Chasing Joy

Don’t Be Nice! Be Joyful!

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Woo! This posting everyday thing is kind of tough and I am only  a week in.  For today’s post I am answering one of BlogHer’s writing prompts:

What is the most important lesson you learned as a child, and who taught it to you?

Like almost every lesson I learned as a child my most important one was taught to me by one of my parents, my mom.    As a kid whenever I wanted my mom to do something, not do something, give me something, etc… and she refused I would say, “that’s not nice”.  She would quickly and without fail reply, “who says I have to be nice”.  I of course would not have an answer and would be annoyed.

Fast forward twenty years, I am so glad my mom was not nice.  LOL  Actually my mom is a nice person and my number one supporter.  Her regularly telling me “who says I have to be nice”  has given me more confidence to do what I want and what I need to do to take care of me as an adult.  Most people who know me would consider me a nice person but I am not overly concerned with that.  I do not do things because I feel obligated by the “nice person” label to do them.  Guilt trips are not very effective on me. I have had an easier time saying no than lots of my peers.

Basically “who says I have to be nice” has freed me to not feel like I have to live up to some predetermined societal nice girl expectation.  I can live up to my own expectations based on my own values and moral compass.  I am a nice person because I want to be.  I am a happy person because my niceness is my own choice and not because someone said I had to be nice.

So,  in case you did not know, you do not have to be nice.  Instead I’d rather you be joyful and confident in your own values and moral compass.

Do you fall into the nice girl trap?  Do you find yourself doing things or exhibiting certain behaviors out of fear that if you don’t you wont be perceived as nice?

This is a NaBloPoMo inspired post. 

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Comments

  4. If you are joyful and happy with who you are; then niceness is just a by product. People who are mean to others often have issues themselves and want to make others feel their pain. Being mean is never who you should be, or want to be

  5. I think I've actually become nicer as I have gotten older. When I was a kid I was kind of a "mean girl", and I think it was a defense to keep people from being mean to me. But as I have gotten older and had children, I'm nicer now, but still me!

  8. Kindness is important, it puts others above yourself but "nice" can also mean firm and having discipline when needed so I think a balance of the two is good! I am in the say yes and pleasing everyone trap, it's not being mean or being nice, it's just over extending who I am and not setting boundaries which can be difficult.

  11. I fully enjoy reading what you write – this is great. I love this lesson you learned as a child – I am sure I could write a book on the good and bad lessons I learned from childhood! Love it.

  12. Your mom definitely taught you a great lesson as a child! I'd have to think hard about the best lesson I learned as a kid.

  13. A fun post. My comment that I hope our kids learn from is when I say to them "life is not fair and everyone can't have or do everything". I want them to get used to and learn from disappointments.

  15. I like the statement "niceness is my own choice". The question at the end made me stop and analyze why I'm always nice. Guess what! It's because I want to be, too, and I'm happy that way.

  18. It's amazing the lessons our parents teach us through simple sayings like that.
    It's hard to find that balance between making others happy and living your own life.

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