Woo! This posting everyday thing is kind of tough and I am only a week in. For today’s post I am answering one of BlogHer’s writing prompts:
What is the most important lesson you learned as a child, and who taught it to you?
Like almost every lesson I learned as a child my most important one was taught to me by one of my parents, my mom. As a kid whenever I wanted my mom to do something, not do something, give me something, etc… and she refused I would say, “that’s not nice”. She would quickly and without fail reply, “who says I have to be nice”. I of course would not have an answer and would be annoyed.
Fast forward twenty years, I am so glad my mom was not nice. LOL Actually my mom is a nice person and my number one supporter. Her regularly telling me “who says I have to be nice” has given me more confidence to do what I want and what I need to do to take care of me as an adult. Most people who know me would consider me a nice person but I am not overly concerned with that. I do not do things because I feel obligated by the “nice person” label to do them. Guilt trips are not very effective on me. I have had an easier time saying no than lots of my peers.
Basically “who says I have to be nice” has freed me to not feel like I have to live up to some predetermined societal nice girl expectation. I can live up to my own expectations based on my own values and moral compass. I am a nice person because I want to be. I am a happy person because my niceness is my own choice and not because someone said I had to be nice.
So, in case you did not know, you do not have to be nice. Instead I’d rather you be joyful and confident in your own values and moral compass.
Do you fall into the nice girl trap? Do you find yourself doing things or exhibiting certain behaviors out of fear that if you don’t you wont be perceived as nice?
This is a NaBloPoMo inspired post.
Kelly Hutchinson says
My husband and I were talking today about negative thoughts versus positive thoughts. I try to be joyful every day.
Shell says
Who says I have to be nice? Wow, that's not a way I've looked at things. What a good lesson to learn early on.
Yolanda Christopher says
I do not feel the need to be "nice" for fear of being perceived mean. I just make sure to be kind to everyone I encounter because you never know what someone is going through.
Casa Vilora Interiors says
If you are joyful and happy with who you are; then niceness is just a by product. People who are mean to others often have issues themselves and want to make others feel their pain. Being mean is never who you should be, or want to be
Rachelle J says
I think I've actually become nicer as I have gotten older. When I was a kid I was kind of a "mean girl", and I think it was a defense to keep people from being mean to me. But as I have gotten older and had children, I'm nicer now, but still me!
Beth@FrugalFroggie says
I would say I can fall into the nice girl trap when I was younger. Now I have no problem blowing the nice girl out of the water.
Mommy Moment says
I really have learned to love myself, I try not to get caught in any trap ?
Diana Elizabeth says
Kindness is important, it puts others above yourself but "nice" can also mean firm and having discipline when needed so I think a balance of the two is good! I am in the say yes and pleasing everyone trap, it's not being mean or being nice, it's just over extending who I am and not setting boundaries which can be difficult.
Ashleigh Thomas says
I try my hardest to be sweet but sometimes i find myself losing my cool when someone takes advantage.
Dina says
ugh i did this for so many years. Into my forties for sure. Now not so much. lol
Brandy Ellen says
I fully enjoy reading what you write – this is great. I love this lesson you learned as a child – I am sure I could write a book on the good and bad lessons I learned from childhood! Love it.
Pam says
Your mom definitely taught you a great lesson as a child! I'd have to think hard about the best lesson I learned as a kid.
Kristi says
A fun post. My comment that I hope our kids learn from is when I say to them "life is not fair and everyone can't have or do everything". I want them to get used to and learn from disappointments.
Onica {mommy factor} says
OMG! I love this article, it was inspiring. This is a good reminder too.
Lori Gunn says
I like the statement "niceness is my own choice". The question at the end made me stop and analyze why I'm always nice. Guess what! It's because I want to be, too, and I'm happy that way.
Lisa Joy Thompson says
I think sometimes people confuse nice with being a door mat. I'm nice, but I'm not a door mat. I consider myself assertive! 🙂
Lindsey Paris says
I may not always be nice, but I'm always respectful. You catch more flies with honey!
Liz Mays says
It's amazing the lessons our parents teach us through simple sayings like that.
It's hard to find that balance between making others happy and living your own life.
Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle says
I try to be as nice as possible, but I never pretend to be something I'm not. I don't believe you have to be someone you aren't to be nice.
Masshole Mommy says
I am who I am. I try to be as nice as possible, but it all depends on the situation.