After almost 5 years I decided to walk away. I had been thinking about it for a while. We had even discussed ending things a time or two. Even though we had been seeing each other way longer than I’d ever planned, I was hesitant to call it quits.
No I am not talking about a man. I am still very much single (joy chasing partner applications are still being accepted). I am talking about a woman who has played a significant role in my life for almost 5 years. She is, or was, my therapist.
A while back I told you guys that I saw a therapist. I started seeing her almost 5 years ago during a particularly difficult time in my life. This was right after my dad passed away and while I was in the midst of ending a relationship that I thought was to be for evermore. Within a few months 6 people were gone from my life, my dad, boyfriend, and his 4 children. Needless to explain further I had good reason to be feeling way way down, maybe even depressed. Seeking out a therapist at that time was definitely the right decision.
Over the years my therapist helped me through my grief in losing my dad and my relationship, helped me to identify some patterns in my dating habits, helped me to see how certain beliefs I held were holding me back, and how the was I grew up has impacted who I am as a grown up (and no, she did not blame everything on my mother). Therapy helped me a lot.
So why quit you ask? Why end this almost 5 year long relationship? Well the short answer is I no longer feel way way down and depressed. The longer answer is the mission (my overwhelming grief) was accomplished but we continued to explore my life, my childhood, thoughts, and dreams. While all of the exploration has been super helpful I feel that things became a bit aimless. Many times I went to therapy with nothing in particular on my mind to discuss. We would discuss my dreams or different things happening in my life and tie them back to my childhood or other significant incidents in my life. Although many insights were gained it almost felt like we were doing therapy for the sake of therapy.
Another reason I was thinking it was time to quit is that I was beginning to feel dependent upon therapy. I would have start to feel like I did not want to go anymore, but then I would start to feel like what if something else bad happened in my life like before and I did not have the weekly session. Hmm, so I was partially going to therapy because I was afraid not too??? That does not sound very good at all.
Overall I am feeling way better than I did those years ago. While my life is not perfect and there are many things that I want to continue to improve upon, my weight, relationship status, and stress management skills to name a few on a day to day basis I am feeling pretty happy. I have learned a lot about myself and largely feel that I have already received the biggest gains and insights that I am likely to achieve from therapy. I know I will have low times as life is bound to happen. But I do not feel like I will go to that dark place from a few years ago. Plus having had this experience I now how positive therapy can be should I need it again.
So a few weeks ago, when the therapist informed me that she would be unavailable for the next two weeks I decided to play close attention to my mood. I also specifically prayed about if it was indeed the right time for me to stop. Overall I had a great two weeks. As a matter of fact there was even added stress during that time as I was preparing for the Chasing Joy Brunch & Learn and I still felt really good. I enjoyed having that extra hour per week back. I enjoyed not thinking up things to discuss in therapy or thinking about things from my past after therapy. I asked my mom about it and she actually felt I should have stopped a while ago. All the signs pointed toward the exit and my decision to leave therapy was made.
Overall I consider therapy to have been a really good experience for me and a great help. I actually think everyone could benefit from going for a while to gain some insights into what makes you tick. Therapy is not for weirdos or damaged people. It can be a great benefit to all of us during rough times.
In addition to all of the helpful insights I gained over the last few years I have also learned that If I ever need therapy again in the future that I should identify the issues with the therapists help in the beginning and then once that issue has been resolved either identify another specific issue if need by or stop at that time and not just continue with therapy for therapy’s sake. There will always be things to work on as no one is perfect but I don’t want to fall into the habit of picking myself apart to identify every personality quirk so that we can have something to discuss.
So after almost 5 years I broke up with my therapist. It was amicable and I feel good about it. Have you ever been in therapy? How long did you go? How did you know when to end it?
Congratulations on your "breakup"! I once saw a counselor while I was in college, I was having a tough time academically and personally. I only went once though, it was impossible to get appointments. It's so important to pay attention to our mental health. Sometimes I wonder if a counselor could help me with the stress I have in my life…I know my boyfriend has heard more than enough!
Thanks for sharing and your suppor Janelle. I'm sure your running helps with stress.
Girl. You are speaking to me with this post. Currently I am on a "break" from my therapist. We are sort of at an impasse…hitting a wall, if you will. Everything in my life is feeling difficult and the additional "work" of therapy was proving to be too much all at one time. Everything was just making me angry…so, yeah. I'm on a break. One thing I've learned in the short couple of weeks that I've been gone is that even though I'm able to live at a baseline level of "okay-ness" there is a lot of "stuff" that needs to be addressed in order for me to push through the next level to what I *say* I want in my life. But, I hear you about becoming dependent on therapy. In the time I've been away I've been thinking a lot about what my therapist and I worked on and how to actually IMPLEMENT those changes into my life (instead of just talking about them all the time). I'm happy that you're at a place where you can healthfully walk away. That means that you have the tools you need in order move forward. And that is awesome!
Thank you for being open about your situation Curvy Ceo. Implementing the things learned in therapy is the true challenge.
I went to therapy after ending a difficult relationship. I went for about two years, stopping because it was too difficult to work full-time, go to school and make my therapy payments. I started going again when I was under incredible stress studying for the CPA exam. I stopped after I passed the exam. I had felt I didn't have anything pressing to talk about anymore. From time to time I wish I would have kept going longer. I have difficulty standing up for myself and articulating my needs. Also low self-esteem. Kind of trying to do it myself and considering rebranding my blog to document my progress – sort of a reinvention blog.
Happy to see you feeling more joyful.
Thanks Savvy WorkingGal for sharing your experience. It is hard to go when you don't have anything pressing.
I totally understand how you felt. I want to therapy in college for a really difficult situation I was dealing with. I remember three months later actually feeling good about myself; My therapist just asked me if I want to continue coming weekly since I got over that dark time, and that is when I knew it time to move on. I'm happy that you're in a better place in life. I too believe that everyone should get a little bit of therapy because we all need someone who isn't bias to discuss our feelings with.
Thanks for sharing your experience Me Myself and Em. A non-biased voice is helpful.