I have not been to church in two weeks. Now if you look back at my lifetime church attendance you will say what’s the big deal. You have gone months, years, and possibly even decades without going to church. However, if you look back over the last 4 months you will see that I have been Chasing Joy in Church every single Sunday.
Now I have not skipped church for no good reason. I have skipped because of the weather. I go with my mom (this is new for both of us) and with her current health situation it was not advisable to take her out in the 1 degree temperature last week or the slippery conditions this weekend.
I am a little bit freaked out by my two week’s absence from communal worship. I tend to have one of those all or nothing type personalities. My fear is that my missing two weeks will turn into two months, two years, and then back to my old non-church-goer habits. It took me a long time and a lot of courage to try and new church and I’m excited that I actually like it. I don’t want to backtrack.
I am trying to minimized my fears about missing church (I’m supposed to be more laid back this week) and view this as an opportunity. While attending church regularly is new to me spirituality and having a relationship with God is not. One thing that I am sure of is that God does not want me to go to church out of guilt or fear. He wants me there because I want to worship with others and be inspired and encouraged. He wants me there to connect with like minded people. So, missing church for two weeks has given me the opportunity to go back next week not because I feel guilty for missing or because I am afraid of falling back into old habits but to go back because that is where I want to be.
Church brings up so many emotions and triggers so many different anxieties. I am glad that I’ve found a place I like and am working through my issues. Am I the only one? Do any of you have any fears or anxieties related to organized religion, attending, or not attending church?
Interesting question you ask there. Believe it or not I actually gave up going to church for Lent in hopes of getting closer to God. Blog post yet to come on this subject. You're right, it's definitely a mixed bags of emotions. Sometimes it feels powerful and uplifting and sometimes you just feel like crap and guilty and spend the whole time comparing yourself to everybody else there. And I definitely think there's something to be said about being there because you want to be there. Good luck on this adventure!
Chrystina, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a hard time at church sometimes. I can't wait to read your post on Lent. Giving up church? I'm intrigued.
Chrystina, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a hard time at church sometimes. I can't wait to read your post on Lent. Giving up church? I'm intrigued.