Yesterday was Father’s Day. It was a good day for me. Not because I did anything special (I went to church and started painting the room that will be my bedroom in a couple weeks, remember I’m making room for baby). Yesterday was the first Father’s Day after losing dad where I did not feel depressed.
My dad died almost 6 years ago. It has been one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I’m sure anyone who has lost a parent can relate.
Each Father’s Day since had been excruciatingly painful. I’d see the date on the calendar and dread it. I’d fast forward through the Father’s Day commercials and feel my anxiety rise knowing the day was coming and how sad I’d feel.
When Father’s Day would get here, I would post on Facebook about how wonderful my dad was then I’d avoid social media the rest of the day. The photos of my friends with their living fathers made me feel envious, sad, and a little angry. I would not even wish my brother or my friends happy Father’s Day. If I could not tell my dad Happy Father’s day I damn sure wasn’t saying it to anyone else. This is what my grief was like even just last year.
This year was different. I still miss my dad terribly and I did miss him a little more on Father’s Day. However, the dread, envy, anger, anxiety, and intense sadness were gone this year. I was actually able to enjoy seeing pictures of my friends with their dads on Facebook. I even wished My brother and a few friends Happy Father’s Day.
Grief is no joke! It is different for everyone and every circumstance. I am happy that over the last almost 6 years the haze of grief for my dad has slowly cleared. This year it cleared enough for me to see Joy on Father’s Day.
If you are struggling with grief and Father’s Day After Losing Dad I hope this post gives you hope that it does get better in time. Although you will always miss your loved one and your life will be forever altered by their absence you will eventually experience joy again.
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad Arlett. I'm so glad that this Father's Day was a little easier for you. Your words of wisdom are beautiful!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss, you're very strong to try to learn and enjoy the memories instead of focusing on the loss. It does definitely take time and it is healthy to take the time you need.