Have you ever fallen off track? I have. As a matter of fact I am off track right now. Since my mom died I feel like I just can’t get it together. It’s only been a few weeks since she passed away so I know this feeling is normal but it doesn’t feel good. Having now lost both my parent I basically feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. You see my dad was my biggest cheerleader. He was the one who ran up ahead and cheered me on directing on which way the track was going up ahead. My mom was my biggest supporter. She’d be the one running alongside me keeping me from straying off to the right or left of the track. Now I am on my own and I am off track.
The track my parents had me on was a good one. It was headed towards great things, things like career, marriage, family, and financial strength. But right now I am off track. I am at a point in my career where I need to take the next step, but I have no clue what I want that next step to be. I am still working on getting pregnant but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it is much scarier to imaging being pregnant and raising a child without having my mom to help me. Marriage, well I still certainly want that, but part of me worries that who I choose to get close to or not get close to is being unhealthily influenced by by grief. Financially things are status quo but they could be better, see the sentence about taking the next career step above. Then there is the rest of my life, my house is a mess, blogging is taking more effort than I’d like, and I have gained back about 7 of the 12 lbs I had lost earlier this year. I am off track.
The good news is that it is ok. I may be off track but maybe it is time for me to get off the track. No matter how off track I may feel I know I am still going in the right direction. I may not have my cheerleader or supporter but I do have the values and foundation they gave me so ultimately I know I can figure things out. As a matter of fact It is time that I get off the track my parents lead me on and carve out my own path. It is time that I learn how to move forward on my own in the direction of my happiness without support or cheers. It is time that I learn to allow others to cheer for me and to recognize the different people and types of support that is being offered. I am off track but maybe it is time for me to stand still, take in my surroundings and find my own path.
I am off track but I am still headed in the right direction and starting to carve out my own path. I am off track but still Chasing Joy.
Are you off track? Have you suffered a great disappointment or life change that has left you feeling like you don’t know where you are going? Maybe it is time for you to carve out your own path.