“I, N, D, E, P, E, N, D, E, N, T do you know what that means? She got her own house. Got her own car. Two jobs. Works hard. She a bad broad!”
Do yall know that song from a few years ago. I loved it because the woman they were describing sounded like me. I enjoyed this label of independent woman. But i have to admit I’m not as in love with my independence as I once was.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the aspect of my independence that led me to become educated and pursue a career that allows me to support myself financially and put me in a position where I can become a single mother by choice. The part of my independence that I’m not in love with comes from the realization that a large aspect of my independence is a result of fear.
I am very very self reliant. This is not because I know everything or don’t need any help. If is because I am afraid to ask for it. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable by asking for the help I may need because the answer could be no. I am afraid of that rejection. Often I have opted to take a harder path or not pursue something rather than ask for help.
Now that I have decided to become a mom I am wishing that I wasn’t so damn independent. Just in going through the trying to conceive process and preparing my home for my future bundle of joy I have had to ask my brother to come help me move furniture twice. Both times I felt anxious. I know this is only the beginning too. We’ve all heard the saying it takes a village to raise a child. I know there will be times during pregnancy when I might need help physically doing things. There will be times when I’m a new mom where I will be overwhelmed and need help. I’m sure there will be all kinds of situations down the road of parenting where I will have to ask friends and family for help. This is probably one of the things that scares me the most about becoming a mom.
So how do I get over this? Will I always feel anxious and sometimes put off asking for help? As my put your kid first instincts kick in will asking for help become easier?
I know there are many awesomely strong and independent women reading this blog and Chasing Joy with me. Do you guys struggle similarly with asking for help? Have you worked through it? Are you over it?
Anyone else ever wish they could temporarily turn in their independent woman card?
