It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to!!! OK it’s not quite my birthday (5 days away) and I’m not really going to cry. I actually really really like my birthday. I like Birthdays in general. It is the one day a year that is just about you. Or in this case me!!! It is a day to be celebrated. What a blessing it is to share another year of life with all of your friends, family, and loved ones.
So, why is the thought of crying even crossing my mind? Because I have a problem. No, it’s not what you think either. I will be 32 but fear of aging is not my problem. I can look at the women in my family and see that time will be kind to me and leave me easy on the eye. So I am not afraid of my looks fading or not being considered attractive by the opposite sex.
My problem is this: EXPECTATIONS!!!! I’ve always had them and they have always been high. At 22 I was plugging my salary into online calculators to see how much of each pay I’d need to save to be a millionaire by 30. Something must have been wrong with math cause I am a thousandair at best.
As the tag line of this blog says I’m all grown up and things are not quite how I imagined. My life has not matched my expectations. My life is not bad at all. It is just very very different from what I expected. Like most people birthdays prove to be a reflective time and my reflections always turn to the difference between what my life is and what I thought it would be, should be.
It’s amazing how if you are not careful the negative thoughts just jump right in. Will my life ever measure up to my expectations? Are my expectations unrealistic? Am I living in some type of fantasy world? And then I remember, I Am Chasing Joy!!! I can’t be my own Joy Thief! I may not be able to control every single thought that pops into my head but I can control how long I’ll entertain such non-sense. And the answer is not a second longer.
I learned a lesson when I was about 19 that I had forgotten until now. The reason I hated high school but loved college has to do with EXPECTATIONS. I went into high-school after watching my brother’s experience and a little too much TV. High School was nothing like Saved By the Bell and I was disappointed. College on the other hand, I entered with no idea what to expect. Other than feeling confident I could do the work I had zero expectations. Every day was a kind of adventure. Some things were not so good but most things were (kind of like my life now). But the lack of expectations paved the way for a lack of disappointment, also known as being content.
So, it’s my Birthday and I Can Cry if I want to, but I won’t! Instead I will make a mantra out of the Serenity Prayer, Let go of my preconceived expectations of how my life is supposed to be, and Chase Joy by celebrating my birthday in style with a spa day, dinner, drinks, and birthday cake with friends.
Do you think accepting that life will not be how you though a natural part of becoming an adult? Have any of you struggled with life not living up to your expectations? How have you let go of your expectations while holding firm to Joy?
Expectations, man. They're ridiculous. I try not to think too hard about where teenage me thought that I would be at 25. I'm definitely happy, but I'm not sure I'm anywhere near where I thought I was going to be – for better, for worse.
Thanks for your insights Julie V. It is so easy to get caught up in a what's next way of thinking, especially when what's next is something so Joyful like your wedding. It's also interesting that you and your hubby had more talk time during those walks than now. That is a lovely memory though.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the post.
A few months ago I was pretty impatient about moving on with my life to "the next step" when I had an epiphany:
I thought about a past time when I was very impatient for the next part of my life to begin: When I was engaged to be married.
I was so excited to get married and honestly, not thrilled about all the work a wedding entailed. My dear mother was always calling and wanting to just talk about tablecloths and center pieces–and I just wanted to be married already.
Now that I am married, I can tell you that there were some really great things that happened when I was engaged.
For example, I got to know my husband better. In fact, he would come by my apartment each morning and we would walk to the college campus and just talk, every morning, 5 days a week, for 25 minutes. I loved those talks.
As crazy as it sounds since we live together, after getting married we didn't always have that much time to just talk every weekday without any distractions. Yes, we try to make good time together, but I can look back and see that that time was special.
Well today even as I'm dreaming of the future, I've realized that I need to enjoy the great things about being in this stage of life here and now. There are so many great things that I am able to do and enjoy right now that I shouldn't be taking them for granted. Yes, I have great expectations for my future, but that doesn't mean I have to steal joy that can come right now in this moment. Yes, that last thought was stolen from your blog post.
I know, this comment is crazy long. Sorry, not sorry 🙂
I raise a glass to your 32nd year of life, may it live up to and surpass your expectations, I'll be right there with you in July! I hope you had a lovely spa day, and dinner surrounded my those you care about!
Since I am tardy here Happy Birthday Week. Cuz around here we have a month so I am behind. You are awesome, you jumped in and helped keep commenthour rolling!!! No I will not sing as I am not Adele but have a great birthday week. Mine is next month
Happy Pre-Birthday – You never know what will happen in the coming years – you can just live for today and enjoy. Always have more than 1 plan as you may have to take different paths along the way.
I hope your birthday is a wonderful one! I too have high expectations and nothing, absolutely nothing is as I hoped it would be. *sigh* But chin up as they say, hopefully my life will get better.
I do my best to stay in the moment, if I look too deeply into the past or future I can get too easily depressed. Staying in the here and now, making better choices, doing what I love (writing) and the day is brighter.
Peace,
Morgan
Happy birthday!!!
I love your post, I can totally relate!
Happy soon to be Birthday! I hope your day is fantastic. You know… it would be pretty great if high school was like Boy Meets World or Saved By The Bell:)
I understand this post! I've learned that God way is the best way, even when we don't understand!
Evie730
Life in adventure, you never know where you are going to end up. We can only walk the path that takes us to where we want to be. Try not to get too hung up on the detours.
Happy Pre-Birthday Wishes 🙂
I am just getting into my 30's and my expectations these days are to live life. I planned out how I wanted to live my life and nothing has happened like I planned it so now in my 30's I am not going to plan anything I am just going to live life and take it as it comes.