A few years ago I was all dressed up to hit the club. I was talking to my dad while waiting for one of my girlfriends to arrive. My dad said something like I hope one of yall does not get married before the other, because yall always go out together. The other one won’t have anyone to go out with.
Fast forward 5 years or so and my dad was basically right. My friend did not get married but she has been in a relationship for a few years now and has no interest in the club scene, happy hours, or basically anything else that the single crowd does.
It’s funny how life happens. One minute you are 25 with lots of single friends to spend time with. Then fast forward a few minutes (Ok years) and you are 33 and the last single girl standing. This is the situation I find myself in. My main go to friends for hanging out have had kids and gotten into serious relationships if not marriages. More often than not I find myself the only non-parent at kiddie parties, the only single at dinner for girls night out, the only one of my co-workers with no spouse or kids at the bring your family work event, or filling out “advice for the bride” at a bridal shower knowing that all of the other advice is coming from women who are married.
No very rarely do I get the “Oh!” commend by the sad face a la Bridget Jones Diary when I respond no to the questions of do you have kids or are you married. I also am blessed to not have one of those families that constantly makes comments or applies pressure on me to get married and have kids One of my biggest issues with being the last single girl standing is that me and my friends are no longer at the same stage in life. They have responsibilities, priorities, and time restraints that are different than mine. This means a lot of the time they are not available to spend time together like before. This means a lot of the time I feel lonely 🙁
Loneliness is a huge Joy Thief. So I have to do something about it, right?. Here are a few things that I have done, or need to do to have more Joy and less loneliness while being the last single girl standing:
- Be realistic. You are not really the last single girl standing. In most cases we all know several other girls who are single. No, they may not be girls that you have hung out with often in the past, or at all. They may even be friends of friends that you don’t know very well. The point is you are not alone. There are other single girls that are likely feeling similarly.
- Reach out. Once you take a good look at all of the people you know and identify some other single girls, reach out to them. Invite them out for a happy hour or some other function. Keep it short the first time you hang out if you don’t know them well. If you don’t click at least it was only an hour or two of awkwardness. If you do click you have a new single friend to hang with in the future.
- Be a girl scout. If you were ever a girl scout you might remember the song Make new friends but keep the old…. Make some new friends.
- Go to conferences and networking events related to your hobbies and/or passions. When you exchange business cards there follow up. You will likely make some new professional connections. But be open minded, some of those connections can also develop into friendships. I have made a couple of new friends that way.
- Visit www.meetup.com. This site lists groups of people who want to meet up in real life for social events. I have only done this one time. I was very nervous but I did talk to a few different people. One of which I have since hung out with a couple of times. *There is a Chasing Joy Meetup Group where Chasing Joy events are listed. I need to get my courage up to go to more meetup.com events and not just the Chasing Joy ones.
- Take up a sport. Now I am not the athletic type so I have not done this. However, a few people I know have made new friends by joining bowling and running clubs. In the past I have made new friends by attending regular Zumba classes. I need to look more into sports and group fitness activities.
- Continue to reach out to your friends who are married or parents. They will have times when they are available to get together. They probably look forward to getting out now and again with their single friends.
The other awesome thing about being single is that you have time for yourself! Yes, being in a relationship is ideal for some of us, but that requires a lot of time, effort and commitment. Taking the time you need to get to know yourself, what you want like and love will contribute to the success of the relationship once you are in one. Take your time and enjoy it – I have been!
We have to remember take to take advantage of our singleness. Being single is the perfect time to do anything thing that you have ever dreamed of. Whether it be traveling, trying a new hobby or sport, you get the opportunity to be spontaneous and adventurous. Go ahead try a new hair color! You get the idea…Join a club and make some new friends and enjoy! We wanna about your new adventures!
I truly resonate with that post, Arlett. The feeling of "last single girl standing" can sometimes be overwhelming. Like you, I've joined Meetup; perhaps I need to widen my repertoire of sports. I'm a gym rat but I kinda suck at organized sports. LOL! But I find that the more diverse our friends are, whether married or single, the more opportunities there are for interaction and even more new friendships. Cheers to us single gals!