Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Today a lot of you will be making or on the receiving end of grand gestures. That is wonderful! Enjoy them and bask in feeling special. However, I want you to remember that it is not the grand gestures that spark the most joy. It is the small consistent gesture of love that means the most.
Yesterday I was putting out the trash. I turned around to go back in the house and I had a memory of my mom standing in the doorway waiting for me. I live on a street where parking is difficult. I often have to park on another street and walk a block. My mom was a night owl. If I were coming home alone late at night and could not find parking I would text or call her to let her know I was walking from the car. She would go to the front door, triggering our spotlight like security light to come on and be on lookout for me walking towards home. Mind you she was doing this when I was 35 plus years old. It was not out of control or to be in my business. This small consistent gesture of love was out of her desire to protect me.
My dad was no different. He showered me and my family with so many small consistent gestures of love. The one that comes to mind now is how he made it a point to get to know me and my brother’s friends and significant others. If you were important to us you became important to him. He even went so far as to take one of my boyfriends to take his drivers using his car. (Side note: the petty person who Iives deep inside me whishes I could go back and tell my dad not to do this. Said boyfriend ended up being the worst and so not deserving of my dad’s kindness and generous spirit.)
Here is where the Single Girl gives relationship advice. I am single because my Mr. Joy Chaser will reveal himself by his small consistent gestures of love. I have had grand gestures before and enjoyed them. But ultimately what ended those relationships was the lack of small consistent gestures of love like honesty, availability, kindness, showing appreciation and offering help. I was blessed to have this exemplified in not only how my parents treated me but in how the treated each other.
My mom chose not to learn to drive for personal reasons (I don’t recommend this). My dad picked her up from work and Bingo regularly so she would not have to be out after dark alone or in the cold. He could have said it was her choice to not learn to drive but instead he showed love by his consistent willingness to care for and protect her.
My dad would brag that he did not know his clothing sizes. My mom purchased all of my dad’s clothes. Not because he couldn’t or did not care. He cared very much about his appearance. She did it as a way to take care of him. He did not have to budget for his wardrobe. He never had to worry about having a suit for an important work or church function. He did not have to worry about replacing worn out socks and under clothing. My mom was on it, consistently! I never even heard my dad say he needed a new belt or coat or anything.
Now I’m not saying women should purchase and dress their men or that men should act as chuffers. What I’m saying is within your relationship make sure you aren’t making grand gestures and failing when it comes to small consistent gestures of love. Also make sure you are not complaining about the lack of grand gestures or so focused on grand gestures that you don’t acknowledge the small consistent gesture your boo is making on a regular basis.
Most people don’t split because of the lack of grand gestures they split because they don’t feel valued, respected, seen, heard, and loved on a regular daily basis.
What small consistent grand gesture means the most to you??