A couple of weeks ago a had a little melt down. It was not triggered by anything in particular I think being bored and lonely got the best of me. It was actually a mood swing that occurred over about a 36 to 48 hour period. It started with me feeling really upbeat. I specifically remember thinking Boy my life really is pretty good. However less than two days later I found myself thinking, I hate my life, no wonder I am alone. If I don’t even like my life why would anyone want to be with me. Yeah, I know. Crazy Right?
Well one good thing about seeing a therapist is that I am a little more in tune with myself. So this meltdown did not last too long. I caught myself and said wait two days ago you had a great life now it is horrible?? That’s not even possible Arlett. Get it together. So I did. Mood swing over. Back to being my normal Joy Chasing self, appreciating all that is great about my life and working to improve the not so great things.
One interesting thing that happened during my little melt down was that I took my moodiness to Google. I Googled about being unhappy with my life and came across a site (that I can’t find now) that suggested a writing task to help you figure out what you really want to do with your life so that you can make changes.
A few weeks later I decide to do the exercise. You are to set a timer for 20 minutes then write (or in my case type) out any and everything you want to do without really thinking about how logical or possible it is. I set the timer and wrote my list. Because I like to have a visual, when I was done I put my list into Tagxedo and had it generate the word collage you see at the top of the post. I was super excited when I was able to select the Joy image to display the collage. The bigger words are supposed to be the ones that were used more often, though I don’t know how accurate that is.
Based on the way the words were created in the image what I want out of life is to Make Money Blogging so that I can Lose Weight, Buy things and Fancy Hair to Party. LOL That does not sound too bad 🙂
Here is what I actually wrote:
Go to a Hookah Bar
Get Married
Have kids
Be a mom
Have a wedding
Host a dinner party
Stay overnight at a hotel in center city just because
Lose weight
Gamble
Join a church
Write a book
Lose weight
Buy a luxury car
Cut my hair
Move
Have my own pool
Work part time
Dye my hair
Go skinny dipping
Get baptized
Go to the zoo
Go to the circus
Go to the aquarium
Have a fancy kitchen
Buy a car
Make money blogging
Have sold out blog events
Hire a maid
Put a tombstone at my dad’s grave
Open a scholarship in my dad’s name
Make a difference
Help others
Have someone throw me a surprise party
Go to the ballet
Go to the symphony
Go to the opera
Buy myself fancy jewelry
Become more confident
Have a lawn
Volunteer
Donate money to causes
Find a tailor
Live in a big house
Have a guest room
Have an office
Take boudoir photos
Have shoes made
Find Mr. Right
Visit the liberty bell
Dine in fancy restaurants regularly
Build a house
There were no surprises on my list. Several things had to do with my desires to have a family and improve my standard of living. There were also several activities listed to fill my idle time. I also had a few things on the list related to improving my spiritual and emotional life. The biggest surprise in doing the exercise is that I actually drew a blank. I stopped writing several times during the 20 minutes when I could not think of what to write next. I don’t think I did very well with the free association aspect of the exercise.
I think I will do it again in a few weeks. For now what I have listed definitely gives me some things to do or work on to keep myself occupied. A busy mind does not have time for meltdowns.
Have you ever caught yourself in mid meltdown and snapped yourself out of it? Have you or would you do this or a similar 20 minute exercise to get in touch with what you really want in life? What is or would be on your list?
I wrote a list of things that I'm too anxious to do because I wanted to get them out of my head and on paper. I immediately felt better.
Meltdowns aren't a lot of fun. For me they take a while to snap out of. Usually a day or two. But it always helps to look at what I am currently blessed with instead of focusing on what I don't have. That can usually help snap me out of them.
Meltdowns happen. I think it makes me a better person because it gets rid of all the negative energy that has been building up. Writing usually helps me as well.
I think we all get in a funk like this. When I do I pray and God changes my heart! 🙂
I agree with you and I too also pray when this happens to me 🙂
Thank you for your honesty while sharing about your meltdown!
I recently got into a crazy funk and literally had to dance it away! Thanks to Pandora, I was able to pick the best "dance" station for me and dance around my apartment. It was weird at first, since it was forced but it took a matter of minutes to shake off my negative feelings and realize how happy I can be and should be!
Miss Rachel, I have a co-worker friend how swears by dancing naked to lift her mood. I actually did it once and It did get me laughing. 🙂 I'm glad your funk was lifted.