So I’ve had Joy in my sights for sometime now. Chasing it at a steady pace slowly closing the gap. But then something happened. I took my eyes off of Joy for just a second and now I can barely see it up ahead.
I have never been an athlete but I had the torture, I mean privilege of growing up with one. My brother ran track all the way through school up into college. My dad had been an athlete himself. So I grew up hearing such advice as “consistency is the key” “lean at the end of the race” and “don’t wast time looking back for your competition during a race.”
Most of this advice is completely lost on me. However it would be in my own best interest to remember to keep my eyes on the finish line and not look back at my competition. Instead of keeping my eyes on Joy recently I’ve gotten distracted looking at what was going on in the lives of my competitors. OK not really my competitors but at the lives of my friends and family members.
As you all know I am single and looking (now accepting boyfriend applications click here) for Mr. Right. Well the holiday season can be a little tough on single folks. Much of the non-commercial aspects of the holidays are focused on spending time with your family. So I have found myself spending a bit too much time looking back at how my friends and family were doing instead of keeping my eyes on my own Joy. Who is getting their kids what toys, who is spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with their significant other’s family, what holiday family portraits will I get in the mail this year, etc,etc, etc…
Suddenly I’m feeling like I wish I had some cute kids to buy cute kid toys for, I wish I had a boyfriend to supply with hints on what I want for Christmas, I wish I had a significant other to invite for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner and will I have anyone to kiss at New Years??? And then it happened, Joy moving just out of my sights.
So today instead of Chasing Joy I feel like I’m running from loneliness and the green eyed monster of envy. Oh and let me also add hypocrisy. How can I write a blog about Chasing Joy when Joy has definitely been out of my reach lately??? But then I come to my senses and remember why I started Chasing Joy. I did not start Chasing Joy because I have Joy. I started Chasing it because I need it.
None of us are happy all the time. This blog is not an I’m happy all the time don’t you want to be happy like me type of blog. This is a life is not fair, sometime it downright sucks, but I’m going to accept it and make an effort to be happy anyway type of blog. Besides, wouldn’t it just make you all so annoyed If I only wrote about how happy and positive and upbeat I am??? Don’t you relate to me better when I admit to having a bad day or a hard time? Doesn’t it remind you that I am actually a person and not just some sort of Joy app?
So, while lately I have a bit of the single during the holidays blues, have been fighting against feelings of loneliness, while viewing the world through the green eye’s of envy, I will not get stuck in this place. I will remember that consistency is the key and continue to make myself and what makes me happy a priority even during this season of giving. I will stop waisting time looking at other peoples lives and focus on Joy. I’ll catch up to it again. I will also lean at the end of the race??? Oh, wait, I guess that bit of track advice doesn’t really apply to me LOL
Do you get down during the holidays? What do you do to feel better? How do you reign yourself in when you are overtaken by the green eyed monster?
Stopping by from Flashback Friday, lady. Yeah, I could definitely understand this sentiment. It's not always easy keeping your head up when it comes to one of these things. Here's to us single ladies, hopefully there's something good in store for us.
The holidays feel less lonely when you know you are not the only one who is feeling that way….glad you wrote about it. I hope this holiday season is filled with Joy and Love for you!
Great post. It's important to focus outward but still take care of yourself.
I hope you have wonderful holidays!
Hang in there my friend. I was once in your shoes the only single person I know. And the holidays were always hard. Good luck I have faith that you will find your way.
As for gift buying for kiddos I would donate to organizations who give toys to those in need. All the fun of shopping for kids with none of the responsibility of kids. lol.
I have a hard time once the weather turns cold. Period. I am very much a hobbit who stays in my own little bubble most of the time anyway. Winter makes it harder. I am going to really have to push myself for the next couple of months to slap a smile on my face.
"Don't you relate to me better when I admit to having a bad day or a hard time? Doesn't it remind you that I am actually a person and not just some sort of Joy app?"
The "Joy app" line cracked me up… 🙂
How do I deal with loneliness? Hmmm… For loneliness, I call up certain friends, or toss off an email. If it's late at night, I hit up the internet for interesting blogs – like yours!
~Tui
p.s. I found you via #commenthour
I think a lot of people struggle with this, family or not. There is so much unnecessary pressure involved with the Holidays. You are such a positive person, I'm sure you will find a healthy way of reframing the Holiday season to make it work for you. Do you have a close knit group of friends that are like family? Sometimes we have to create our own families. Your writing is poetic and sincere and I hope it helps you work through these issues and find that joy you are chasing.
I do too get down during the holidays. I look at all the success of my family and friends and during the holidays, I think about it more. Seeing my friends with their wives and families and I say why is it taking so long for me to have that. I just trying to concentrate on the things I do have. We all have moments were we loose our joy but I try to lean on my true friends and family and put those things out of my mind but its very hard. Being single around these times make it that much harder but your time will come just like mine. Keep focused on the things that make you happy
The holiday's are rough for me especially this year. I'm single (again) but now with a 4 month old. I'm trying to put my heartbreak to the side and make her first Christmas a memorable one. This is the first time in a long time that I will actually celebrate the holiday complete with family, friends and plenty of food.
I thought thanksgiving would be fine but it wasn't. I answered the "are you and her dad together?" question about 20 times and every time I said no I got the pity look :-/
To make myself feel better I took a two night mommy break, got some sleep and prepared for the rest of the week. I sneaked in some time to paint my toes and get caught up on my guilty pleasure: reality shows lol. Hopefully all of the toys, food, laughter and Christmas spirit will keep me from losing my joy for Christmas.
I am sorry that you're feeling a bit down – I think the holidays tend to magnify whatever we are feeling. And I applaud you for being so honest about your emotions – not sugarcoating them makes us all relate to you even more. You're right – no one is ever happy all of the time. And no one has it all figured out. You do an amazing job of being honest and striving for positivity when you notice that you are feeling blue. And I would also honor your blue feelings, too. They are all a part of each of us, and they will ebb and flow just like our happy feelings. I write about the holiday blues in this week's Ask Away question: http://www.jodichapman.com/2011/11/25/ask-away-how-can-i-beat-the-holiday-blues/ Hugs!
I have a tend act to get down during the holidays sometimes. Either because I can't afford to buy my boys some of the things I'd like or because I think about how sad they are that their father will never be with them again for Christmas or any other holiday and how horrible they feel about his death. Then I recognize that it could always be worse! Thank you for sharing this, I will continue to chase my joy with you!
I love your writing – a bit poetic and def engaging 🙂
I feel you on this one…I'm in a relationship but it's somewhat long distance and work schedules mostly keep us apart so it's similar to your situation…but I manage by hanging with friends and my own family who are all inclusive no matter what…that helps…
Your joy is within…it's just hiding right now…waiting on you to find it 😉
Happy holidays deary!
~Kesha
@uncommonchick
Now, I am not happy that you guys also experience feeling kind of down at the holidays. But I am very happy to see how many of you can relate to how I feel. I really appreciate all of your feedback.
I find that around the holidays I feel less down if I focus on others. Especially my son. If i do get down but always tell myself that this too shall pass! It's hard but it works!!
Wow, I feel really validated by this post, Chasing Joy. I sometimes think I'm crazy to feel down once the holidays come around, but it happens like clockwork every time. I really have to make a concerted effort to be thankful, be positive, and … chase joy, because it's out there for the chasing. Chins up to each of us! We are God's creations and we bring tremendous gifts to the table of life. Let's actively seek out that joy! Tis the season!
I thoroughly ENJOYED this, F4L! I always get down during the holidays… most of it comes from missing my loved ones that passed… some comes from being too stressed, running around shopping for the kids. This year I am surfing the emotional waves, when things become overwhelming. Im acknowledging when Im not so happy but s you said it… making efforts to continue to chase joy, in spite of. So instead of focusing on what isn't so great, I acknowledge it, but focus on something more joy filling…. to keep my spirits up.
The holidays can be overwhelming. I am not able to spend much money on gifts so sometimes I feel bad about that. I just remind myself that I do have good intentions and try to do other things to celebrate that don't require too much spending. I think we just have to remember what is important to us and embrace what we do have.
xo
Hey Joy & Kita!
Granted I am thee Ms. Positively Shining herself but lately the holidays seem to always get me down. I love family, I have kids, I have a significant other but ladies I find myself lonely still. Im always alone for the holidays….even tho I am around my family…my mind state is can we hurry up and get this over with. I know it sounds crazy even coming from me but im so tired of being alone at events because of work. He always has to work and I spend my holidays alone as if im single. So this time…i will shake myself of this dread! I will turn on my radio, stay out of my room, and get festive. Decoartions will be going up and im changing my goal board once again! So I will not be taken over by the green eyed beast! 🙂
Hey Kita focusing on your new business sounds like a good idea. I need to trough myself into turning this blog into some sort of book.
I get down every Holiday and I have kids. I am down because I have no real family to enjoy the holidays with. I was so down this weekend that I shut down. I hate when things get to that point but as you said no one is happy every day of their life. To get back to myself I threw myself into my new business.