I should be having a baby this week. I found out I was pregnant in early December 2015, just in time for my mom’s birthday. We had a couple of really great super happy days watching the pink line on the test get darker and darker and getting positive results from the doctor. Unfortunately further blood tests revealed that things were not progressing and I lost the pregnancy on Christmas Eve. Everything happened so fast that I never even got an official due date from the doctor. Online tools tell me that my baby would have been due August 18th.
I should be having a baby this week and it is kind of sad that I am not. But, I am ok. I am ok because God has blessed me with resilience. I have been through a lot just like most of us have. My miscarriage is only one of those sucky things that falls into “been through a lot” category. When it happened I had to make a choice of how I would go forward. A miscarriage is dramatic and horrible and awful, and every other negative adjective you can think of. But I had to decide how I would overcome all of those adjectives. I had to decide to Chase Joy. It helped that I knew of several women in my family (including my own mom) and some friends who had also experienced miscarriages. It helped me to know that miscarriages are actually really really common. I looked at these women, knowing first hand the pain and difficulty they experienced, and I saw them laughing, enjoying, and living life and I knew I could do it too.
I should be having a baby this week but instead I am going to work, and the gym, and going about my normal routines. I could push it out of my mind and act as though it never happened but that does not feel right. My miscarriage was super early and I may not view it like other women. I don’t really feel like my baby died. I feel like their was an egg that was fertilized. However because the embryo never got to the stage of a heartbeat I feel like God never put the spark of life into it. Not that my way of thinking makes it any less painful or this week any less monumental.
I should be having a baby this week so I wanted to do something to honor the fact that I was pregnant and for a short time I experienced a type of Joy that I had never known. I started to buy a piece of jewelery with the August birthstone, Peridot. But I did not find anything that I liked. So instead of spending money on something pretty for me to look at I decided to spend my money where it could help other families and babies. I decided to make a donation to the March of Dimes in honor of the baby that should have been born this week. The mission of the March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.
I should be having a baby this week and I miss the baby. I wonder what it would have looked liked, if it would have been a boy or girl, etc.. But I am also thankful that I got to share being pregnant with my mom even if it was only for a couple of weeks. We both got to be excited and tell a couple of people who were close to us. I am thankful that I got to give her a card that addressed her as Mom-mom. Neither of us knew that her time was short and the baby that should have been born this week allowed us to share a really special time. I am sad but I am also happy to have those memories with my mom. So I am giving back in honor and in thanks with my donation to the March of Dimes where my money will help more and more babies make it.
If you have had a miscarriage please know that you are not alone. If you are comfortable sharing I’d love to hear how you acknowledge or get through the time when your baby would have been born.
Thank you for sharing your story. Hearing that others have experienced this type of loss is sad but much less lonely. I love that you are choosing to chase joy. Chasing joy is so powerful, for me it doesn’t mean that sadness will be eradicated, it just means that sadness won’t stay. Instead look to the happy times, make joy abundant! All the best to you as you chase joy in your life!
You’re so brave to tell your story with us. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss I know that was so hard and painful to you. Everything will be fine soon.
I apologize for what you had to go through but I am glad you are able to find peace within it. God Bless!
I have a friend who close to your story. She also miscarriage her baby during her 1st semester of pregnancy. And after two years she still waiting for baby, I’m really sorry for your loss.
Oh I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve experienced this with many many friends of the years. But I love how you are turning this experience into helping others and we are huge supporters of the March of Dimes.
I admire you for sharing your story, it’s never easy to talk about something as heartbreaking as this. Thank you as well for providing aid for those in need of assistance. It’s really touching, what you did!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you’re going through but I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Im so sorry about your loss. I could not even imagine what you went through. Thank you for channeling something so sad and devastating into something positive, and I do believe that you are blessing someone with every penny you give.
That is such a beautiful way to honor the memory of your sweet little one.
So sorry to hear about your loss. Miscarriage is so much more common than people think, sadly.
Miscarriages are really one of those very unfortunate things that happen in life. I am both happy and sad for you since even if I wasn’t in the position, I still somehow know how it feels to lose someone who wasn’t even there in the first place. But the joy of you still carrying on makes us inspired as well. You signed up for a great cause.
As someone who struggled with infertility I want to thank you for sharing your journey and what is very private pain in the hopes that others who are facing the same challenges will feel a sense of comfort in knowing that they are not alone. I think it is so wonderful that you have been able to channel your energy into helping others via The March of Dimes and I am sending you much love today and always.
Thank you for sharing your story. It must be difficult for you to go through an experience like this. However, I admire your strength and your selflessness to share your blessings to March of Dimes. The world needs more people like you and I hope someday, you will be blessed with a bundle of joy. Hugs!
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear this. Miscarriage is such a hard thing, you and you never really “get over it”. You lost a child, and that’s the most painful thing for any mom.
I know it’s always said, but God never gives you anything you can’t handle, And He always gives it to you for a reason. I’m glad that you hold on to that and value what you have. <3
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through.
I had two children already when I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks into my pregnancy. A year later I was pregnant with twins. It has been 11 years, but I still remember that little lost one and wonder what she or he would have been like. I am sorry to hear about your lost little one. It is kind and generous of you to give to others the way you have. It is a wonderful thing you have done.
Remember it. Be grateful. Enjoy the fact that you had the experience. Relish in it. Embrace it.
Much love to you.
Someone very close to me lost a pregnancy at five months. To say it was devastating is an understatement. We still think and talk about that child, which had a name and everything. The parents – who went on to have another child – are now active with March of Dimes in that first baby’s memory. It is so difficult to understand, but this is truly one of those situations where you have to tell yourself that “God knows best” and to keep on chasing joy. Blessings to you, honey!