Today marks two years since my mom passed away. The past two years have both flown by and gone amazingly slow if that makes sense. So much is the same yet so much is different. But the thing that stands out today is the fact that the advice my mom gave me on how to handle her passing was 100% on point. Two years later, my mom was right about how to handle her death.
If you didn’t know my mom passed away after a three-year battle with lung cancer. It was a hard 3 years for her as the patient and for me as her caregiver. However we truly made the best of it. I’m happy to have so many positive memories of our time together. We went to multiple ballets, Wicked, The Lion King, and most surprisingly, and at her request, Blue Man Group. My mom really was my best friend and after my dad died I’m pretty sure I was hers. So these two years without her have not been easy. But, I’ve tried really hard to do what she told me to do and she was right about how to handle her death.
I can’t say that there’s any positive side hearing the words there’s nothing else we can do from a doctor, so I won’t even go there. However, one thing that resulted from my mom hearing those words was her writing me a letter. I’ve shared parts of this letter before right after she passed away so I won’t go into detail again. The part of the letter that has been the most helpful was when she told me how I should handle her death.
My mom was my number one supporter when it came to me having a child of my own. Even if that meant doing it without a husband or even a boyfriend. I know that’s not what she imagined for me but she was right on board giving me all the support and encouragement I needed. When multiple IUIs did it work and even after my missed miscarriage she kept me encouraged. She even started crocheting a baby blanket before I even conceived. In the letter that she wrote me after finding out that the cancer was over taking her she told me how happy she was that I was going to be a mom and how the fact that I would have new life to look after would help me to not grieve too long. She wanted me to look toward the future and not spend too much time thinking about the past. She was so right.
Now I still think about my mom and also my dad every single day. The ache of missing them is still very very painful. However I become more accustomed to the ache everyday. Now I live with it like a wonky knee. Sometimes the pain might Slow Me Down but most of the time I’m perfectly capable and carrying on with life without giving it thought. But in the nine months since I found out I was pregnant with my son the grief has gotten lighter in a way. I’ve been so focused on him, becoming a good mom, creating a happy life for us, that I don’t have as much time left to think about how much I miss my parents. I definitely have my moments though. If there was a price I could pay to have them here with me I’d pay it. Sometimes I do feel angry and cheated that I don’t have my mom to go to with my pregnancy questions but more often I just feel so blessed to be becoming a mom that there’s not much room left for any other feelings. So my mom was right about how to handle her death.
Now that doesn’t mean that everyone who loses a parent should run out and get pregnant. She was right about focusing on the future, sticking to my goals and dreams, and focusing on living as opposed to what is missing even if what was missing is her.
So, two years after my mom’s death I miss her terribly. I still shed tears regularly for her. But most days I’m really really happy as I wait for the arrival of my little boy who will be here in less than 22 days.
Losing a parent is one of the devastating experiences that most of us will have to face. If you have been through it like me, what advice would you give tooin others who will one day face this type of loss? Do you think my mom was right? Or do you have another perspective?