Today was a good day. I survived. As you know from yesterday’s post, today would have been my mom’s birthday. It’s always a tricky day. I never know exactly how I’m going to feel so I take the precautions that I mentioned in yesterday’s post.
My strategies were successful. Today was indeed a good day. But I can’t take all the credit. Having been through long seasons of disappointment and grief in my life, I have a little bit of a post-traumatic stress. What I mean is whenever I make plans for self-care or anything fun I have this fear in the back of my mind that something is going to go wrong. A fear that I’m not going to be able to have whatever plesant experience I had planned.
My plans for today included a spa treatment. I joined one of those programs where you pay a certain amount each month and then get to make a an appointment for service. However, between purchasing a home, Baby Joy Chaser being sick, me being sick, and regular daily tasks I was never able to make my appointments. I had several months of spa packages banked.
Knowing I was not going to be at work today I scheduled a spa appointment. In the back of my mind I was worried that something was going to happen and causing me not to be able to go. But God is good and everything went really smoothly today. I was able to have my day off and my spa treatment. So while I can take credit for planning to be off work and scheduling the spa treatment I certainly can’t take credit for things having gone smoothly allowing me to actually go.
I really don’t like the fact that I have a hard time looking forward to executing plans. I hate that I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I need to come up with a strategy to manage this because this fear of something going wrong is a true Joy Thief.
Anyway, despite my fear of something going wrong everything went right. I got to come home and go back to bed after dropping Baby Joy Chaser off at daycare. I made it to my spa appointment on time. I treated myself to the candy that I like. Then I got some really good news in the evening.
I still missed my mom and my dad too really like I do everyday. I thought about my mom a little bit more than usual. This is the fourth birthday since she passed away and yes there was still some tears. Overall today was a good day and I am grateful.