12 Things I Don’t Need to Have a More Joyful 2012

from google images

A few weeks ago while reading some other blogs I kept coming across the theme Reverb.  I also started seeing it as a hashtag on twitter, #Reverb.  Finally I figured out what it is.  Reverb is a way of reflecting on the end of the year and the year to come.  I liked the idea so I signed up to get Reverb writing prompts via email. 

I have received a few Reverb emails but had not had a chance to write a response to any of the prompts.  But when I got this one I was determined to do it.  This Reverb is 12 Things My Life Does Not Need in 2012.  So here is  my list ( yall know I love lists) :

1. Debt
2. Excess Weight
3. Clutter
4. Fear
5. Dehydration
6. Addiction
7. Loneliness
8. Control
9. Lateness
10. Ego
11. Guilt
12. Shame

OK, so I’ll elaborate on my list a little.  Cant have you thinking I’m some sort of broke, fat,scared, lonesome, dry mouthed, hoarder, addict, control freak who’s never on time filled with guilt and shame, yet thinks she’s better than everyone else.  Hmmm.  That sentence was meant to be funny but it is actually kind of scary to imagine myself, even jokingly, in that way.  Good thing I am not taking fear into 2012.

1. OK so this is a bit of a confession.  I am really really good with money.  In theory.  I know what to do but have not always been good at doing it.  In particular when my circumstances have changed I have not made adjustments to my budget.  For example when my dad died there was about a 6 to 9 month period where I was not getting the money I was used to getting for my parents share of the rent.  Eventually all the red tape stuff with social security was taken care of and I was receiving normal rent payments again.  None of that was a problem.  I could afford to pay the entire mortgage myself.  The problem though was I could not afford to pay the entire mortgage and still shop, go out to eat, and get my hair done the way I always had.  But instead cutting back my spending during those few months I kept right on spending as though nothing had changed.  Throw in a couple pet emergencies and here I am now 2 years later still carrying that debt.  I have made recent changes and dents in the debt.  But I definitely do not need to carry this debt and living above my means through 2012.
2. I’ve been working on my weight consistently for a few years now. I have been making better choices and exercises.  But then I slack off and the fast food and snacks sneak back in.  I have been really good about not giving up and always getting back on the healthy band wagon.  I just have to stay focused and not throw in the towel. Excess weight is something I definitely don’t need to carry through 2012.
3. My mom said it best a few weeks ago.  If someone meet me in person they’d see how well put together I am.  Then if I invited them over they’d be shocked at how messy my house is.  Not dirty but messy.  Messy as in stuff everywhere.  My car is a little give away as I have things in the trunk that I have not bothered to put away in the house.  I have been working on this already and things have improved.  I have gotten rid of more things that I don’t use or wear.  I have invested in more storage solutions.  The biggest thing is that I have set aside some time the last few Sundays to just clean.  Clutter is something I don’t need to carry through 2012.
4. So this one is the big one.  FEAR. I have only recently realized how much fear I am carrying with me.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of being alone. Fear of disappointment and disappointing others.  Fear of confrontation and also Fear of being taken advantage of.  It is a really uncomfortable space wedged in between all of this Fear.  At least I am starting to see things clearly and seeing the fear for what it really is…in the way and blocking my Joy.  Fear is definitely something I don’t need to carry into 2012.
5. This one is pretty basic and goes along with my letting go of excess weight.  Water water water.  I need to make this a priority.  Water is the best hydration there is and is great for clear skin and a trim waist.  Dehydration will not be accompanying me into 2012.
6. No I am not a crack addict, meth addict, or any other kind of drug addict.  I am entirely to vain for that.  Have you seen what that stuff does to  you???   What I am addicted to is sugar!!!  OK I said it but I still am not ready to admit I have a problem.  I don’t want to give it up.  It makes me feel so good!!!  That is until I am falling asleep because my body does not process it well .  That is until my pants don’t fit because I have had 1, 2, OK 5 too many snack cakes.  While I don’t want to cut sugar out of my life completely, I know I must conquer my addiction to it.  I don’t need to carry a sugar addiction with me through 2012.
7. This one I have been working on.  I will continue with my efforts to find a Joy Chasing partner.  I will be more open minded and willing to meet new and different people.  Life is more fun when you share it.  Joy can be greatly multiplied when it is shared.  I don’t need to carry loneliness with me through 2012
8. In addition to realizing I have been carrying a lot of fear around, I have also been living with an illusion.  I have mistakenly thought that if I did everything right, made the best decisions, dated the “right guys” and had a responsible job I could control the outcome of my life and ensure its Awesomeness.  I have been so wrong.  While their is nothing wrong with making the best decisions, dating the right guy, and having a responsible job, it will not guarantee you anything.  Life is full of surprises.  You cannot control it only your response to it, whether or not you will Chase Joy through the ups and the downs.  So I will not mistakenly attempt to carry control with me into 2012. 
9. This one is a new one for me.  I used to be on time all the time.  Now I am late all the time.  I think the route of the problem is prioritizing.  I’d rather be up late blogging, watching TV, talking, facebooking, twittering, and otherwise communicating with you Joy Chasers than going to bed at a reasonable time.  This translates into not being able to get up early enough to do everythinging I need to do to get out of the house on time.  In addition to the prioritizing problem I guess I am a bit of a late reactor.  Similar to what I was saying about not adjusting my spending to changing circumstances.  I have also not changed my routines when my circumstances changed.  I did not set aside any time in my day to care for my cat and then my dog.  I’m realizing tending to the feeding, cleaning, and care of these animals takes a lot of time that I have not made room for in my day.  I guess some things are going to have to change. I will not carry lateness with me into 2012.
10. Hopefully this one is a bit of a surprise.  I do tend to think pretty highly of myself and have a pretty big ego.  Not in the I’m better than you kind of way.  But in the I should not make the same kinds of mistakes that everyone else does kind of way.  The I know I’m really smart so how could I let that happen to me kind of way.  All of this thinking so highly of myself creates a really self critical person.  So I know I need to let the ego go.  I have to stop holding myself to a higher standard than others and allow myself to make some mistakes.  From what I hear there is a lot of fun to be had in making mistakes.  Letting my ego go.  No room for ego in 2012.
11. I don’t know of any emotion that zaps Joy as much as guilt.  But this one I think I can conquer as long as I stay focused.  I happen to consider myself a Christian so, contrary to what you may think, this is a big help with guilt.  I have to just keep reminding myself not to be hypocritical.  If I say that I believe Jesus died for my sins.  Why am I walking around punishing myself for them. Jesus took care of them and it is God’s job to judge not mine.  So staying focused on my faith should help me leave guilt behind and not take this Joy zapper into 2012.
12. Now this is not the same as guilt.  For me shame has more to do with ego than remorse.  When I have fallen victim to other peoples negative actions and behaviors I have often found fault with myself.  I have felt shame that a person as smart and awesome as me could  be lied to, cheated on, used, and otherwise victimized.  This is because that ego steps in and says your not like everyone else you should have known better.  But I am sending shame packing along with the ego.  I accept that these things happen to everyone and I am no different from anyone else in that respect.  So there is no reason for me to feel ashamed and definitely no need to carry it into 2012.

Leaving these things behind should  make room for Joy in my life.  What do you need to leave behind to make room for more Joy in 2012???

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