What good are money, fancy cars, and the latest gadgets and games if you don’t have anyone to share them with??? A Joy filled life is a life shared with family and friends. However, aside from family and friends most of us want to share our lives with a partner/ significant other. In a perfect fantasy world that man or woman have the looks of a model, intelligence of a genius, charisma of your favorite politician, be humorous as a king or queen of comedy, super honest, extremely generous, genuinely caring and have lots of money to spare. Sadly this is no fantasy world and this perfect man/woman does not exist.
So we have to be realistic and accept a normal flawed person like ourselves. But how? How do we accept someone as they are, flaws and all, and give them a chance but at the same time “not settle”? I know you’ve all either advised someone or been advised by someone to “not settle” when It comes to relationships. So where is the line? Where is the line between accepting someone’s flaws and “settling”? And how do you make sure not to cross that line?
I have been thinking about this for a while. I have finally figured it out for me. Key word here is “for me” you may have a different standard for judging that line. The difference between giving someone a chance and accepting them, flaws and all and “settling” lies in the behavior. Accepting someone who is not that super smart, crazy funny, rich, model is fine as long as he or she meets your standards of how you want to be treated. The second you let someone who does not treat you with the level of respect and kindness you desire and deserve become an important part of your life, your partner/significant other, YOU HAVE SETTELED. And where is the Joy in that???
So now that I have figured this out for myself I will go forward meeting new people and dating, accepting people who are not perfect but not accepting any treatment that steals my Joy.
Wonderful, wonderful post. You are so right! I settled for 15 years and ended up desperately unhappy. Now I am single, and while sometimes I miss my ex-wife, I am happier than before because I have come to realise the truth you highlighted in this post. As Sweeetmocha commented, I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that is bad for me.
Reciprocal love, respect and kindness are indeed the keys.
Yesterday my love asked me why I wasn't frustrated with him. I told him it was because I chose not to be. It was as simple as that. I have been loving him a long time now… and I wonder, "In the beginning would I have been so patient? Would I have made the same choice?" I doubt it… which is too bad because he is a phenomenal human being. I am grateful I didn't know some of his "not so great" features. My love for him is so deep….ahhhh. Thank you for reminding me.
bam 🙂 I totaly agree. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship that is bad for me. I can do bad all by myself.
Good advice! Being a single woman isn't always easy, but I'd rather be alone than in a bad/scary/non-healthy relationship. I've thought about that alot – especially when you feel like one of your friends is "settling". But settling does have a different meaning to everyone and I try to remind myself of that too. ~bam~