This weekend I tried something new. I attended a sex ed workshop and learned how to have a more joyful sex life. The workshop was at BellaNor Boutique with SHARE. SHARE is The Center for Sexual Health and Relationship Enrichment. The workshop, lead by two licensed sex, marriage, and family therapists, was enlightening, entertaining, and even a little explicit. Because I like to keep it PG, or at least PG13 on the blog, I can’t tell you about everything that was discussed. However, here are a few highlights
Sadly most of us were stumped by the first question the therapists asked. The question was when was the last time you felt really good about your body. Not when was the last time you felt pretty or attractive. When was the last time you felt good about your body to the point you could be naked and not be concerned about the jiggly or dimpled parts. For me, the answer is about 4 or 5 years ago 🙁 This is not OK. I have some work to do in the confidence department.
We discussed a little bit of anatomy. We should all know how our girly parts work, what they look like, and the proper names. During the anatomy discussion the therapists reminded us that we should always make informed decisions about our bodies. This includes decisions we make when it comes to delivering babies. The therapist advised that a very common procedure, the episiotomy, can have a negative effect on your sex life after baby. This procedure can cause scare tissue and vein damage that can make your girly parts not work as well as before. This does not mean you should not have one. However, a conversation about this common procedure should take place with your doctor before labor begins.
The overall goal of the workshop was to discuss how to have a more joyful sex life. To do this it’s important for people to remember that what you do what your significant other is real and should not be compared or expected to be like what you see on TV or on those movies. Make an effort to remove what the therapists called “blockers” things that steal your focus away from enjoying your experience. Blockers are things like body image, stress, lack of time, religion issues, and past trauma and abuse.
There were some very practical things you can do to have a more joyful experience. Do things that make you feel pretty and sexy. Create a routine where you do these things for yourself. Not for your partner. Do them for yourselves to make you feel good about you. Then make sure you don’t stop doing those things. Not event when life gets hectic money gets low. Make sure maintaining your pretty is a priority.
Set your bedroom up to enhance your experience. It should reflect your personality and what makes you feel sexy. There should be no toys, pictures of children or pictures of parents in your bed room. There was opinions on both sides as to whether or not a TV should be allowed in the bedroom. The idea is to not have things in the bed room that can cause you to become distracted, so no Facebooking, texting, Tweeting, or reading Chasing Joy blog in the bed room.
One practical tip that really made me think was make time for a healthy sex life. Now I have mentioned before that I have an. However, how much time am I making available to go out and meet people? How often do I make time to look at the online profiles that I have on dating sites, especially the free ones that I tend to forget about. I’m thinking I need to make more time for focusing on getting a sex life. Got to get one before I can make it Joyful. LOL
Last but not least we all have to remember that having a Joyful sex life is our own responsibility It is not the sole responsibility of our partners to make us enjoy it. We have to make it a priority, know how our bodies work, work on our body image issues and confidence, decrease the blockers that distract us from our experience, set our bedrooms up to enhance and reflect our sexy side and make time for our relationships or finding them.