This weekend was the first time I hosted my annual BBQ after losing my dad. Every year my street has a block party. And every year I would invite people over and have a BBQ out in front of the house. I would have pretty flowers in the planters, good food on the grill, and cold drinks in the cooler. I’d invite my friends over and have a great day.
But last year I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I could not imagine having people over and laughing and joking and being happy without my dad. What if I suddenly started missing him and got upset in front of my guests? What if someone forgot that he’d passed away and asked about him? What if my nieces or nephews did not understand his absence? It just plain old didn’t seem fair that there could be pretty flowers, coordinating décor, good food and laughter in a world without my dad…
The good thing is feelings change, that morning is a process not a constant state. While I will always miss him and imagine there will always be an ache in my heart. I am starting to get used to a new normal, adjusting to allowing myself to have fun, to appreciate nice things, to Chase Joy.
So this year I had the BBQ! I surrounded myself with people I care about and who care about me. 22 people came including adults and kids. This is the most people ever!!! And it was great! I was nervous as I always am before entertaining. But we did not run out of food or drinks. Everyone got along and the kids were not bored. And most importantly I am doing me again. I am doing the things that make me happy and I know that would make my dad happy. Despite the challenges of the grieving process I am Chasing Joy. I hosted my annual BBQ for the first time since losing my dad and it was a Joy!!!
How did you handle the first time you did something after a major life change a death, divorce, new baby, marriage, layoff, etc???
I am linking this post to The Red Dress Club’s Remember Red writing prompt.
Very good for you, i could feel the trepidation & the big sigh of relief at living and enjoying. very good article, keep going. thanks
I'm glad you did it! The first time doing anything after a tragedy is always the hardest. Way to honor your dad
Good for you. I'm sure it was hard, but good to be around other people you love.
My heart is sad and happy for you at the same time. I really love this post. Thanks for sharing such a sweet post.
Congratulations on such a huge step forward. i could feel the trepidation and the big sigh of relief at living and enjoying. A full circle, for sure.
II'm sorry about your dad- and am so glad to have gotten a glimpse of your powerful relationship with him here!
congratulations- that is a BIG step! loss is so so hard
I am so, so glad that you went ahead with the BBQ. Part of mourning is also celebrating the memories, you know? My father died almost four years ago and there are times I think, "He'd laugh so hard at that" and go to pick up the phone. But it does get easier..
When my Dad died I could not imagine ever laughing again..time of course changed that and in the place of mournimg there is a remembrance of joy. When we all get together we always hoist a toast though!
Chris
Thank you Rach. It is getting better 🙂
Good for you for throwing that BBQ! I am sorry about your dad though. That has to be so hard.