Chasing Joy

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12 Things I Don’t Need to Have a More Joyful 2012

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from google images

A few weeks ago while reading some other blogs I kept coming across the theme Reverb.  I also started seeing it as a hashtag on twitter, #Reverb.  Finally I figured out what it is.  Reverb is a way of reflecting on the end of the year and the year to come.  I liked the idea so I signed up to get Reverb writing prompts via email. 

I have received a few Reverb emails but had not had a chance to write a response to any of the prompts.  But when I got this one I was determined to do it.  This Reverb is 12 Things My Life Does Not Need in 2012.  So here is  my list ( yall know I love lists) :

  1. Debt
  2. Excess Weight
  3. Clutter
  4. Fear
  5. Dehydration
  6. Addiction
  7. Loneliness
  8. Control
  9. Lateness
  10. Ego
  11. Guilt
  12. Shame

OK, so I’ll elaborate on my list a little.  Cant have you thinking I’m some sort of broke, fat,scared, lonesome, dry mouthed, hoarder, addict, control freak who’s never on time filled with guilt and shame, yet thinks she’s better than everyone else.  Hmmm.  That sentence was meant to be funny but it is actually kind of scary to imagine myself, even jokingly, in that way.  Good thing I am not taking fear into 2012.

  1. OK so this is a bit of a confession.  I am really really good with money.  In theory.  I know what to do but have not always been good at doing it.  In particular when my circumstances have changed I have not made adjustments to my budget.  For example when my dad died there was about a 6 to 9 month period where I was not getting the money I was used to getting for my parents share of the rent.  Eventually all the red tape stuff with social security was taken care of and I was receiving normal rent payments again.  None of that was a problem.  I could afford to pay the entire mortgage myself.  The problem though was I could not afford to pay the entire mortgage and still shop, go out to eat, and get my hair done the way I always had.  But instead cutting back my spending during those few months I kept right on spending as though nothing had changed.  Throw in a couple pet emergencies and here I am now 2 years later still carrying that debt.  I have made recent changes and dents in the debt.  But I definitely do not need to carry this debt and living above my means through 2012.
  2. I’ve been working on my weight consistently for a few years now. I have been making better choices and exercises.  But then I slack off and the fast food and snacks sneak back in.  I have been really good about not giving up and always getting back on the healthy band wagon.  I just have to stay focused and not throw in the towel. Excess weight is something I definitely don’t need to carry through 2012.
  3. My mom said it best a few weeks ago.  If someone meet me in person they’d see how well put together I am.  Then if I invited them over they’d be shocked at how messy my house is.  Not dirty but messy.  Messy as in stuff everywhere.  My car is a little give away as I have things in the trunk that I have not bothered to put away in the house.  I have been working on this already and things have improved.  I have gotten rid of more things that I don’t use or wear.  I have invested in more storage solutions.  The biggest thing is that I have set aside some time the last few Sundays to just clean.  Clutter is something I don’t need to carry through 2012.
  4. So this one is the big one.  FEAR. I have only recently realized how much fear I am carrying with me.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of being alone. Fear of disappointment and disappointing others.  Fear of confrontation and also Fear of being taken advantage of.  It is a really uncomfortable space wedged in between all of this Fear.  At least I am starting to see things clearly and seeing the fear for what it really is…in the way and blocking my Joy.  Fear is definitely something I don’t need to carry into 2012.
  5. This one is pretty basic and goes along with my letting go of excess weight.  Water water water.  I need to make this a priority.  Water is the best hydration there is and is great for clear skin and a trim waist.  Dehydration will not be accompanying me into 2012.
  6. No I am not a crack addict, meth addict, or any other kind of drug addict.  I am entirely to vain for that.  Have you seen what that stuff does to  you???   What I am addicted to is sugar!!!  OK I said it but I still am not ready to admit I have a problem.  I don’t want to give it up.  It makes me feel so good!!!  That is until I am falling asleep because my body does not process it well .  That is until my pants don’t fit because I have had 1, 2, OK 5 too many snack cakes.  While I don’t want to cut sugar out of my life completely, I know I must conquer my addiction to it.  I don’t need to carry a sugar addiction with me through 2012.
  7. This one I have been working on.  I will continue with my efforts to find a Joy Chasing partner.  I will be more open minded and willing to meet new and different people.  Life is more fun when you share it.  Joy can be greatly multiplied when it is shared.  I don’t need to carry loneliness with me through 2012
  8. In addition to realizing I have been carrying a lot of fear around, I have also been living with an illusion.  I have mistakenly thought that if I did everything right, made the best decisions, dated the “right guys” and had a responsible job I could control the outcome of my life and ensure its Awesomeness.  I have been so wrong.  While their is nothing wrong with making the best decisions, dating the right guy, and having a responsible job, it will not guarantee you anything.  Life is full of surprises.  You cannot control it only your response to it, whether or not you will Chase Joy through the ups and the downs.  So I will not mistakenly attempt to carry control with me into 2012. 
  9. This one is a new one for me.  I used to be on time all the time.  Now I am late all the time.  I think the route of the problem is prioritizing.  I’d rather be up late blogging, watching TV, talking, facebooking, twittering, and otherwise communicating with you Joy Chasers than going to bed at a reasonable time.  This translates into not being able to get up early enough to do everythinging I need to do to get out of the house on time.  In addition to the prioritizing problem I guess I am a bit of a late reactor.  Similar to what I was saying about not adjusting my spending to changing circumstances.  I have also not changed my routines when my circumstances changed.  I did not set aside any time in my day to care for my cat and then my dog.  I’m realizing tending to the feeding, cleaning, and care of these animals takes a lot of time that I have not made room for in my day.  I guess some things are going to have to change. I will not carry lateness with me into 2012.
  10. Hopefully this one is a bit of a surprise.  I do tend to think pretty highly of myself and have a pretty big ego.  Not in the I’m better than you kind of way.  But in the I should not make the same kinds of mistakes that everyone else does kind of way.  The I know I’m really smart so how could I let that happen to me kind of way.  All of this thinking so highly of myself creates a really self critical person.  So I know I need to let the ego go.  I have to stop holding myself to a higher standard than others and allow myself to make some mistakes.  From what I hear there is a lot of fun to be had in making mistakes.  Letting my ego go.  No room for ego in 2012.
  11. I don’t know of any emotion that zaps Joy as much as guilt.  But this one I think I can conquer as long as I stay focused.  I happen to consider myself a Christian so, contrary to what you may think, this is a big help with guilt.  I have to just keep reminding myself not to be hypocritical.  If I say that I believe Jesus died for my sins.  Why am I walking around punishing myself for them. Jesus took care of them and it is God’s job to judge not mine.  So staying focused on my faith should help me leave guilt behind and not take this Joy zapper into 2012.
  12. Now this is not the same as guilt.  For me shame has more to do with ego than remorse.  When I have fallen victim to other peoples negative actions and behaviors I have often found fault with myself.  I have felt shame that a person as smart and awesome as me could  be lied to, cheated on, used, and otherwise victimized.  This is because that ego steps in and says your not like everyone else you should have known better.  But I am sending shame packing along with the ego.  I accept that these things happen to everyone and I am no different from anyone else in that respect.  So there is no reason for me to feel ashamed and definitely no need to carry it into 2012.

Leaving these things behind should  make room for Joy in my life.  What do you need to leave behind to make room for more Joy in 2012???

Unhappy Holidays: Chasing Joy with Green Eyes

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So I’ve had Joy in my sights for sometime now. Chasing it at a steady pace slowly closing the gap.  But then something happened.  I took my eyes off of Joy for just a second and now I can barely see it up ahead.

I have never been an athlete but I had the torture, I mean privilege of growing up with one.  My brother ran track all the way through school up into college.  My dad had been an athlete himself.  So I grew up hearing such advice as “consistency is the key” “lean at the end of the race” and “don’t wast time looking back for your competition during a race.” 

Most of this advice is completely lost on me.  However it would be in my own best interest to remember to keep my eyes on the finish line and not look back at my competition.  Instead of keeping my eyes on Joy recently I’ve gotten distracted looking at what was going on in the lives of my competitors.  OK not really my competitors but at the lives of my friends and family members. 

As you all know I am single and looking (now accepting boyfriend applications click here) for Mr. Right.  Well the holiday season can be a little tough on single folks.  Much of the non-commercial aspects of the holidays are focused on spending time with your family.  So I have found myself spending a bit too much time looking back at how my friends and family were doing instead of keeping my eyes on my own Joy.  Who is getting their kids what toys, who is spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with their significant other’s family,  what holiday family portraits will I get in the mail this year, etc,etc, etc…

Suddenly I’m feeling like I wish I had some cute kids to buy cute kid toys for,  I wish I had a boyfriend to supply with hints on what I want for Christmas,  I wish I had a significant other to invite for Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner and will I have anyone to kiss at New Years???  And then it happened, Joy moving just out of my sights. 

So today instead of Chasing Joy I feel like I’m running from loneliness and the green eyed monster of envy. Oh and let me also add hypocrisy.  How can I write a blog about Chasing Joy when Joy has definitely been out of my reach lately???  But then I come to my senses and remember why I started Chasing Joy.  I did not start Chasing Joy because I have Joy.  I started Chasing it because I need it. 

None of us are happy all the time.  This blog is not an I’m happy all the time don’t you want to be happy like me type of blog.  This is a life is not fair, sometime it downright sucks, but I’m going to accept it and make an effort to be happy anyway type of blog.  Besides, wouldn’t it just make you all so annoyed If I only wrote about how happy and positive and upbeat I am???  Don’t you relate to me better when I admit to having a bad day or a hard time?  Doesn’t it remind you that I am actually a person and not just some sort of Joy app?

So, while lately I have a bit of the single during the holidays blues, have been fighting against feelings of loneliness, while viewing the world through the green eye’s of envy, I will not get stuck in this place.  I will remember that consistency is the key and continue to make myself and what makes me happy a priority even during this season of giving.  I will stop waisting time looking at other peoples lives and focus on Joy.  I’ll catch up to it again.  I will also lean at the end of the race???  Oh, wait, I guess that bit of track advice doesn’t really apply to me LOL

Do you get down during the holidays?  What do you do to feel better?  How do you reign yourself in when you are overtaken by the green eyed monster?

No Mojo No Joy

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Mojo as defined on one of my favorite online hangout Wikipedia: Mojo – a slang word for self-confidence, self-esteem or sex appeal. Now that I know exactly what it is can someone tell me where I put it??? Hmm… I’ve looked in my closet, in cosmetics bag, heck I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t seem to find it. I have got to get my Mojo back!!!

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever thought dag where did my confidence go? I used to bring the sexy now I need to have someone bring sexy back to me!!!

Now I have to admit I have not really lost my Mojo. It’s more like we play a game of hot potato. I get warmer, warmer, warmer, and sometimes I even know I’m the hotness. But then I make a wrong turn, make a bad decision, trust the wrong person, have a run in with a box of tasty cakes, make a mistake at work and then it’s cold, cold, cold… Mojo gone again.

I know I’m not the only one. One of my favorite Joy Chasers has recently been telling me she has to get her Mojo back. She lost her Mojo when she became a mom. While she was filling her bag with pacifiers, bottles, and diapers for her lady bug she forgot to pack her confidence, self-esteem, and sex appeal. But she is now aware and making moves to get her Mojo Back. She is making the best of her “mommy-breaks”

Now you don’t have to be a mom to lose your Mojo Sometimes we get caught up with work. I’m blessed with a job that I get to leave behind at 6 o’clock. But not all of you joy chasers are so lucky. It’s more like 9 to 9 plus weekends. And holidays??? What are those again? Is the lack of sleep, high pressure, and boring power suit robbing you of your Mojo? Do you not even know what to do with yourself when you have time off???

Or maybe you are in between jobs. You feel like there is nothing confident or sexy about unemployment. Interview suits and boring responsible hairdos are stifling your Mojo.

There was a time when was playing a losing game of hot potato with my Mojo. I was getting colder and colder and colder as I became less confident, lost self-esteem and felt like a negative 10 on the sexy meter. I not only lost but abandoned my Mojo. I was at a job I hated, in a relationship that was not working, and then I lost my biggest cheerleader, my dad. But I did what my joy chasing friend is doing I became aware and started to make some changes. Specifically I made changes that involved me making my happiness a top priority. I got a new job. I ended that relationship. I have distanced myself from people who do not support me. I have grown closer to those who want to Chase Joy with me. I started making healthy lifestyle changes. I make an effort to where things that make me feel more confident and sexy. I am conscious of my Mojo and immediately start looking for it whenever I think I may have lost it. No Mojo No Joy. We all want Joy!

Have you ever lost your Mojo? If so how and what did you do to get it back? What advice would you give to someone who has lost their Mojo?

Weekend Guest Keazy: Changing Your Mindset to Accepting Joy

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A couple weeks ago I sent out an invitation for you to be my Weekend Guest by guest posting on Chasing Joy.  I am happy to welcome our first Weekend Guest, Keazy.  Keazy is an easy going guy that has an open mind and loves to learn.  That sounds like a perfect foundation for Chasing Joy.  Here is his post:

Changing Your Mindset to Accepting Joy

I am a firm believer that there is joy in almost everything we do. You can find Joy in things that most will not. Take for instances myself, I find joy in driving, making that special one feel special and helping others in need. I have learned to accept that warm feeling in my heart when Joy comes my way. That special feeling inside that you know you can’t shake and you know that it’s there.

Over the years, I have been changing my mindset to be more accepting of things, especially Joy. I can remember two of the worst days of my life when I really realized that life is short and accepting Joy can really change my life. The first time was about 6 years ago when my best friend committed suicide. I will never forget that day because I fell into a very deep depression, very dark place in my life. I shut myself off to the world and couldn’t find a way to snap out it. Months went by and I didn’t see any Joy coming my way.

The one thing that came out of this was that rest of my best friends and I have become closer. It was like an unspoken bond between us and I remember the year when we went to Virginia Beach for vacation one of my friends stated that “you know we are missing one”. All of us said at the same time, “I was just thinking the same thing”. Lots of things were said in that mall where we were popping tags like we were CEO’s. We all found Joy in the fact that we were all closer after his death even though we were still grieving. We changed our mindset to accept the Joy that was given to us even in sorrow. Opened up our hearts and feeling about what happen only to realize that we are now brothers for life. An unbelievable feeling.

The other bad day in my life was this past July when my grandmother passed away. The glue to our family was gone just like that. It hurt so badly because it was two days after I celebrated my 33rd birthday. I remember attending a cook out during the evening in which I stayed at a friend’s house and I got the phone call at 5 in the morning from my father and he said I need to come home now. My parents told me the news and I was devastated. I couldn’t breathe; I just sat in the chair and took it all in.

I was more in shock than anything else. As I was having a good time at the cook out my grandmother was dying and when I found out the time she passed, I couldn’t believe it because she had crossed my mind that instant and I said I would call her in the morning. She was off and on sick and I told myself that I would take the drive down to South Carolina to see her but I never made it. I regret that decision to this day.

We left that morning to drive down to South Carolina and when I was behind the wheel, I just thought about every year, us taking this same trip down 95 south to South of the Border to get on to US 301/501 to Conway and US 701 to Georgetown. I can drive to my grandmas with my eyes closed I know these roads so well. Walking into her house for the first time and realizing that when I ring this doorbell, she will not be on the other end of the door to let me in just melted my heart away. I finally realized that this is real. My dad was very encouraging to me saying “son, you are not going through this alone; every one misses her just like you”. I wasn’t trying to hear that, I just wanted my grandma back.

The moment my cousins arrived we all just gave each other big hugs. My oldest cousin Eric proceeded to go to the back yard and just sit and we all joined him. We started telling funny stories about grandma beating us and the way she would always cook all this food for us to eat and how they were jealous of me and my brother because they thought she gave us special treatment because we come from Philadelphia and they saw her every day. Little did they know I felt jealous of them because they were able to spend time with her whenever they wanted. As we continued to drink Crown Royal and coke, we decided as cousins, that we would not let this death break up the family. We have all gotten closer as a unit and I could not be happier with my family. We all changed our mindset from sadness to the Joy that she brought to all of our lives. There is sunshine under every cloudy sky.

You can find Joy in almost anything in this world. You just have to change your mindset in order to accept it instead of running away from it. Listen to your heart, it tells you what your Joy is.

To read more of Keazy’s work visit his blog A New Beginning, friend him on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter

If you’d like to be a weekend guest email me your post at joychasing@yahoo.com and find additional information on guest posting qualifications here.

Where Chasing Joy is From

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I am from row homes from Quarter Juice Hugs and Lemon Heads.

I am from an old house, a family house, and a living room that was truly lived in and accompanied by a soundtrack of laughter.

I am from the buttercup, the morning glory, and making wishes on dandelions.

I am from jig dances and Christmas pranks; from Bill and Barbara, the Hartie’s

I am from soldiering it and perfect attendance.

From pig feet and monkey lips; from enjoying the absence of pain.

I am from church on Saturday and supermarket on Sunday.

I’m from North Philly, Nicetown, Germantown and Erie

From Homemade Sweet Potato Pie.

From a cat named socks and boys who destroyed both a clock and TV with one toss of a ball.

From a dad who gave me my own lullaby and a mom who gave me permission not to be nice

I am from pictures over the mantel place and change in the bowl.

From football all day Sunday and DIY aka watching paint dry.

I am from peace, calm, support, uncondittional love, and a foundation ideal for Chasing Joy.

 
This post is inspired by a writing prompt called Where are you from? 
So tell me where are you from?

Joyful Tradition – October The First

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Do you hear what I hear? If so, then you hear the merry melody and holiday harmony of Christmas music. I know what you are thinking Christmas Music it’s too soon it’s not even winter. But time flies whether you are having fun or not. Christmas will be here before you know it. So October the 1st is the day we start preparing for Christmas in my family.

My paternal grandmother started this tradition. I never met her but I heard she was a great lady. She had a lot of kids and not a lot of money so she’d start making small purchases and creating a festive
Christmas atmosphere starting October the 1st and keep the Christmas Spirit going up until Christmas day.

My dad brought that tradition to my family. He’d start prepping and counting down to Christmas on October the 1st. But most importantly he’d start playing Christmas Music. I’d wake up year after year knowing it was October the 1st when I’d hear the voice of Nat King Cole describing Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire and Jack Frost Nipping At Your Nose, The Temptations paying tribute to the Silent Night, Holy Night or Bing Crosby asking Do You Hear What I Hear?

So today in my house and in my brother’s house although it is too soon to purchase Halloween candy or thanksgiving trimmings you will hear the sound of tradition in the form of Christmas music.

Do you find joy in keeping family traditions? What practices have been passed down through the generations in your family?

Joy on TV

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I was not going to do this weeks writing prompt from Mamakat. But I was having so much fun reading others’ prompts I decided to go ahead and do my own. So here are ten tv shows that can be watched as a family that gave and continue to (thanks to Netflix and reruns) give me Joy. In no particular order:


Colombo -> I love the mystery and hardly ever figure it out before the end.


Murder She Wrote -> These mysteries were simple enough for me to follow as a kid and they still keep me entertained as an adult only now I also appreciate the small town vibe.


A Different World -> This Cosby Show spin off made me want to go to college.


Sisters-> Growing up with 3 brothers I could not get enough of this show and how the sisters both fought and supported each other.

Friends-> I’m sure I saw every episode. My college roommate and I watched this show every single day. The only thing that would have made it better was a little diversity.

The Office-> This show is just stupid. Mindless humor at it’s best.

Golden Girls -> These ladies make getting old look fun.

General Hospital -> I know soap operas tend to have very adult themes. However, I like most of my friends who watch started watching with our mothers. The irony is my mother does not watch anymore but I DVR it every day.

Seinfeld -> A great show about nothing. My dad and I had many a laughs at this show. Unfortunately the actor who played Kramer’s racial rantings a few years ago has kind of tarnished the reruns for me.


Any and all after school specials -> These used to drive my brothers crazy.

Do you like any of these shows? What TV shows did or do fill you with Joy???

Joy on the Grill

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This weekend was the first time I hosted my annual BBQ after losing my dad. Every year my street has a block party. And every year I would invite people over and have a BBQ out in front of the house. I would have pretty flowers in the planters, good food on the grill, and cold drinks in the cooler. I’d invite my friends over and have a great day.

But last year I just couldn’t bring myself to it. I could not imagine having people over and laughing and joking and being happy without my dad. What if I suddenly started missing him and got upset in front of my guests? What if someone forgot that he’d passed away and asked about him? What if my nieces or nephews did not understand his absence? It just plain old didn’t seem fair that there could be pretty flowers, coordinating décor, good food and laughter in a world without my dad…

The good thing is feelings change, that morning is a process not a constant state. While I will always miss him and imagine there will always be an ache in my heart. I am starting to get used to a new normal, adjusting to allowing myself to have fun, to appreciate nice things, to Chase Joy.

So this year I had the BBQ! I surrounded myself with people I care about and who care about me. 22 people came including adults and kids. This is the most people ever!!! And it was great! I was nervous as I always am before entertaining. But we did not run out of food or drinks. Everyone got along and the kids were not bored. And most importantly I am doing me again. I am doing the things that make me happy and I know that would make my dad happy. Despite the challenges of the grieving process I am Chasing Joy. I hosted my annual BBQ for the first time since losing my dad and it was a Joy!!!

How did you handle the first time you did something after a major life change a death, divorce, new baby, marriage, layoff, etc???

I am linking this post to The Red Dress Club’s Remember Red writing prompt.

Joyful Memories

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Wordful / Wordless Wednesday

Dancing with my Dad. One of my most Joyful Memories!!!

Share one of your most Joyful Memories.

The Joy of Dating???

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I have been single for a while now, over a year. But I have yet to really get back out there into the dating world. While I have been experiencing the Joy’s of being single, I one day want to experience the Joy’s of Marriage and Motherhood. But one step at a time, first things first, get back out in the dating world.

I have been a part of the dating seen in the past and not had the best experiences. A few of my most not winning (in my Charlie Sheen voice) experiences include long term boyfriend having a baby with someone else, having my date get arrested during a routine traffic stop because of a pre-existing warrant, and discovering that I was the other woman. Needless to say dating has not always been so much fun.

However, I am not so scarred or jaded that I don’t believe that good men are still out there. And I am ready to meet one, or two, or a few of them. LOL The problem is past experiences have made me a little afraid and somewhat soured me on dating in general. I have been known to say “I hate dating”!!! And I wonder why I’m not having any dates???

Obviously an attitude adjustment is in order. How about from this point on I never utter the phrase “I hate dating” again? How about instead I discover the Joy of dating??? 🙂

So what are your best tips for a Joyful dating experience?

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