Chasing Joy

Search Results for: Happiness

Any Questions: I Answer Chasing Joy’s Most Asked Question

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I’ve been blogging for 5 years now.  When I first started I was not very open about it.  I was writing solely for myself then, to save myself from feeling so unhappy.  Over the years I have been more and more open.  I think everyone that knows me now knows that I write.

As I have become more and more open about my blog I tend to get one question more than any other.  When I describe my blogs topic, having more joy and happiness in life, I am often asked where to start.  The question is phrased in different ways:

What is your advice for someone to feel happier right away?

How do you suggest someone start Chasing Joy?

What is the first thing a person should do to feel happier?

What’s the first thing you tell people who want more Joy?

The first time I got the question I though about it for a second.  Since then my answer is the same.  Count your blessings.  The reason being, that it is hard to feel both grateful and unhappy at the same time.

That is my short answer.  Now I know it is not that simple.  If it were this blog would have ended a long time ago because I ‘d have nothing else to say.  The reality is that most of us have lots to be grateful for but we also have lots to feel stressed, overwhelmed, angered, or saddened about.  It all comes down to focus.  The more you focus on the things you have to feel grateful for, the less space in your consciousness there is for the sad, stressful, and overwhelming things.  

On the surface gratitude is easy but after a while it can get more and more challenging.  If you had to write 1000 things you were grateful for the first 10 would take only seconds.

  1. Family
  2. Friends
  3. Health
  4. Home
  5. Job
  6. Hobbies
  7. Vacation
  8. Relationships
  9. Laughter
  10. Pets

See that was easy.  But as you go on and on it would get harder and harder to think up new things.  It would require more thought, more observation, and more focus to find things to be grateful for.  It is in shifting your focus to beyond the obvious things to feel grateful for that feeling grateful will begin to lessen the severity of those feelings of unhappiness.

In addition to gratitude there are many other ways to have more joy.  Trying new things. Improving your relationships. Improving your health. Accomplishing goals. Affirmations. Spiritual Practice. Boosting self-esteem.  I could go on and on but practicing gratitude is the easiest way to get started.  You can keep a physical list of gratitude in a journal.  You can create a Joy Jar.  You can express gratitude as part of your prayers or spiritual practice.  You can participate in #ThankfulThursday on your favorite Social Media Sites. Just so many ways.

There you have it.  The answer to Chasing Joy’s most asked question.

If you could do just one thing to feel happier where would you start?  Would you take up gratitude or do something different?

Happy Birthday Chasing Joy: 5 Things I’ve Learned In 5 Years Of Blogging

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Chasing Joy, It’s Your Birthday! Chasing Joy, It’s Your Birthday!

That’s right this blog has had a birthday aka a blogaversary!  On January 31st 2009, 5 years ago I hit publish on my very 1st blog post.  I really cannot believe how quickly time has passed.  I cannot believe how different I feel.  I was so unbelievable sad.  After losing my dad a few months earlier I had just broken up with the man I thought I would marry.  I was so heartbroken and depressed I had to convince myself to get out of bed each day.  Today I have sad moments of course but other than feeling sleepy from getting up early for work I awake feeling good about facing the day.  I started writing about happiness and joy in hope that I’d start to feel that way again.  It worked!

Over these last 5 years I have had some great experiences like hosting the Chasing Joy Brunch & Learn, supporting charities through the Joy of Giving, and attending Blog Conferences.  But that is not what I am writing about today.  Today, for this Birthday/Blogaversary post I want to talk about 5 things that I have learned writing Chasing Joy these last 5 years.

  1. I can stick with something.  I do not really think of myself as a quitter, however when I look back over my life there are many unfinished projects and goals not accomplished.  I have joked with friends who like to knit or crochet that I have never completed a project.  Before starting this blog I’d attempted to write about 4 different books. Sticking with this blog for 5 years gives me confidence that I can stick with things.  When something is both my priority and fulfills my purpose I won’t walk away.  This can be an aspect of my character that I can be proud of.  Now there have definitely been moments when I did not feel like staying up late writing a post or when I was not updating the blog as often as i should.  I remember in the early days of the blog, after a few weeks with no new post getting a text from my cousin that said what’s up with your blog.  That text plus learning about the importance of posting on schedule at Blogalicious got me back on track.  I don’t think there has been a week since when there was not new content on Chasing Joy every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
  2. Others can benefit from my challenges/ short comings.  Over the last few years I have written a few blog posts that revealed my vulnerable side.  These are the blog posts that I second guest before hitting publish.  Is this to much information? What will the people who know me in real life think? These posts where I admit (news flash) that I am not perfect without a doubt end up being the blog posts that hit home with someone who was feeling the same way or going through a similar experience.  Several times over the years I have received a comment, email, or even had someone tell me in person how much my post spoke to them or how it helped them feel better about their situations.  This feedback has kept me going. My blog is not huge, and the funny thing is it is just when I feel like I’m talking to myself that I get this type of feedback.  
  3. One person can make a difference.  I am a pretty generous person.  I like to give gifts.  I donate to charity through work. One thing that I have noticed when it comes to being generous or charitable is that most people are both of those things when you make it easy.  Through Chasing Joy I have had a platform that has made it pretty easy for people to give.  With some effort from me I have hosted, and participated in several charity events. Chasing joy events provided clothes to women transition from welfare to work and household items to people battling cancer.   One blogger facilitated the charity of many who’s generosity touched many more.  One person can make a difference.  
  4. When you follow your own path others may feel threatened by your independence.  Now since this blog is Chasing Joy I try to not go to negative with my posts.  However, I have joked with friends that I guess I’m a real blogger now since I have experienced cliques and haters.  I’ve never been a follower.  Internally I struggle with authority and am instantly turned off by being told I must do or have to do anything.  Well there are lots of very successful bloggers and groups in the blogaspher and any smart blogger will learn from them, benchmark and adapt certain strategies that are applicable.  Any smart blogger will also determine what will not work for them and their blog.  Well in the process of learning, adopting some strategies, and doing other things my way I got some really negative feedback on how I should be doing things a certain way, specifically their way.  I was even told  that my blog would fail. Well, here we are celebrating 5 years of Chasing Joy. I am not saying that my way is always the right way.  But I do know that following my own path leaves me fulfilled and their is no failure in that. 
  5. People love free stuff.  Now of course I knew this prior to blogging.  But blogging has definitely reinforced this fact.  I have one giveaways form other bloggers before and it is exciting.  For that reason and in honor of Chasing Joy’s 5th birthday I have some free stuff for you.  OK, not all of you.  Two of you will win a $15 Starbucks’ gift card.  But all of you can enter the giveaway.  Start out by leaving a Chasing Joy Birthday shout out in the comments below.  Then fill out the rest of the entries using the Rafflecopter form below.  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Get A Life, Let Happily Ever After Start Today!

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News Flash! This is your life and it started the day you were born. Are you living your life or do you need to Get A Life?

Get A Life!!!  This was a insult regularly thrown around in my teen years.  If someone would have said this to me back then, or even a few years ago, I would have taken offense.  It would have hurt me and felt like a low blow.  Why because I did not feel like I had “a life”.

For most of my life I have felt like I was waiting for my life to start.  I have always been a planner and had high expectations for myself and for life.  I kind of had this checklist in my head of the things that I wanted out of life. I needed to work and accomplish these things and then my life as I imagined and wanted it to be would start.

News Flash! This is your life and it started the day you were born. Are you living your life or do you need to Get A Life?

News Flash!  This is your life and it started the day you were born.  This is the internal dialog I recently had with myself.  Life does not start once you accomplish X, Y, and Z.  Life is going on all around us and it is our job to make it fulfilling and joyful every step of the way.  While figuring out what you want.  While setting goals. While accomplishing goals.  While failing and succeeding at those goals.

I really don’t know where I got this idea that I had to wait until I had achieved certain things to really enjoy myself. Perhaps it was the idea that after hardship and delayed gratification came happily ever after.  I am happy that in writing this blog over the last 5 years I have seen the error in that way of thinking.  I have a life now.  I work. I blog. I bowl. I read.  I have friends. I have family. I have faith.  I have completed some of my major life goals.  I have others to look forward to along the way.  My happily ever after has begun.  I Got A Life.

Are you living your life or do you need to Get A Life?  Are you putting happiness on hold until you accomplish X, Y, and Z?  Has your happily ever after begun?

So She’s A Bowler Now, Joy!

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There is one we can have more joy in our lives that we often forget about.  It is trying new things.  People were designed to experience life time learning and to have new experiences.  I think boredom is often confused with unhappiness.  We start to feel sad or like everything is just blah when we feel like we are stuck in a rut.  That’s why it is important to try new things.

I have tried several new things over the course of this blog. For starters just starting it, blogging, was a new thing for me a few years ago.  Since starting Chasing Joy I have tried ballet, meditation, hypnosis for weight loss, and training for and jogging a 5k.  Now I am adding another new thing to the list.  Last week I joined a bowling league.

I have bowled before but never as part of a league.  The league is one of the intramural teams from my job.  Not only is this my first time joining a bowling league it is my first time joining any type of sports team, my first time joining any kind of intramural anything, and my first time joining any kind of voluntary group at work.  I don’t particularly like joining teams.  I never liked group work in college or high school.  I do not like other people’s performance to impact me or my performance to impact others.  Furthermore I am not very competitive. I don’t like losing but I am also a bit uncomfortable winning.  I don’t like trash talk or gloating, poor winners, or poor losers.   I like to compete against myself and see improvements.

Despite all of the reasons above I joined the bowling league anyway.  Last Monday was our first night.  It was….. interesting.  I did not love it but I did not hate it.  One of my friends a while back suggested that I join a bowling league to meet more men (for dating), that will not be the case with this league.  Well the league is mostly men but they are all white and over 50.  My dating ideal is a black man in his mid 30s. There are 6 women in the league, including myself.  They are all a bit older than me (mid to late 40s).  Two of the women were black so it was nice not to be the only black person on the team.

As for the actual bowling, I SUCK.  I was not only the worse bowler on my team but the worse bowler on my league, and the worse bowler in the alley.  That is, until two little boys about 4 and 6 came in with their mom.  At one point a guy on the team we were playing against asked me “are you having fun”  I said yes and he said “well that’s all that matters“.  His words of conciliation let me know just how badly I was doing compared to everyone else.  Did I mention everyone else had their own bowling balls and shoes.  We played 3 games.  My scores were 86, 82, and 87.  I did learn one thing though.  You hit more pins when you actually look at them.  I had been looking at the ball when I rolled it instead of looking at the pins I wanted to knock down.

Considering the fact that I suck at bowling and the demographic of the group is not what I was expecting, you may be surprised to that I will be going back tonight.  That’s right I’m not quitting.  I am going to stick it out.  You see one thing I have realized about me is that I am not good at not being good at things.  When I think I am bad at something I usually don’t even try it or I’ll quit.  Especially when it comes to athletic things.  I am going to stick with bowling because 1) it would be nice to start out bad at something and actually improve and 2) I need to learn how to deal with not being good at something and still have a good experience.  I’ll keep you posted on how bowling goes over the next few weeks.  I’ll post my scores on my social media account.

How do you deal with doing things that you are not good at?  Have you ever joined an Intramural Team at your job?  What tips can you give me to help with my bowling scores?

Get Check-ups & Heath Insurance To Be Happy and Healthy in 2015.

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Happy Monday!

Today is the first #MakeitHappenMonday of 2015.  I know we are all knee deep in our resolutions and and goals for the new year.  Most of our goals in some way tie back to us being happier and healthier, they do go hand and hand.  We want to be more drink more water,  get more sleep, become more fit, lose weight, etc…Those are all great things but what I want to encourage you to add to your #MakeitHappenMonday goals this week are health goals that include making doctor’s appointments and looking into and  signing up for health insurance if you don’t already have it.

Its only Jan 5th and I’ve already crossed off one unpleasant doctor’s appointment from my list.  I went to the eye doctor on Friday, 20/20 baby!. If you follow me on Instagram you know I am relieved.  I was terrified and now I don’t have to go back for a year.  I already have an appointment scheduled to check out my lady parts later this month.  Lastly, one of my #MakeitHappenMonday goals for this week is to make an appointment for the dentist.  Luckily I can focus on my health and these appointments without much financial worry because I have health insurance.

If you don’t have health insurance, now is the time to look into getting coverage.  Now I am in no way an expert on health coverage but what I am an expert on is making lists, yall know I love making lists. So below is a list of resources (including videos) from United Health Care all about health insurance.

Our happiness and our health are deeply intertwined.  It’s hard to feel Joyful when we are not feeling healthy.  Now is the time to make our health a priority in 2015. Make those doctor’s appointments and get yourself health insurance if you don’t already have it. I hope these resourced are helpful. Visit United Health Care for even more valuable resources.

What are your goals for #MakeitHappenMonday?  Have you added making important doctor’s appointments to the list?  Do you need to get health insurance first?  Did you add get health insurance to your goals for 2015 and start researching health insurance to your #MakeitHappenMonday list for this week?  Which of the above videos did you like most or find the most helpful?

This is a sponsored Post. Zig Marketing has provided me with compensation for this post about Untied Health Care’s heath insurance information resources. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own.

Dear 2015, Welcome!

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Dear 2015,

I start this letter the same way I start every letter welcoming a new year, by saying wow I can’t believe you are here already.  2014 went by really fast.  It 2014 was not my favorite year so I am anxiously awaiting your arrival in less than 24 hours.

In my farewell letter to 2014 I explained how I might have set my hopes too high and how the year let me down.  However, the truth is I let myself down too.  I did not accomplish much in 2014. Perhaps because, similar to this year, 2014 arrived faster than I thought and I was not prepared.  I did not have any real plans for the year and no concrete goals.  There were things I said I wanted to do during 2014, things like completing my vision board and adapting some minimalist habits. Well I didn’t do any of them.  Many things in 2014 were beyond my control but perhaps if I had planned better for the things within my control, 2014 would have been better.

So 2015, I am starting this year with high expectations for you too. I am expecting improvements in my home life, social life, career, health, and family life.  The difference between your year and 2014 is this time I am going to do my part.  This year I am setting a few goals along with timelines that will keep me focused throughout the year.  I am  making a stronger commitment to pro-activity while chasing joy.

Here goes:

January – Complete Vision Board, have important conversation with my superior at work,
February – Complete a list of 52 Affirmations
March – Decrease my wardrobe by 10%
April – Come up with 6 low carb meals that I love!
May – Go to the dentist, go to the dermatologist.
June – Print out draft of Chasing Joy Book
July – Develop a daily and weekly cleaning schedule
August – Come up with 6 new fruit or veggie focused recipes that I love!
September – Update Vision Board
October – Try every activity on the 40 ways to have fun alone or with friends list.
November – De-clutter bathroom and kitchen cabinets
December – Develop daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly cleaning schedules.

In addition to the things listed above I have a few ongoing things that I will be focusing on this year.  I still need to improve in the confidence area.  I’ll get back to updating my Law of Attraction Goals and  my 35 for 35 goals monthly.  I am going to actually call friends on the phone and talk to them weekly.  2015, once upon a time we used to use phones for talking not just texting, IG, and watching Netflix. I am planning a really cool Pinterest Project that will last all year long (details on that coming soon).   Lastly I am going to really focus on decreasing my negative thinking. It’s amazing how much negative thinking we all do and it really needs to stop.

2015, I know that there will be some things that you have planned that I cannot even imagine.  I pray that they are good things that will bring me much joy.  The plans that I am laying out for the year are not serving as some sort of checklist to guarantee me a better year.  They are simply a way of keeping me engaged in my own happiness.  I cannot control you 2015 any more than I could control 2014. But I can try to be happier in all aspects of my life.

I am very happy to welcome you 2015.  I am anticipating your arrival with optimism and not fear.  I am thinking of all of the opportunities for fun times that are ahead of me.  I am thinking of a big change to my personal life that I will  hopefully be sharing on Chasing Joy in the future.  I am thinking of all of the blessings that are in store for me and everyone else in 2015.

Welcome 2015.  I am so happy to see you!

Do you already have some goals set for 2015?  What would you write in a letter to 2015.

SWOT Analysis

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I have a business degree from the Fox School of Business, Temple University.  I am super proud of this accomplishment.  Its a good thing too because I have no desire to go back to school for any other degrees.  I never want to do homework or have exams again.  The one thing I did not mind about school was the actual learning.  I love learning new things. I love seeing things like a good Venn Diagram put into practice.  I’m kinda nerdy like that.

One of the tools I learned in business school was SWOT Analysis.  SWOT analysis is used to critique companies, business strategies, etc…  SWOT stands or Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. The nerdy girl in me enjoys this tool so much that I thought why not do a SWOT analysis on myself.  After all, blogging can be an introspective activity.  Especially, for me since I blog about ways to have more happiness in my life.   So, here goes:
  • Strengths – Smart, Kind, Independent, Good Writer, Honest, Loyal, Pride, Good Cook, Generous, Attractive, Good Listener, Like Seeing Other’s Happy, Supportive, Encouraging, Like Helping Others, Non-Judgmental
  • Weaknesses – Trouble Asking For Help, Non-Confrontational, Bad Housekeeper, Procrastinator, Disorganized, Lack Confidence, Afraid To Take Risks
  • Opportunities –  Leadership, Make A Good Wife, Philanthropy, Teaching/Coaching
  • Threats – Not Pursing My Own Goals, Finding Fulfillment Through Others Accomplishments Instead Of My Own, Not Having My Own Support System, Being Too Trusting 
So here is really how it works when it comes to SWOT analysis.  The Strengths are the easiest to identify, followed by the Weaknesses.  The tricky part is the Opportunities and Threats.  What you want to do is look at your Strengths and Weaknesses and see how they can be translated into Opportunities and most importantly what kinds of Threats do they put you at risk for.  
Being  a generous, supportive person who likes to help others and has good listening skills are great strengths that make it likely that I’d be a good wife and good at leadership opportunities related to teaching and coaching others.  However the these same strengths combined with my weaknesses of being afraid to take risks and sometimes lacking confidence creates a foundation for the threat of me spending more time helping others reach their dreams than me working towards my own and then convincing myself to find fulfillment through others accomplishments instead of my own.  The big threat of that is growing resentful of the people I started out helping.
Dong a SWOT analysis helps you to figure out what areas you want to work on.  Some people believe in focusing in on the weaknesses and trying to get rid of them.  Others believe that is a waste of time and that it is better to focus on making the strengths even stronger. Kind of like aiming to get a bigger bang for your buck.  I think doing both is important.  I want to spend most of my time improving upon my strengths while keeping my weaknesses and more importantly my threats in the front of my mind.  Using my my threats and weaknesses to ask myself important questions when making decision.  For example:

Could I do a better job at this if I ask someone for help?

Am I turning down this opportunity because I really don’t want it or because I am afraid of taking the risk?  

Would I do XYZ or not do XYZ if I were feeling more confident right now?  

Am I helping this person to accomplish a task when I should really be working on my own goals?

This is my first time doing a SWOT analysis on myself.  The threat that is the most alarming and surprising is that I could find fulfillment through others accomplishments instead of my own and grow resentful.  This is a big eye opener for me.
Have you ever done a SWOT analysis on yourself?  If so were you surprised by any of your Opprtunities or Threats?  If you have never done one I recommend you give it a try. If you share your SWOT analysis on your blog leave a link in the comments

Give Joy From The Chasing Joy Shop

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We are 24 hours away from Turkey Day and I guess about 30 hours away from shopping.  Many stores will be opening up only hours after most of us are eating our holiday meal.  Now this post is not going to be about whether we should or should not be shopping on Thanksgiving Day or if Black Friday and commercialization is ruining the holiday season.  What this post is going to be about is the spirit of giving that I enjoy this time of year.

I really like giving gifts. I also like receiving them. Exchanging gifts has always been a part of my families tradition and I don’t think I turned out too bad.  LOL  There are usually some gag gifts thrown in with the real gifts for laughs.  Some gifts are expensive and some gifts are not.  But in my family all of the gifts have some though put into them. I love seeing the smile on my friend’s and families faces, or imagining the smile If I send them their gifts.

If you are like me and enjoy giving gits at the Holidays I want to invite you to come and shop at the Chasing Joy Shop.  Encourage you friends and family to make happiness a priority and start Chasing Joy by giving them something from the shop.  Here are a few of my favorite items for gift giving.

Snow Flake Ornament

Canvas Lunch Bag

Chasing Joy Round Purse Holder 

Chasing Joy PJ’s 

There are also tons of other neat Chasing Joy items available in the Shop.  So get to shopping.  You won’t have to leave your house early on Thanksgiving or Black Friday.

Like I said above, I really like giving gifts.  So much so that two Joy Chasers will receive a gift from me.  Two readers will get a Chasing Joy  Ornament.  This gift is my way of saying thank you for Chasing Joy with me.

First tell me which item you like best from the Chasing Joy Shop.  Click here >> Shop Chasing Joy Now! << to check out all of the items available.  Then complete the Rafflecopter form below.

What is your favorite item from the Chasing Joy Shop?

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Better Than Bitter

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There are any number of awful things that happen in life. Things like heartbreak, sickness, financial difficulties,  and all sorts of losses take joy from our lives.  When these things happen we are faced with a choice. 

Choice 1 experience the difficulty, allow ourselves to be sad, angry, or any other emotion,  in time focus on things that give us joy, look forward to brighter days, forgive ourselves and others allow ourselves to be happy again.  

Choice 2 experience the difficulty, allow ourselves to be sad and angry, focus on our anger, deprive ourselves of the things that bring joy out of fear that bad things will happen again, spend our time stressed over all possible negative outcomes,  punish ourselves and others repeatedly for past mistakes, and deprive ourselves of joy and happiness.

I don’t know what think, but choice 1 sounds better to me.  Choice 2 leaves you bitter.  Choice 1 leaves you better than bitter.

I had the privilege of hearing President Obama speak this weekend.   He said “Sarcasm is a choice but hope is a better choice.”  When difficult times come make the choice that is better than bitter.  Make the choice that gives you hope.  

How do you move on from difficult times without being bitter?

This post is in response to a writing prompt from Mama Kat’s Losing It.  

Goal Setting, Joyfully Smart Goals: R is for Realistic

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R is the next letter in the SMART Goals goal setting process.   I started this process a few weeks ago after learning about the Law of Attraction at the Chasing Joy Brunch & Learn I decided to put it into practice.  Part of the Law of Attraction process is goal setting. I have been using the SMART Goals goal setting process to increase the likelihood of accomplishing my goals.  Accomplishing a goal can be a great source of Joy.

I set 4 goals and made sure they are Specific, Measurable, and Actionable. Now it’s time to make sure they are realistic.  Here are the goals an action plan:

  1. Lose 80 lbs and wear a size 14 regular by eating 3 servings of vegetables and 1of fruit on work days and 2 vegetables and 1 fruit on non work days, work my way up to 1 gallon of water per day, limiting carbs, working out 3 days a week and being in bed before midnight on work nights and getting 8 hours of sleep a night on non-work nights. 
  2. Go from single to in a happy committed relationship by being active at least once a week on free dating sites, listing the qualities that are important to me in a partner, being more honest about my expectations when dating and making sure all of my friends and family know that I am open to blind dates.
  3. Have more fun.by Having at least 1 fun activity planned for the weekend by Wednesday of every week and creating a go to list of fun activities that I can do with or without friends.
  4. Writing the 1st draft of my Chasing Joy book by writing for at least 10 minuets every day.
Most of my goals are very realistic.  I am only concerned about one of them possibly being unrealistic. Can you guess which one?  Losing weight, having more fun, and writing my book are all goals that are largely if not completely up to me and within my control.  Going from single to in a relationship on the other hand is not only up to me.  With this goal another person has to be involved.  No matter how much I want to be in a relationship and feel I am ready for that type of commitment it does not mean that the object of my affection (don’t currently have one) will feel the same way. Further more it does not mean that I meet someone who will invoke those lovey dovey feelings within me.  
However,  another point of view is that I am a really awesome person with a lot of love to offer and are a lot of awesome men out there who are looking for someone like me.  There is no reason that I could not meet one of said men, have a lovely courtship, fall hopelessly in love and become lifetime joy chasing partners.  
While getting a man is not what I would consider a normal goal when it comes to goal setting, it is something that I want for myself.  When I think of all of the Joy there is to be experienced by having a loving and committed relationship I know it is just as important to my overall happiness as losing weigh, writing my book and having fun.  The realism of this goal may be questionable, but one important thing to be mindful of when using the Law of Attraction is to think BIG and not limit yourself.  So, going from single to in a relationship is staying on the list. 
I would love to hear your thoughts.  Do you think changing your relationship status should be a goal?  Is it realistic?  Have you ever had a similar goal, one that was not entirely within your control?  
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