Chasing Joy

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You Would Have More Joy If You Took Your Own Advice!

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For some reason I often find myself in situations where I am asked for advice. This even happened when I was in college.  If I was out with a group of friends and a stranger had a question, the stranger would always ask me regardless of how many other people were around.  I guess I just have one of those faces; approachable, knowledgeable and trustworthy.

I’m sure you have been in similar situations.  You ever notice how easy it is to give advice and solutions for other people’s issues.  Yet your own issues seem so difficult.  I guess it has something to do with the emotional investment.  When you are not emotionally invested, like when it is someone else’s problem, the solution is always so clear.  If it were not for those pesky emotions we could learn to take our own advice.

I admit it. I very rarely take my own advice.  I’m sure I am not the only one. Have you told a girlfriend she could do better than her current beau, yet stayed with a guy who was not treating you right? Have you given you best health and fitness tips right before you spent the evening on the couch with way more than a single serving of cookies, chips, or ice cream?  Have you explained budgeting techniques and the importance of having good personal financing and then went shopping on your credit card with money you don’t have because you were bored and the mall would be fun?   This is just a small sampling of some of the times when I did not take my own advice.

While I love you Joy Chasers, and I hope you love my blog posts, other than the few where I am sharing information about an event or a product that I think you might like, the things that I write are for me.  Meaning, I write to focus on my goals and  to ask you guys for feedback on things that can help me get closer to capturing the Joy I have been Chasing.  Through the blog I come up with solutions and advice on ways I can lose weight, make better use of my down time, and expand my comfort zone.  But just like in the examples above, I often don’t take my own advice.  SMH  (That means Shake My Head for those not versed in text talk)

I think this is a behavior I am long overdue in correcting.  It is time that I start listing to myself and taking my own advice.  Maybe I need to spend some time reading Chasing Joy and not just writing about it.

Do you have a hard time taking your own advice?  If you blog, how often do you re-read your old post, outside of editing purposes? Do you ever find yourself in situations where you the perfect example of do as I say not as I do.  

A Time To Talk to Dad

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Dear Dad,

Lately your favorite bible verse has been on my mind.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born,
And a time to die;
A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
And a time to heal;
A time to break down,
And a time to build up;
A time to weep,
And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
And a time to lose;
A time to keep,
And a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
And a time to speak;
A time to love,
And a time to hate;
A time of war,
And a time of peace.

Today I am allowing myself A time to Weep as I acknowledge how much I miss you. I cannot believe it has been 3 years (today) since your passing. I still expect to see you sitting in your chair in your apartment and to hear you whistle coming in the door.
Today is also a time to Laugh as I remember all of the jig dances you’d do and pretend you didn’t know we were watching. I laugh remembering how you’d tease mom almost every day until she’d yell at you to “shut up” then you’d laugh and say “ah you said it!” I laugh remembering how excited you were to find out you were going to be a grandfather and declaring you had to have an original name that no one had ever been called before. When you came up with “One-Pop” it sounded so bizarre but now it sounds so normal 🙂

Today I am having a time to heal as I remind myself and everyone else who has lost a love one that it is ok to be happy and have a great life. That constant sorrow and grief do not honor them. But focusing on happy memories and creating new ones is what they want for us. I know at times it seems like to be happy without them is a form or betrayal. But that is not the case. That is an example of how feelings are sometimes just feelings and do not reflect reality. Reality is that they want you to be happy and have a joy filled life.

Today I experience a time to Love. While I cannot say any good came from your death. I can say that one thing that I have learned is that Love truly can be unconditional. I still feel how much you love me as though you were still here. I feel it every day. It has not decreased in any way. I feel comforted by it always.

Today, sadly is also a time to Hate. What I hate is Cancer! I still have a hard time even saying that word. I think of it as a curse “the C word” is what I say in my mind. Since it took you from us it has also taken one of my oldest friend’s mom, another’s grandma, and one of my book club friends. It is currently attacking one of my college friend’s mom. It even came after Hurt but God blessed him with a healing and he is still with us. I hate it and pray for a cure.

Today is a time to Sow and Plant. This letter I write you is posted on my blog. This blog has helped me to not get stuck in grief and mourning. I don’t think you knew years ago that sharing the short story you wrote about the true meaning of Christmas, as learned by a family experiencing a fire during the holiday, would inspire me to become a writer. Well it did 🙂 I write about gratitude, trying new things, personal growth, health and happiness. On my blog I plant and sow seeds of Joy to be harvested by myself and any readers who can relate.

Lastly today is a time of Peace. Growing up attending Seventh Day Adventist Church and School I had the belief that when a person died their soul remained at rest until judgment day. But after your passing I keep thinking of the scripture that says something like “to be absent with the body is to be present with God”. I am greatly comforted by the idea of you as an Angel. Someone close to me dreamed of you flapping your Angel Wings. I can imagine you in heaven running track with Jessie Owens and listening to Whitney sing. For a while I really wondered where you were, meaning your spirit. But I’m not going to wonder anymore. Instead I’ll allow myself to find comfort in any thoughts of you that make me smile. I remind myself that I don’t have to know every about the afterlife. I find peace in knowing that if I have the faith of a mustard seed, God will take care of the rest, and that I will see you again.

Dad, I miss you greatly but I am well because I promised you I would be. I feel your love and know you would be proud of me.

Love Forever.

Chasing Joy does not mean pretending bad and painful things don’t happen. There is a time for every emotion even the bad ones. How do you experience but not become overwhelmed with grief after losing a loved one?

10 for 10 Challenge: Meditation, Not a Joy For Me

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10 for 10 Challenge

A little while ago I invited all of you to join me for the 10 for 10 Challenge.  This challenge was to practice meditation 10 minutes a day for 10 days.  I had wanted to try meditation for a while.  I knew that it could be a good way to manage stress.  I had also heard that prayer was when you talked to God and meditation was when you were quiet enough to here Him speak.

Did any of you take the 10 for 10 Challenge with me?  How did you do?

I wish I could say meditation was a wonderfully enlightening experience.  I wish I could say that I felt closer to God.  I wish I could say I felt more centered (I have no clue what that means but sounds like a good thing).  I wish I could say I felt less stressed.  But unfortunately I cannot say any of these things.

Here is the rundown of how the 10 for 10 challenge went for me.

Day 1 – I forgot to note where I was located during my 10 minutes of meditation.  During the meditation I kind of zoned out.  The 10 minutes felt long.  I felt kind of fuzzy minded afterwards.

Day 2 – I did my Meditation in the car.I had a hard time staying awake.  I felt like I was starting to either dream or have a memory but then I got distracted and was unable to recall it.  I tried to imagine the word Joy as I said “Joy” during the meditation.  I forgot to breath correctly wit the pause before the exhale.  One really interesting thing was that the heartburn I had been experiencing temporarily stopped during the meditation.

Day 3 – I forgot to do the meditation.  I made a note to add a day onto the end of the challenge to make up for the day I missed.

Day 4 – I felt calm during the meditation.  I forgot to note where I was located during the 10 minutes.  I started to fall asleep during the meditation.  I paid more attention to breathing properly and saying the word Joy.  I wondered if it was important to say the word out loud.  I found it difficult to say the word Joy in one exhale.

Day 5 – Again I forgot to note where I was located during the meditation practice.  I tried to focus more on the breathing and saying Joy out loud.  I had a harder time visualizing images of Joy.  I did managed to do the entire 10 minutes without checking the clock.

Day 6 – I almost forgot to do the meditation.  I did it while I was in bed before falling asleep.  I had lots of thoughts competing with me focusing on images of Joy.  I found saying Joy out loud helped me keep from falling asleep.

Day 7 – I did the meditation the first thing in the morning while still in bed.  I wanted to get it out of the way.  After the meditation I felt a little disappointed.  I was thinking that I was not sure if meditation was for me as I was trying to “get it out of the way” as opposed to looking forward to it.

Day 8 – I was actually kind of dreading the meditation.  I felt stressed about having to sit and focus.  I felt disappointed that I was not getting any positive feelings from meditating.  I realized that the entire point of my trying meditation was to reduce stress and thereby increase my aptitude for experiencing Joy.  If the act of meditation was making me more stressed than it defeated the purpose of the challenge.  I opted to not  Meditate that day and ended the Challenge.

I do not think meditation is for me. I am glad I tried it though, as a major part of my journey Chasing Joy is trying new things.  I have not written it off entirely though.  I think I may have a better experience with some sort of guided meditation (does that exist).  I notice during my 1st hypnosis session (which I’ll be telling you about soon) that It was easier for me to relax and quiet my mind while listening to someone else talk.

Do you meditate?  Did you or will you give the 10 for 10 challenge a try?  What was your experience, are you a meditation convert or did you have an experience similar to mine?

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