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Blogaversary: 4 Joyful Years of #ChasingJoy

January 29, 2014 |

It’s My Birthday! It’s My Birthday! It’s My Birthday!

Ok, it’s not my actual birthday. But it is Chasing Joy’s Birthday or Blogaversary on Jan 31. However we are celebrating today with a twitter party birthday party. Join in tonight at 8pm EST. The hashtag is #ChasingJoy. Like any good birthday party there will be gifts. I will be giving away several $10 Maggiano’s gift cards. Join in to win and don’t forget to follow me @Chasing_Joy on twitter to be eligible to win.

It’s My Birthday! It’s My Birthday! It’s My Birthday!Ok, it’s not my actual birthday. But it is Chasing Joy’s Birthday or Blogaversary!!!

In honor of Chasing Joy’s Blogaversary and turning 4 and because it is Wordful/ Wordless Wednesday here are a few images of my most joyful and memorable moments Chasing Joy over the last 4 years.

This was the first time I represented Chasing Joy in person. The event was a local blogger meet-up called Blog About It.

I even had to do a little public speaking to introduce myself!

I finished a 5K. I jogged most of it too!!!

I got to be silly with @TheYoungMommy at my first Blogalicious Conference!

I hosted my 1st #JoyofGiving Charity Event collecting over 100 articles of clothing, shoes, and accessories for women transitioning from welfare to work.

I have been able to write several tributes to my dad.

The Chasing Joy Brunch & Learn #CJBL made the front page of the Scoop Local Paper!!!

Yay! I did my Budior Photos.

I’ve even been a little crafty. Check out these Love themed Printable Bookmarks. Get yours in time for Valentine’s Day

Blogging these past 4 years has been a very Joyful experience. But sharing my thoughts and experiences with you Joy Chasers has made it much more special.

I hope you join me for the party!!!!!

10 Things I Loved About The DC #CJBL

January 13, 2014 |

Whoo Hoo!!! The #CJBL in DC was a success!!!

I hope Curvy CEO, Jese, and Erika are as pleased
as I am with how it went.

Here are 10 things I loved about hosting the DC #CJBL!!!

1.
Co-Hosting!
This was my first event having a co-host. Ms. Curvy- CEO reached out and invited me to do
a #CJBL Brunch in her town, DC.
Partnering with her was a pleasure.
It was comforting to have someone to share the work with and to have someone
be equally vested in the outcome. It was
equally fun to have someone to be as excited about the outcome as I am.

2.
Jese!
This was my 2nd time hearing Jese speak. I find her to be a very inspiring woman. I enjoyed hearing about her experience in
starting LuxeGiving. I liked the points
she made about how self assessment and knowing how you are perceived are
important. She also illustrated really
well how we should pick our battles and know if something is worth fighting or
losing money for in business.

3.
Erika! This
was the 2nd time Erika presented at a Chasing Joy Brunch &
Learn. I enjoyed the twists she made on
her presentation this time. I liked the
conversation on ways to boost confidence every day. There was great input from the attendees on
things like affirmations, prayer, and taking selfies to boost confidence.

4.
The attendees!!!
The women who came to the #CJBL brunch were just fabulous. Everyone was beautiful, friendly, and
welcoming. Everyone came with a mindset
to have a great time. There was so much
laughter and more hugs than I could count.

5.
Sponsors!
Every time I have an event I am blown away by the businesses’ willingness to
support positive events. The #CJBL
simply could not go on without the sponsors.

6.
Support!
I love the supportive environment at Chasing Joy events. I loved how when questions were asked by attendees
there was open discussion and the advice was free flowing from all, not just
the speakers.

7. My mom!!!
I feel so blessed that my mom has been able to witness all of the good
things that have happened in my life since I started blogging. It is nice that she gets to see me running
things!! My dad was able to see some of
my successes in purchasing a home and getting certain jobs. However, he never got to see me explore my
creative or entrepreneurial sides. I am so
blessed to share this experience with my mom.

8.
DC!!! Now
I did not get to spend extra time in DC this time. But I did really enjoy seeing parts of town
that I’d never experienced before. I got
to see some of the residential areas which was nice.

9.
The community!
Chasing Joy events provide great opportunities for networking and
finding new like minded friends. To keep
the connections going there is Facebook Group for people who have attended
Chasing Joy Events. If you have, and
want to stay connected with other attendees click here.

10. The hashtag!
Now that the event is over I have enjoyed searching the #CJBL hashtag on
Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to see all of the photos and what everyone was
saying online during and after the event. Speaking of the Hashtag, we have a winner!!!! There was a special Giveaway that would be
chosen at random from the people who tweeted or posted to Facebook or Instagram
using the hashtag.

The winner is (drum
roll!!!!!) Crystal Long!!!

Did you attend the #CJBL in DC? What were some of the things you loved about
it? Have you attended any other events
hosted by bloggers lately? What did you
love about that event?

The Joy Of Giving To The Inter-Faith Housing Alliance

December 9, 2013 |

As my dad would say, today is Christmas Eve’s, Eve’s, Eve’s, Eve’s Eve’s…. you get the idea. Thanksgiving is behind us as well as Hanukkah, and we are deep into the holiday season. Along with being a season of celebrating our faiths, connecting with family and spreading good cheer, it is also a season of Giving. Many of you helped kick off the season of giving by donating items at the Joy of Giving Charity Event last month. I’m asking you to either join in or keep it up by donating an item from the Inter-Faith Housing Alliance’s Registry on Amazon.com

From their website, “Inter-Faith Housing Alliance is a non-profit organization providing housing and supportive services for homeless families throughout the greater Montgomery County, Pennsylvania region since 1982.” The Shades of Social Media (a blogging community of women of color who support and encourage each other as we make a place for ourselves, and our stories, online) is coordinating a virtual holiday toy drive for the Inter-Faith Housing Alliance’s emergency shelter. There are currently 8 Families in need of gifts for the holidays with children ranging from 2 months through teen years:

Mom and 3 girls
Mom and 1 boy and infant girl
Dad and 1 boy and 1 girl
Mom and 4 teenagers, 2 girls and 2 boys
Mom and 1 girl and 1 boy
Mom and 1 boy
Mom and 2 boys and 1 girl
Mom and 2 boys

There are many things that we do to give ourselves little bits of happiness this time of year. We visit family, attend special holiday worship services, cook our families traditional favorite meals, watch family oriented programing, and decorate our homes with lights, stockings, and all varieties of festive odds and ends. While the holiday season is about more than gift giving it is probably the most common and often the most fun part of these holiday celebratory activities. I hope, like me, you know the joy of giving someone something special at the holidays. The look on their face as they open the gift bag or remove the holiday wrappings with anticipation. The smile as they take in the gift you gave them and the realization that you felt they were important enough to be thinking about at holiday time. There are families who will not be able to take part in that aspect of the holidays.
As a member of the Shades of Social Media I am so happy to participate in this holiday drive for families in need. It fills me with great joy that the Shades of Social Media is stepping in to fill the gap for some of these families. There will be 7 moms and 1 dad who will be able to witness the joy on their children’s faces as they open gifts. These families will know that despite whatever circumstances that lead them to the Inter-Faith Housing Alliance they are important and worthy of being thought about at the holidays.

The Shades of Social Media and the Inter-Faith Alliance has made it super easy for you to get involved and help make this as happy a holiday season as possible for these families. All you have to do is visit the Amazon Gift Registry and select an item and make your purchase online. The items can be shipped directly to The Alliance. You don’t have to pick up anything, ship anything, or wrap anything. You can even add a special note wishing them happy holidays if you want. There are plenty of items left on the list. The families are not asking for much just some baby products and toys for the little ones and a few household items to help the moms and dads when they get back on their feet. Prices of the items on the registry range from as low as $7 up to $60. Yesterday I purchased five items from the registry and had them shipped directly to the alliance for a total of less than $50. Totally worth the money to help these families have a good Christmas and happy holiday season.

I hope you consider helping out the families residing at the Inter-Faith Alliance. Did you purchase something off of the Alliance’s Registry? Do you find yourself in more of a giving spirit during the Holiday Season? What Charities do you donate to regularly during the Holidays or throughout the year?

PS. If you write a blog post or tweet, Instagram or Facebook about the Inter-Faith Housing Alliance Gift Registry please use the hashtag #ShadesCares

Not So Obvious Things To Be Thankful For at Thanksgiving

November 27, 2013 |

As you prepare for Thanksgiving tomorrow and maybe some
Black Friday shopping take a few minutes to really reflect on what you are thankful
for. I am thankful for so many
things. Most importantly I am thankful
for my mom, my other family members, my job, my pets, my friends, my blog and
all of you readers. There are a few
other things that I am thankful for that I take for granted or just don’t think
about very often. Here goes:

Hope – The idea that tomorrow can be better than today and
that our current circumstances can improve can bring us through some really
tough times.

Absence of Pain – My Dad used to remind me to enjoy the
absence of pain whenever I complained of being bored.

Prayer – It is comforting to know that I have a place to
take my problems, talk out my decisions and request blessings for others.

Pets – Our furry friends provide us with genuine
unconditional love. We can learn how to
enjoy the simple things in life from them

Yesterday – It is over.
We can start fresh every day. The
past is behind us and we can make a fresh start.

Time – I’ve heard this is our most valuable resource. Every day of life is a gift of more time to,
enjoy ourselves, fix or respond to our mistakes, and make memories for
ourselves and others.

Home – To have a place to return to daily, where you can be
at peace and be yourself is a true blessing.

Advice – Regardless of if it is advice worth following or
does not apply it is awesome to have people in your life who want to share
their knowledge and experiences to help you succeed

New – It can be a new car, new home, new job, new relationship,
etc.. New things can be super exciting and is often cause for celebration.

Knowledge – I love learning new things. We are never too old to stop absorbing
knowledge

Salvation – It is a great comfort to know that there is
something more than this current lifetime

Gifts – Both giving and receiving are awesome to me. Homemade or store bought make no difference. To think about or have someone think about
you and give me something is a beautiful thing.

Imagination – It helps us come up with business ideas, blog
posts, books, music, art, and basically everything!!!

Variety – How boring would it be if we all looked alike, at
the same foods, and had the same reactions.

Instruments – It really is cool that we can bang on things,
blow through things, and pluck things and produce beautiful melodies

Nature – With so many of us living in urban areas having
parks and beaches available to give us a touch of nature is really nice

Good Food – For many of us it would not be Thanksgiving
without it.

What things are you thankful for that you don’t normally
think about?

Have a great Turkey Day!!!

Why It Is Ok To Work On Thanksgiving!!!

November 25, 2013 |

Thanksgiving is only a few days away. It is safe to say the holiday season has officially begun. The stores are filled with Christmas decorations. The reruns of Golden Girls and Frasier that I usually fall asleep watching have been replaced with non-stop Hallmark Christmas movies (I can’t say that I’m happy about that) . The season of holiday cheer is here.

Unfortunately for many people this is not a joyful season at all. Honestly these last few Christmases since my dad passed away I have struggled. For many of us this is a sentimental time of year full of memories. Memories of good times that may make the present day feel lacking and memories of not so good times that may create a sense of dread about the holidays to come. In general the holidays are times when reflection is common and all that reflection can bring about feelings that are not always pleasant.

With that being said and Thanksgiving being merely days away I’m going to give you a suggestion to help you through Turkey Day. Obviously you should count your blessings and what you are thankful for but in addition to that I have another idea. I do believe there is a certain amount of Joy that comes from being honest with ourselves. So if you are not looking forward to Turkey Day I say admit it to yourself and do something really off the wall. Go To Work!!!

I know, I know, crazy idea, right? This suggestion is not for everyone. I got the idea from a friend of mine who happens to love Thanksgiving. We were talking about how some people have a hard time during the holidays. Especially if they are far away from family, don’t have any family, don’t get along with their family or for some other reason have negative emotions tied to the holiday. My friend’s response, “I’d just go to work”. It was such a simple solution to a rather complex issue. Men are good at that sometimes, coming up with quick and easy solutions.

If Thanksgiving is not your thing, here are a few reasons you may want to work on Turkey day:

Money, Money, Money, Money!!! If you have a position where you get time and a half or even double time the bump in your pay check for working the holiday can be substantial. This can come in handy especially if you have lots of gift giving or other holiday related expenses to cover in the next few weeks. Money can’t buy happiness but it is still nice 🙂

Give other’s Joy! There are many people who have to go to work on Thanksgiving. Positions associated with Hospitals, Law Enforcement, Transportation, Retail, Food Services, and others all require people to come to work. If you happen to work in one of those fields and Thanksgiving is not your thing or you just aren’t looking forward to it because you cannot celebrate the way you want, why not volunteer to work for one of your co-workers who is really excited about Turkey Day. Covering for someone for a half day so they can come in later or leave early is also a really nice gesture. This may not change how you feel about the holiday but you will feel really good about being a blessing to someone else. It may also strengthen your relationship with your co-workers.

Stay occupied! Often if we are down, whether over the holidays or something else, it gets really easy to just dwell on all of the things that are bothering us. Rather than sit around and think about all the reasons you are not enjoying Thanksgiving (missing loved ones, lack of finances to travel, unhappy with family life, or other issues) go to work and take your mind off of things. The saying the idle mind is a devils workshop is true because it is in those times when we are unoccupied that we begin to feel worse and worse. Going to work can keep your mind busy.

If for some reason you are feeling really crappy about Thanksgiving I have given you three good reasons to go to work to feel better. If your normal 9 to 5 does not give you the opportunity to work the holiday busy yourself volunteering, working on your blog, hobby, or your own business. Another option can be to put yourself to work in the kitchen cooking for others, that’s what I’ll be doing.

The most obvious advice for someone not thrilled about how they are spending the Thanksgiving Holiday is to think about what they are thankful for and count their blessings. Aside from that what advice would you give? Do you think going to work is a good option? Have you ever voluntarily worked on a Holiday? Why?

P.S. If your online tonight join in for the #CJBL twitter chat at 9pm EST. This will be a sneak peak at what the Chasing Joy Brunch and Learn will be like. We will be talking about how to have more Joy in our lives, setting goals for 2014, what our style says about us, and if our style is getting us where we want or standing in our way. Do join in. It will be fun!!! Hashtag is #CJBL and follow me @Chasing_Joy.

The Joy of Giving Hope (2nd Annual Joy of Giving Charity Event)

September 30, 2013 |

Happy Monday! Monday is the beginning of the work week for most of us. It is a great day for setting goals and action items for the week.

Today I am reflecting on and working on my goal of offering quality events that allow us to take our Chasing Joy conversation offline and connecting in person, IRL, in real life. I set this goal for myself about a year and a half ago. Since that time I have been able to host 3 events. The first one was a charity event which allowed us to experience the Joy of Giving by collecting clothing and accessories for women transitioning from welfare to work. This event led me to set a goal of doing at least one charity event a year. I’m so happy that I will be accomplishing this goal in just a few weeks.

On Saturday November 16th I will be hosting another Joy of Giving event at BellaNor Boutique. This year the recipient charity is the AstraZeneca Hope Lodge of the American Cancer Society—Philadelphia. The Hope Lodge provides free housing for Cancer Patients receiving treatment in the Philadelphia Area. Explained on their site: “For many, treatment at Philadelphia’s medical centers provides the greatest hope, but requires that they be far from home, adding the additional burden of travel and lodging expenses. That is why the AstraZeneca Hope Lodge of the American Cancer Society offers lodging at no cost for cancer patients being treated in the Philadelphia area.“

I chose this charity because Cancer has impacted my life and the lives of many of my friends. I lost my dad only 2 months after his diagnosis. Over the last year other family members and family members of my friends have gone through Cancer treatment. Some of my friends have even lost loved ones to the disease. I don’t know of a single person who has not been impacted by Cancer. I could not think of a better cause.

I realize that through this blog I have a voice and can reach and connect with people of a similar mindset. To use my voice to help others is an honor. There is much Joy to be received by giving to others. I am inviting all of you to participate in the Joy of Giving. If you live in the Philadelphia area, join me at BellaNor Boutique (7117 Germantown Ave Philadelphia, PA 19119) on Saturday November 16th from 6 to 9 pm. We will be networking, playing games, shopping, winning prizes, and enjoying light refreshments all for the benefit of the ACS Hope Lodge. Cost of admission is your donation.

We will be collecting items from the Hope Lodge’s wish list. From the Hope Lodge’s website: “By donating items on our wish list, you will help to provide a true “home away from home” for our future guests“

Most frequently needed:
Bleach, any brand
Lysol spray or similar
Glass cleaner
Paper towels
Laundry dryer sheets
Dishwasher detergent
Tissues (regular and purse size)
Trash bags (all sizes)
Purell or any waterless hand sanitizer
High efficiency laundry detergent

Specific needs:
White bath, hand, & wash towels
Full sized sheet sets – white, deep pocket
Energy saver light bulbs – any wattage
Toothpaste & deodorant – small tubes only
Medium sized storage bins
Bathroom sized wastebaskets
New or gently used board games
Digital oral thermometers
Bed pillows (New)
Individually wrapped snacks, instant soups
Individually wrapped hard candy – Mint/Lemon
Color printer/ink

On-going Needs:
Paper towels
Toilet paper
Paper napkins
Dish soap
Zip-lock baggies
Paper plates and cups
Toilet bowl cleaner
Batteries, all sizes
Kitchen cleanser
Cling wrap & foil

Gifts for Guests:
Gas/Grocery Gift Cards
Restaurant Gift Cards

No Donation! No Entry! Any item or items from the above list will be accepted at the event as your event fee.

If you do not live in the Philadelphia Area you are invited to participate as well you can make an online donation in the amount of your choosing here>> https://donate.cancer.org/index?campaign=hl08philpa.

I am really excited to be accomplishing this goal of having a yearly charity event through Chasing Joy. I hope you will make it your goal this week to register to attend the event via Facebook or Eventbrite or to make your donation online if you are not in the Philadelphia area.

P.S. Please email me at joychasing@yahoo.com if you would like to be involved by donating a product or service to raffeled of as a giveaway during the event.

What are your goals for this week? Are any of your goals related to charity or giving back?

My Life In Numbers

September 11, 2013 |

I enjoy getting to know my blogger friends. I hope you will enjoy learning a little bit about me. Here is my life in numbers.

1 is the number of pups that bring me Joy. If you keep up with me on Facebook you know his name is Hurty!!

2 is the number of crazy cats that keep me entertained. Peanut and Pinto are there names.

3 is the number of brothers I have. All older.

4 is the number of years I have been at my current position, aka the day job.

5 is the number of times I have been outside of the country. I’ve visited Bermuda, Canada, Jamaica, and the Bahamas twice.

6 is the number of nieces and nephews I have.

7 is the number of hours of sleep I should get every night. Sadly I get as little as 5 sometimes. I know I must do better.

8 is the number of years I have been a homeowner.

9 is for 9th grade. The year I transitioned back to public school from a Christian school.

10 is for 10 pound weights. These are the heaviest weights that I have at home for at home workouts.

11 is the number of years it has been since I graduated college. Time flies.

12 is for October 12 when I will be attending the Curvy Closets fashion show. Philly fashion events are cool.

13 is for Friday the 13, the day when I’ll be making an announcement on the blog.

14 is a good approximate age for my dog. He is a senior 🙂

15 is the age I was when I had my 1st boyfriend.

16 is the age I was when I applied for my first job. I did not get it.

17 is for my birthday!!!

18 is the age I was when I was the first black person to ever be awarded a scholarship from my dad’s Local Teamsters Union.

19 was how old I was when I started working retail at Strawbridges

20 was my age when I 1st fell in love.

21 was the year my dad threw me a birthday party at a bar.

22 is the age I was when I graduated from Temple University. #IBleedCherryAndWhite #TempleMade

23 is the number of days until Blogalicious!!! My favorite Blog Conference.

24 is for that TV show that everyone loved. The one where the entire season was supposed to be on day or something. Yeah, I never saw a single episode.

25 is the age I was when My parents got married. I was the maid of honor, best woman, photographer, florist, and the witness. It was pretty cool 🙂

26 is for 26 years ago when I got a banana seat bike that was pink and white with flowers on the seat and a basket.

27 is for 2700. That is the room number of one of the offices I worked in where I had the most fun, learned the most, and made many friends.

28 is the age I was when I met the man I thought I would marry. I thought wrong. LOL

29 is the year I lost my dad and first felt like an adult. 29 is also the age I was when I started Chasing Joy 🙂

30 is the age I was when I visited Bermuda. I found the views beautiful but I was a little disappointed with the sand. It was not a pink as I expected. I guess I was expecting it to be magenta or something.

31 is for 3.1 miles. That’s how far a 5k run is. I have completed one (had to walk some of it) and am contemplating another.

32 is for 32 weeks early. That’s right, I was a preemie. I had things to do so I needed to get here early 🙂

33 is my current age and the year I wrote about my life in numbers.

What numbers have had significance in your life? If you do a life in numbers post be sure to post a link in the comments so I can check it out.

Give a Hug, Give Joy!!!

August 28, 2013 |

There are these things called writing prompts. If you are new to blogging you may not have heard of them before. Writing prompts are topic suggestions for blog posts. I used to do the a lot but not so much anymore. However, when I saw this week’s writing prompt from MamaKat’s Losing It, it was a no brainer.

This week’s prompt is Somebody you’d like to hug.

These are the hands held me, disciplined me, clapped for me,
cooked for me and prayed for me.
These are my Dad’s Hands.

Me and Dad on my High School Graduation Day.

Dad doing what he did best, loving on his grandkids!

3 Generations of Hartie men.
My dad at my brother’s grad school graduation.

My Dad celebrating my niece’s 6th birthday!

Me my mom and dad at my college graduation.
My dad was also #TempleMade, Temple University Alumni!

The person I’d most like to hug is my dad! He passed away 4 years ago yesterday. Luckily he gave me more hugs and kisses than I could count but one more would sure be nice.

Who would you most like to hug????

More Joy & Less Loneliness When You Are The Last Single Girl Standing

July 22, 2013 |

A few years ago I was all dressed up to hit the club. I was talking to my dad while waiting for one of my girlfriends to arrive. My dad said something like I hope one of yall does not get married before the other, because yall always go out together. The other one won’t have anyone to go out with.

Fast forward 5 years or so and my dad was basically right. My friend did not get married but she has been in a relationship for a few years now and has no interest in the club scene, happy hours, or basically anything else that the single crowd does.

It’s funny how life happens. One minute you are 25 with lots of single friends to spend time with. Then fast forward a few minutes (Ok years) and you are 33 and the last single girl standing. This is the situation I find myself in. My main go to friends for hanging out have had kids and gotten into serious relationships if not marriages. More often than not I find myself the only non-parent at kiddie parties, the only single at dinner for girls night out, the only one of my co-workers with no spouse or kids at the bring your family work event, or filling out “advice for the bride” at a bridal shower knowing that all of the other advice is coming from women who are married.

No very rarely do I get the “Oh!” commend by the sad face a la Bridget Jones Diary when I respond no to the questions of do you have kids or are you married. I also am blessed to not have one of those families that constantly makes comments or applies pressure on me to get married and have kids One of my biggest issues with being the last single girl standing is that me and my friends are no longer at the same stage in life. They have responsibilities, priorities, and time restraints that are different than mine. This means a lot of the time they are not available to spend time together like before. This means a lot of the time I feel lonely 🙁

Loneliness is a huge Joy Thief. So I have to do something about it, right?. Here are a few things that I have done, or need to do to have more Joy and less loneliness while being the last single girl standing:

Be realistic. You are not really the last single girl standing. In most cases we all know several other girls who are single. No, they may not be girls that you have hung out with often in the past, or at all. They may even be friends of friends that you don’t know very well. The point is you are not alone. There are other single girls that are likely feeling similarly.
Reach out. Once you take a good look at all of the people you know and identify some other single girls, reach out to them. Invite them out for a happy hour or some other function. Keep it short the first time you hang out if you don’t know them well. If you don’t click at least it was only an hour or two of awkwardness. If you do click you have a new single friend to hang with in the future.
Be a girl scout. If you were ever a girl scout you might remember the song Make new friends but keep the old…. Make some new friends.

Go to conferences and networking events related to your hobbies and/or passions. When you exchange business cards there follow up. You will likely make some new professional connections. But be open minded, some of those connections can also develop into friendships. I have made a couple of new friends that way.
Visit www.meetup.com. This site lists groups of people who want to meet up in real life for social events. I have only done this one time. I was very nervous but I did talk to a few different people. One of which I have since hung out with a couple of times. *There is a Chasing Joy Meetup Group where Chasing Joy events are listed. I need to get my courage up to go to more meetup.com events and not just the Chasing Joy ones.
Take up a sport. Now I am not the athletic type so I have not done this. However, a few people I know have made new friends by joining bowling and running clubs. In the past I have made new friends by attending regular Zumba classes. I need to look more into sports and group fitness activities.

Continue to reach out to your friends who are married or parents. They will have times when they are available to get together. They probably look forward to getting out now and again with their single friends.

Do you feel like you are the last single girl standing in your social group? How do you find ways to feel less lonely and make new friends in your 30s?

So, I Had This Meltdown, Not Very Joyful

June 26, 2013 |

A couple of weeks ago a had a little melt down. It was not triggered by anything in particular I think being bored and lonely got the best of me. It was actually a mood swing that occurred over about a 36 to 48 hour period. It started with me feeling really upbeat. I specifically remember thinking Boy my life really is pretty good. However less than two days later I found myself thinking, I hate my life, no wonder I am alone. If I don’t even like my life why would anyone want to be with me. Yeah, I know. Crazy Right?

Well one good thing about seeing a therapist is that I am a little more in tune with myself. So this meltdown did not last too long. I caught myself and said wait two days ago you had a great life now it is horrible?? That’s not even possible Arlett. Get it together. So I did. Mood swing over. Back to being my normal Joy Chasing self, appreciating all that is great about my life and working to improve the not so great things.

One interesting thing that happened during my little melt down was that I took my moodiness to Google. I Googled about being unhappy with my life and came across a site (that I can’t find now) that suggested a writing task to help you figure out what you really want to do with your life so that you can make changes.

A few weeks later I decide to do the exercise. You are to set a timer for 20 minutes then write (or in my case type) out any and everything you want to do without really thinking about how logical or possible it is. I set the timer and wrote my list. Because I like to have a visual, when I was done I put my list into Tagxedo and had it generate the word collage you see at the top of the post. I was super excited when I was able to select the Joy image to display the collage. The bigger words are supposed to be the ones that were used more often, though I don’t know how accurate that is.

Based on the way the words were created in the image what I want out of life is to Make Money Blogging so that I can Lose Weight, Buy things and Fancy Hair to Party. LOL That does not sound too bad 🙂

Here is what I actually wrote:
Go to a Hookah Bar
Get Married
Have kids
Be a mom
Have a wedding
Host a dinner party
Stay overnight at a hotel in center city just because
Lose weight
Gamble
Join a church
Write a book
Lose weight
Buy a luxury car
Cut my hair
Move
Have my own pool
Work part time
Dye my hair
Go skinny dipping
Get baptized
Go to the zoo
Go to the circus
Go to the aquarium
Have a fancy kitchen
Buy a car
Make money blogging
Have sold out blog events
Hire a maid
Put a tombstone at my dad’s grave
Open a scholarship in my dad’s name
Make a difference
Help others
Have someone throw me a surprise party
Go to the ballet
Go to the symphony
Go to the opera
Buy myself fancy jewelry
Become more confident
Have a lawn
Volunteer
Donate money to causes
Find a tailor
Live in a big house
Have a guest room
Have an office
Take boudoir photos
Have shoes made
Find Mr. Right
Visit the liberty bell
Dine in fancy restaurants regularly
Build a house

There were no surprises on my list. Several things had to do with my desires to have a family and improve my standard of living. There were also several activities listed to fill my idle time. I also had a few things on the list related to improving my spiritual and emotional life. The biggest surprise in doing the exercise is that I actually drew a blank. I stopped writing several times during the 20 minutes when I could not think of what to write next. I don’t think I did very well with the free association aspect of the exercise.

I think I will do it again in a few weeks. For now what I have listed definitely gives me some things to do or work on to keep myself occupied. A busy mind does not have time for meltdowns.

Have you ever caught yourself in mid meltdown and snapped yourself out of it? Have you or would you do this or a similar 20 minute exercise to get in touch with what you really want in life? What is or would be on your list?

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