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Epic Tales: Water into Wine! We All Need A Push Sometimes

September 14, 2016 |

On Monday I shared that had been to church a couple of times in the last few weeks. At both services I came away with a message that resonated with me. I already told you guys about the message from my brother’s ordination on Finding Joy in Your Calling. Now, let me tell you about the other message that stuck with me from the week before. This message was about how we all need a push sometimes.

So the week before my brother’s ordination I went to my regular church for service on Sunday. I attend Epic Church in Philadelphia. When I am inspired to blog about the things that I learn there I called them Epic Tales. This Epic Tale, about how we all need a push sometimes, came from a story in the Bible that most of us have heard of. The pastor preached from John Chapter 2 which is the story of when Jesus turned water into wine. Most of us have heard the story before but this time something stood out to me.

The pastor was focused on how the servants at the wedding party got to be part of the miracle but the guests at the party maybe weren’t even aware of the miracle. But that is not at all what stood out to me about the story. What stood out to me to me was the begining part in the chapter where Mary, the mother of Jesus, finds out that they ran out of wine. She tells Jesus and He basically said something like why are you telling me, my time has not yet come, meaning this wasn’t the time for him to start doing miracles. Mary like many mothers had a different plan for her son. That night she basically told the servants the Jesus was going to take care of it and he did. Jesus turned water into wine. That was his first miracle.

I never heard that part or read that part of the scripture before and it kind of blew my mind. I was like dang, Jesus needed a little push to get his first miracle done. He needed his mom to tell him oh no you going to do this, now is your time, and we’ve been learning about that story for centuries now.

This part of the scripture stood out to me because we all have things that we want to do in our lives. We have goals. We have creative endeavors. We have ideas and all kind of things that we hope to accomplish that for one reason or another we have not even started working on. We may be saying as soon as I make a certain amount of money I can focus on this project, or as soon as my kids are in school I can start this project, or maybe as soon as my kids graduate high school I can start this project. We have a variety of reasons for not getting started with the things that we want to do, the things that were called to do. Maybe what we really need is a little push. I mean if Jesus needed a push then we all need a push sometimes.

So what are you putting off? What goal, desire, or project have you not even started because it’s not the right time or circumstances aren’t perfect? Let this blog post be your push. Take one small step towards that thing, whatever it is. Maybe start with just writing down your goal and devoting 15 or 20 minutes sometime this week to working on it. Don’t waste time feeling bad or guilty about having not started just remember that we all need a push sometimes. Here is your push. Now go turn some water into wine. Now is your time.

#EpicTales: Release Anger to Chase Joy

June 29, 2016 |

I told yall about how I didn’t go to church last week. Well this week I went and It was a good message. It was about anger and forgiveness. As I listened and took notes I knew this would be an #EpicTale on the blog because I know we need to release anger to Chase Joy. We are currently doing a series called the Struggle where we focus on guarding our hearts against things we all struggle with. So far we have covered jealousy and now anger.

One of the things I like about my church is that in addition to the scriptures and spiritual stuff they also give you practical advice on how to do things. Just like I did when the message was about how to make good decisions, I wrote down all of the practical steps to release anger. I wrote them down because I don’t ever want to be an angry person. I notice that since my mom died my fuse is a lot shorter. I guess grief can make a person more sensitive in general. I need to guard my heart and release anger before it grows into resentment. I need to release anger to have better relationships. I need to release anger to Chase Joy.

Before I share the four steps here are a few things you should know. This is not some kind of magic. You will not automatically feel different or less angry when you do these steps. The steps are to help you make a real decision to let go of anger and to forgive. Don’t let your feelings be the litmus test of if you have successfully forgiven or not. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is an act of will. It is a decision to not dwell, seek revenge, or hold on to the negative feelings. The change in your emotions and actually feeling less angry should come overtime and with the help of prayer.

OK, so here are the four steps to release anger to Chase Joy:

1. Identify whom you are angry with. Make a list. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself adding your own name to your list. Most of us need to forgive ourselves for some stuff too.
2. Write down what you think the person owes you. What would they have to give or return to you to make it all right.
3. Cancel the debt. This is a decision you make in your heart. You don’t have to tell the person this is between you and God. Burn or bury the list.
4. Dismiss the case. Don’t bring it up again, not with the person or anyone else. Recommit to dismissing the case every time every time any negative thoughts return and pray.

If you follow me on Instagram and Facebook than you saw that I burned my list yesterday. The most interesting thing that I discovered in writing out my list is that the what I felt I was owed came down to seven different things. Yes I had more than seven people on my list, don’t judge me 🙂 The seven things were when I was made to lose trust, causing a relationship to be strained, making me stressed, not providing support, making me feel unsafe, causing me to lose confidence, and causing me to not feel valued. While the specific actions that made me angry were varied what I felt was loss or damaged fell into one of those categories.

So, what do you think? Does this all seem crazy and unnecessary or will you give it a try? Are you holding on to anger that you need to let go up in smoke? Do you need to release anger to Chase Joy? Don’t let anger be a joy thief.

Epic Tales: Faith, To Remedy Control Issues and Chase Joy

October 26, 2015 |

This month marks one year that I have been a regular church goer. This is a big thing for me. While I have always considered myself a Christian and a spiritual person church is not something that comes easy to me. Sadly I still feel a certain level of anxiety before I go, but I like Epic Church enough to keep going back. This is a great thing for me because having faith is a huge facilitator to Chasing Joy. Believing in something bigger than yourself (for me that is God) allows us to believe that things can change and get better. Faith allows us to have hope. Faith based practices like attending church, reading scripture or devotionals, and prayer reinforce our faith and therefore our hope. Attending Church also helps with that building the community you need thing that I was talking about a couple weeks ago.

Anyway, I am happy to have been attending Epic for a year now. Over the last year I have shared a few things that I learned or was inspired by at Church. I call them Epic Tales. This week’s Epic Tale gave me a new reason why having some sort of Faith is a great asset when Chasing Joy. Prior to the sermon they showed a video of someone giving a personal testimony about how much better she feels and happier she is an why she was ready for baptism. One thing she said really stood out and hit home with me. She said she no longer felt like she had to micro-manage her life.

This was the message meant for me yesterday. I like to be and feel in control. Not really of other people but in control of myself and my surroundings. This is why I never really drank until I was out of college, why I over analyze things, and hate roller skating and skiing. I like to feel in control of my actions, body, and circumstances at all times. This has been an asset to me in some ways as it has kept me out of some trouble. However it does me a huge disservice at other times. The reality is no one can control everything. In trying to do so I have caused myself extra stress, lack of sleep, and many pounds worth of emotional eating. I need to stop. We all need to fall back on our faith, trust that God is in control and stop micro-managing our lives.

Do you have control issues like moi? Are you trying to micro-manage your life? Do you have a Faith practice that aids you in Chasing Joy.

Epic Tales: How to Make Better Choices and Have More Joy

May 4, 2015 |

Would you like to hear an Epic Tale? No I’m not talking about a fantastical story of fiction. I’m talking about a blog post inspired by something I learned or experienced at my church, Epic.

This weekend I spent some quality time with one of my nieces. She asked me did I go to church. It felt really good to be able to tell her yes and explain that I go to Epic. I have not been a church gooer since childhood until visiting Epic last fall. Since then I’ve become a regular attendee. I’ve written about my church experience a few times before. From now on I will refer to life lessons picked up from church as Epic Tails. Cute right?

The last four weeks at church have covered a series called choices. The idea is that we can have a happier life if we make better choices. But how do we do that? The pastors provided 4 questions that we should start asking ourselves when its time to make decisions. Before I share the four questions I have to say, what I like about them is that they are very practical. It wasn’t just pray about it, but an actual filter through whitch to pour our choices through.

4 Questions for Christians to ask themselves to make better decisions.

My cell phone notes from Church.

Questions 2 and 3 have already been a part of my decision making process. I have learned not to ignore red flags. My decision to use a sperm donor instead of just “going out and getting pregnant” was largely based on the story I’d have to one day tell my child. Questions 1 and 4, however, need to become part of the process.

I guess I can start now. Am I being honest with myself when I say these pizza rolls I’m about to eat won’t hurt my get healthy plans?? Not really.

What do you think of the questions? How do you make important and not so important decisions?

Anxiety on a Hundred Thousand Trillion!

February 18, 2020 |

Ugh Anxiety!

I have had anxiety issues for as long as I can remember. I was a good kid largely because I had so many worries about consequences. So anxiety is nothing new. It does ebb and flow.

Lately it has been flowing. There’s a lot going on with motherhood, new position at work, and managing bills and mortgage payments for two houses. So the anxiety is not really surprising.

Luckily the big perk of writing Chasing Joy for over 10 years is I can go back and read my own advice when I need a pick me up. Here are a few posts that I am reading to help me manage and calm my anxieties.

Get Your Mind Right For Joy

Chasing Joy By Not Giving A F*ck

There Are Great Things To Come & Other Joyful Affirmations

Epic Tales: Faith, To Remedy Control Issues and Chase Joy

How do you manage stress and anxiety? Do any of the above posts resonate with you?

Getting Baptized After 25 Years, Joy!

December 7, 2016 |

On Sunday I experienced the blessing of getting baptized after 25 years. What do I mean by 25 years? Well, I’ll tell you.

When I was eleven I went with my aunts to Camp Meeting. Camp Meeting was a two week period where the Seventh Day Adventists Churches in the area all meet and have church together. One day I went to children’s church. During the service there was an altar call. I didn’t really understand what was happening. The person preaching was talking about how much God loved us and how Jesus died for our sins.

I felt very loved and emotional during the sermon. The person preaching said if you love Jesus to come to the front. so I went to the front. The next thing I knew an adult was asking me which church I attended so they could note it for my Baptism that would take place later that day. I was shocked. I was just following instructions. I loved Jesus so I went to the front, like they said. I had no clue that meant I was volunteering to be baptized.

I found my aunt’s and told them I’d been signed up to be baptized . They asked me if I was sure. I wasn’t! My parent’s were not there with me, specifically my dad who was the religious one. They took me to a pay phone (remember those?) so I could call my dad. He was not home. I decided not to do it.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t shake the feeling that

they had tricked me. How was I supposed to know going to the front like they said to do would mean I would be baptized.
I had done something wrong by not showing up for my baptism.

After Camp Meeting I was afraid to go to church. I thought they had a list somewhere with my name on it that said I’d failed to show up for my baptism . So began 22 years of me not feeling uncomfortable in church.

Even though I had not been a church goer in over 20 years I had maintained my faith, prayed and read my bible. I even planned to be baptized one day. I just needed to find a church where I felt comfortable. Fortunately, about two years ago my cousin suggested I visit Epic Church. I liked it! I felt comfortable attending service there regularly.

So a few weeks ago without being tricked, I signed up! I would finally be getting baptized after 25 years. What made it even more special was doing it on my mom‘s birthday.

So, if like me you had some experience that pulled you away from church don’t worry. God is still in your heart and he will work it out for you. Even if it means you’ll be getting baptized after 25 years.

The baptism service was nice and my family and friends came out to support me. I spoke a little about getting baptized in one of my #Vlogmas Facebook Live videos. Check it out below.

Have you been baptized? Have you ever had a similar experience of feeling uncomfortable at church?

Sometimes You Have to Skip Church

June 20, 2016 |

Sometimes you have to skip church. Yup you read that right. I said, sometimes you have to skip church. I know it sounds strange so let me explain.

Let me start by saying that I think church is a great place and in general I think people should go. That being said it took my years to get back to going to church and to find one where I feel comfortable. I’ve now been going to Epic church pretty regularly for over a year and a half now. But yesterday I chose to skip church. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook than you probably think that I missed church by accident. You saw this picture of my the night before at the #SilentPhilly party (that was fun by the way) and then this before and after picture talking about how being super tired impacted my workout. It was no accident and I didn’t skip because I was tired. I chose to skip church because yesterday was Father’s Day.

Last year I wrote about how it was the first Father’s Day since I lost my dad where I was not consumed with grief. That is still true this year. Overall it was a good day and I was not sad. However, I know myself, and while the day is no longer as awful as it once was it is still a sensitive day. It is a day where I’d rather not be in a room, any room, including church, filled with dad’s being honored. As a matter of fact I avoided Facebook a little too. It can be painful to spend a specific amount of time reflecting on the huge whole left in my life by my dad’s absence. So I’d rather not do that, especially not on Father’s day, a day that was fun for him and me when we shared it together.

So I skipped church as a way to protect my heart and my emotions. I skipped church so that I could have a joyful day instead of one shadowed by a cloud of grief. I chose to skip church as an act of self love and self care. Now I did not completely ignore the day. I did look for and post a picture of my dad on Facebook that I’d not previously shared. I also sent Happy Father’s Day text to a couple of friends who are also dad’s. So don’t mistake my skipping church as a way for me to be in denial about the holiday. I simply need to do what was best for me to stay joyful and not go to a dark place.

P. S the services are recorded so I will be checking out the message later this week.

So what do you think? Was I wrong for skipping church? Have you ever intentionally skipped church? Have you ever skipped on Father’s or Mother’s Day?

Dear 2015

December 30, 2015 |

Dear 2015,

I am not even sure what I want to say to you. I had very high expectations for you. Now as we prepare to say goodbye in 48 hours I feel that you let me down. You really dropped the ball right at the end when you were in position to leave me on a high note, to leave me as a winner. 2015 you were supposed to be the real MVP but then you fumbled on the 5 yard line. SMH. Perhaps I am judging you to harshly as the last few weeks, with the exception of Christmas Day have been particularly hard. Let’s look back on our time together, a 2015 recap, least I judge you inaccurately.

We started out strong in January with plans to make me a mom this year. A Single Mother By Choice actually. Things started out good with good results on all of my fertility tests in the first quarter of the year. Followed by less than good news on midyear fertility tests where a thyroid issue and pre-diabetes were detected. This news sucked! However 2015, I would be remiss, if I did not thank you for alerting me to this issues before they caused me any ill feelings or side-effects. Back to baby making: several IUI’s and 9 months of being focused on becoming a mom and 2015 you are leaving me still very much not-pregnant.

2015, I admit the not being pregnant thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. However, although no life has been created within me our year has not been void of creation. The Chasing Joy Inspirational T-shirt line was created this year. 2015 you get a gold star for this one as this has been the significant milestone in the transition from Chasing Joy personal blog to Chasing Joy happiness and inspirational lifestyle brand.

2015 you did a pretty good job in the memory making department this year. The quality time spent with my mom has been great. Weekend trips to AC, overnight in Baltimore and the Poconos, The PA Ballet, The Nutcracker, the Lion King, birthdays and Christmas were all highlights of our time together.

2015 you taught me a very important lesson on how to be strong in my beliefs and techniques for carving out a joyful life for myself. You showed me the bizarre ways Chasing Joy can cause others to lash out when your pursuit of happiness challenges their views of how you fit into their life. You brought me closer to some people and protected me through distance from others.

My relationship with God has been more at ease this year. Not that it was ever bad or distant, but 2015, you took me to church more frequently than ever in my entire life. Dare I say I am a regular church goer now with many Epic Tales to share. This is a blessing 2015.

I have witnessed several friends struggle this year. It seems that I have not been the only one you have treated harshly at times this year, 2015. But in those moments you have also allowed me to extend my friendship in meaningful ways and for that,2015, I am grateful. On the flip side you have treated other friends quite well. There was a wedding and an adoption was finalized. It especially gave me Joy when my friend’s daughter’s adoption was finalized as I know the yearning of motherhood and that it does not always come easy.

2015 you did keep things interesting by introducing me to a few new things. Bowling challenged me to stick to something that I was not good at. Church Life Groups taught me how to let something go when it is not a good fit. Acupuncture has taught me how far I am willing to go for my future bundle of joy.

On the business side, you have laid a pretty good foundation for me 2015. At the day job I have played an important role in providing a supportive team structure with a whole new group of people. With Chasing Joy you have given me hope, a business coach, and even a blueprint for turning my passion into real income.

Well, the 2015 recap shows you weren’t that bad. I did set the standard pretty high and you did let me down on the motherhood front. But all in all you gave me much to be grateful for like family, friends, faith, optimism about my future, focus related to my blog, and an overall feeling that things will get better.
It has definitely been real 2015. Goodbye.

What would you write in your goodbye letter to 2015? Was this a good year for you or was it challenging?

3 Assumptions Joyful People Need to Make

November 24, 2015 |

OK, I know most of us have heard that we are not supposed to make assumptions. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying when you assume you make and ass out of you and me. No one wants to be and ass right? But I challenge this. Making assumptions isn’t bad if you make the right assumptions. Here are three assumptions all joyful people need to make.

Assume it’s them and not you. We all have had experiences where we have felt rejected in some way shape or form. It could be the love interest who did not have an interest in you. The friend who let you down. The co-workers who left you out. I could go on and on. We have all been there. When these things happen it is really easy to slip into the why aren’t I good enough negative thinking. Stop it. It’s one thing to be introspective and improve yourself. But it should not be based on someone rejecting you. Instead put on your No Negative self talk T-Shirt and realize that it is likely their issue and not your own. Perhaps the love interest is not at a place in his life where he can return those kinds of feelings. Maybe the friend is going through their own stuff. What if those co-workers are feeling intimidated by your kick-ass performance in the work place. You never know so why not assume its them and not you.

Assume the grass isn’t as green as you think. Life can be hard sometimes. It can down right suck. During those times it is easy to look at someone else’s life and think they have it easier. The grass always looks greener when your stuck in the mud. But, you never know what may be going on inside that persons house. Their grass might be lush but that cold be do to the water constantly leaking onto the lawn. You never know. I mean think about it, do you really want to trade your problems for someone else’s. I don’t. How many times have you talked to a friend and they reveal how they have been dealing with X, Y, and Z and you never knew??? It just happened to me the other day. Realize that everyone has hard times. It may be your turn today but that won’t always be the case. Stay focused on what is going right in your life and not on your neighbor’s grass.

Assume things are going to work out. Life can be hard and sometimes we even feel rejected. But you have to have hope. Hope is believing that things will get better and that things will work out. My hope is based in faith and I hope yours is too. But even if it isn’t look around. Most of us have good lives. Sure we have hard times, stress, bills, and experience loss. But most of us also have people who love us, friends to laugh with, and a place to call home . Most of us when we think back can recall more good memories than bad. Hold on to those good memories and let them give you hope that most things work out. They may not workout exactly when and how you think, but most things do work out.

What assumptions are you holding on to? Are they helping you or hurting you?

4 Tips Plus Resources To Keep Loneliness From Stealing Your Joy

September 2, 2015 |

4 Tips and Resources To Help When You Are Feeling Loneliness

I am a 35 year old single woman with no kids (yet). I know I have a lot to be thankful for. My time is my own. My money is my own. I am only responsible for myself. However, I have to admit sometimes being a 35 year old single woman with no kids can be a lonely place.

At this stage in life I most of my friends are already settled into family life. I have friends who have babies, little ones transitioning into kindergarten, and big kids transitioning into college. I have friends who are newlyweds and friends who have years of married bliss (hopefully) behind them I am not at the same place as most of my friends. That means I often find myself feeling a little lonely on the weekends when it seems like everyone is doing family stuff. Like any good blogger I took my feelings to Pinterest and found a couple of really useful Pins about how to manage those feelings.

Beating Loneliness. 100 Things We Must Remember!

8 Tips to Overcome Loneliness, A Guide for Women

7 Tips for Overcoming Loneliness and Fear of Being Alone

One thing that seemed to be a common them amongst these Pins was the tip to reach out to others. Even if in the midst of feeling lonely we feel like everyone is busy or like we don’t fit in, it is good to reach out anyway. The thing is we have to make sure we have people to reach out too. We have to invest in building healthy joyful relationships with others. To do this I thought the takeaways I picked up in church this week could come in handy.

As I mentioned in my VEDA Video Epic Tails 3 Church Takeaways, I think the pastor’s advice on how we can help our churches also applies to other things. We can apply these same 4 tips to building better relationships. So what are they:

Invite: I tend to get nervous about inviting people into my home but I am working on it. Invite people into your home, to your favorite restaurants, to a movie, to your favorite park. etc.. Basically invite people into your life. Invite new people. Continue to invite old friends and family also. Don’t take them for granted or assume they know the invitation is always there.
Serve: I am not as good at this as I should be. Offer to be of service to your friends. Offer to babysit, feed their pet when they are out of town, help them with a project, etc. Basically offer to be of service when you see a need, even if it is not expressed.
Give: I think I do OK in this area but can always improve. In addition to giving of your time by serving others you can give financially too. No, I’m not saying pay people to be your friend or become their personally ATMs. Where we spend our money does say a lot about what we value. When you remember your friends at their birthdays and other times with a gift (even a very small one) shows that you value them. If you see something small that you know they would like get it for them. Treat for lunch or coffee sometimes. Basically don’t be cheap and stingy. Those people tend to not have many friends.
Pray: I have been improving on this thanks to the Chasing Joy Prayer group where we pray for people each week. Most of us remember to pray for our friends who are sick or going through rough times. However, it’s good to just pray for our friends and family members regularly. You never know what they may be going through and not sharing. Also pray over your relationships in general that they would be fulfilling and strong. Prayer Works.

Sometimes it is hard not feeling like you are in the same place as your peers or in other ways disconnected. I hope armed with the practical advise from the Pins and applying these 4 tips to your relationships we can all feel less lonely and handle it better when the emotion does rears its ugly head.

Feeling lonely is a normal emotion we all feel. How do you keep it from stealing your joy? What do you think of the using the tips for building stronger relationships?

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