Chasing Joy

Search Results for: dad

Sometimes You Have to Skip Church

|

Sometimes You Have to Skip ChurchSometimes you have to skip church.  Yup you read that right.  I said, sometimes you have to skip church.  I know it sounds strange so let me explain.

Let me start by saying that I think church is a great place and in general I think people should go.  That being said it took my years to get back to going to church and to find one where I feel comfortable.  I’ve now been going to Epic church pretty regularly for over a year  and a half now.  But yesterday I chose to skip church.  If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook than you probably think that I missed church by accident.  You saw this picture of my the night before at the #SilentPhilly party (that was fun by the way) and then this before and after picture talking about how being super tired impacted my workout.  It was no accident and I didn’t skip because I was tired.  I chose to skip church because yesterday was Father’s Day.

Last year I wrote about how it was the first Father’s Day since I lost my dad where I was not consumed with grief.  That is still true this year.  Overall it was a good day and I was not sad.  However,  I know myself, and while the day is no longer as awful as it once was it is still a sensitive day.   It is a day where I’d rather not be in a room, any room, including church,  filled with dad’s being honored.  As a matter of fact I avoided Facebook a little too.  It can be painful to spend a specific amount of time reflecting on the huge whole left in my life by my dad’s absence.  So I’d rather not do that, especially not on Father’s day, a day that was fun for him and me when we shared it together.

So I skipped church as a way to protect my heart and my emotions.  I skipped church so that I could have a joyful day instead of one shadowed by a cloud of grief.  I chose to skip church as an act of self love and self care.  Now I did not completely ignore the day.  I did look for and post a picture of my dad on Facebook that I’d not previously shared. I also sent Happy Father’s Day text to a couple of friends who are also dad’s.  So don’t mistake my skipping church as a way for me to be in denial about the holiday.  I simply need to do what was best for me to stay joyful and not go to a dark place.

P. S the services are recorded so I will be checking out the message later this week.

So what do you think?  Was I wrong for skipping church?  Have you ever intentionally skipped church?  Have you ever skipped on Father’s or Mother’s Day?

Baby Making Update: Financing IVF

|

Financing IVF

Happy Friday yall.

This weekend is Father’s Day.  My dad has been gone 7 years now.  Over the years Father’s day  has become easier although part of me does wish I could skip it.  But at least I do have tons of awesome memories and my dad was great.  So great, as a matter of fact, that I have written several blog posts all about him.  (Feel free to read and share).  I think more than anything else now the holidays just make me want to have my own family even more.  I have so much love to give and there are so many experiences that I can’t wait to share.  And.. on that note I do have a baby making update for you.  My last update was about my IVF consult.  I am still headed in that direction.  Today’s update about financing IVF.

 

 

What are you doing for Father’s Day?  What are your thoughts on financing IVF?  Too expensive or nah?

I Am Off Track But Still Chasing Joy

|

I Am Off Track But Still Chasing JoyHave you ever fallen off track?  I have. As a matter of fact I am off track right now.  Since my mom died I feel like I just can’t get it together.  It’s only been a few weeks since she passed away so I know this feeling is normal but it doesn’t feel good. Having now lost both my parent I basically feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.  You see my dad was my biggest cheerleader.  He was the one who ran up ahead and cheered me on directing on which way the track was going up ahead.  My mom was my biggest supporter.  She’d be the one running alongside me keeping me from straying off to the right or left of the track.  Now I am on my own and I am off track.

The track my parents had me on was a good one.  It was headed towards great things, things like career, marriage, family, and financial strength.  But right now I am off track.  I am at a point in my career where I need to take the next step, but I have no clue what I want that next step to be.  I am still working on getting pregnant but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that it is much scarier to imaging being pregnant and raising a child without having my mom to help me.   Marriage, well I still certainly want that, but part of me worries that who I choose to get close to or not get close to is being unhealthily influenced by by grief.  Financially things are status quo but they could be better, see the sentence about taking the next career step above.  Then there is the rest of my life, my house is a mess, blogging is taking more effort than I’d like, and I have gained back about 7 of the 12 lbs I had lost earlier this year.  I am off track.

The good news is that it is ok.  I may be off track but maybe it is time for me to get off the track.  No matter how off track I may feel I know I am still going in the right direction.  I may not have my cheerleader or supporter but I do have the values and foundation they gave me so ultimately I know I can figure things out.  As a matter of fact It is time that I get off the track my parents lead me on and carve out  my own path.  It is time that I learn how to move forward on my own in the direction of my happiness without support or cheers.  It is time that I learn to allow others to cheer for me and to recognize the different people and types of support that is being offered.  I am off track but maybe it is time for me to stand still, take in my surroundings and find my own path.

I am off track but I am still headed in the right direction and starting to carve out my own path.  I am off track but still Chasing Joy.

Are you off track?  Have you suffered a great disappointment or life change that has left you feeling like you don’t know where you are going?  Maybe it is time for you to carve out your own path.

7 Muhammad Ali Quotes That Exemplify Chasing Joy

|

Muhammad Ali quotes

photo credit: Men’s Fitness 

We all heard the sad news of Muhammad Ali’s passing over the weekend.  So many of us have our own connection to the sports /  american icon.  Mine comes through my dad.  My dad loved sports including boxing.   He boxed in the army, was friends with boxers (Joe Frazier, Bernard Hopkins) and even taught my brothers how to box.  We had our own makeshift gym in the basement of our childhood home complete with heavy and speed bags.  I grew up watching boxing matches on TV especially heavy weights like Mike Tyson, and George Foreman (when he made his comeback as an older boxer).  Given all of  this, of course I knew all about  Muhammad Ali and had seen video clips of his fights.  As a mater of fact one of my greatest memories was taking my dad to see the Muhammad Ali movie.  We’d only ever been to one other movie together (movies weren’t his thing).  He took me to see Malcolm X as a kid and as an adult I took him to see Muhammad Ali.  So I am saddened over the lost of Muhammad Ali but I am reminded of some of my most cherished memories.  I am also reminded of the plethora of awesome Muhammad Ali Quotes he have to remember him by.

Here are 7 Muhammad Ali Quotes that perfectly exemplify what and how to Chase Joy.

  1. He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
  2. I don’t have to be what you want me to be.
  3. Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.
  4. Age is whatever you think it is. You are as old as you think you are.
  5. It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.
  6. My only fault is that I don’t realize how great I really am.
  7. What you’re thinking is what you’re becoming. 

What do these Muhammad Ali quotes tell us about Chasing Joy?  They tell us to have courage and take risks to accomplish our goals and the life we want.  They tell us not to let others define us.  They tell us that giving back is essential.  They tell us not to let things like age keep us from pursuing our passions and goals.  They tell us to believe in the power of affirmations and positive self talk.  They tell us that we do ourselves a great disservice by not seeing how great we really are.  Lastly they remind us just how powerful our thoughts really are.  So let’s stay away from negative thinking and stay focused on Chasing Joy.

What is your favorite Muhammad Ali quote?  Which of the above quotes do you find the most inspiring and encouraging for Chasing Joy?

Sometimes We Have To Be Sad To Chase Joy

|

Have To Be Sad To Chase JoyI just finished watching Inside Out.  Yeah, I know I’m late and yes everyone was right, it is a good movie.  I have to say this kid’s movie really left an impression on me.  My take away from the movie is that sadness is necessary.  As a matter of fact sometimes we have to be sad to Chase Joy.

As you all know my mom passed away a few weeks ago.  Since then I have really been struggling.  The sadness that I have felt is greater than any sadness I’ve felt before, even more so than when my dad died because I had my mom to help me through that.  The sadness is scary so I keep trying to push it away.  However maybe Inside Out is correct.  Maybe I need to allow it and to stop pushing it away.  Maybe I have to be sad to Chase Joy.

Have To Be Sad To Chase JoyHonestly I have tried to allow myself to experience the sadness.  I let myself cry a little each day.  But then gets too real and I wipe my eyes and push the pain away.  My efforts  to let the sadness happen are largely due to the fact that I know from past experience that if you don’t deal with your feelings  you can end up hurting yourself.  I am particularly vulnerable to emotional eating.  So, I have said to myself feel the feelings so you don’t eat the feelings.

Inside out has given me a greater reason to feel m feelings, to allow myself to be sad and not push the pain away.  It is in being and showing sadness that we invite others to cheer us up.  I am not good at being weak or vulnerable and that is how the sadness makes me feel.  But maybe if I allow myself to be weak, vulnerablee, and own my sadness I will also allow those who love me to rally around me and be the support system that I need.  I know that it is people and not things that bring the greatest happiness.  So I guess I just may need to let myself be sad to Chase Joy.

How do you deal with intense feelings of sadness or grief?

So, It Is Time I Start Writing Again

|

Time I Start Writing AgainIt’s been exactly 4 weeks since mom died. So, it is time I start writing again. But how??? People have been encouraging me to keep Chasing Joy but it is so hard right now. This thing called grief is no joke. For the punch it packs it should be a much longer word I’m talking like 10 letters instead of just 5. I mean it sneaks up on you. One moment I am just fine. The next moment in tears. Even things a simple as getting out of the bed or buying groceries take so much effort. Ugh, it is really awful and I feel like how can I write to encourage people to be happy when I am so far from it??

But, I have too. I know from past experience that in time I will feel better. I started writing after my dad died. Eventually by focusing on Joy along with the support of my family, friends, and some therapy I did start to feel joyful. The difference now vs. then is that I had my mom to help me through it. I don’t have my mom this time to help me. But as awesome as she is (she’ll never be past tense to me) she left me some instructions. She wrote me a letter. In it she says talks about how committed I am to happiness and tells me to not grieve to long and to focus on the future and not look back. So that’s what I’ve got t0 do. So, it is time I start writing again.

Yesterday was my first day back in the office. I tried to stick to some of my normal routine so I read Our Daily Bread. It talked about how during our darkest times we can be helped by helping others. So, it is time I start writing again. I am not the first person to lose their dad and their mom. I won’t be the last. Unfortunately, it is something most of us will experience. Writing about my experiences with grief, my pain may help someone else know that their grief and pain is normal. I could help someone to know that despite the pain and grief it is ok to laugh, enjoy friend’s company and to smile without guilt. I could help someone understand that after heartbreaking loss they owe it to themselves and to their loved one who has passed on to keep Chasing Joy. So, it is time I start writing again.

Rest Peacefully Mom

|

I am so very sorry to tell you that a week ago my mom passed away after fighting cancer for over three years.  I appreciate your prayers during this time.  Rest peacefully mom!

Today my mom went to rest until the time when we are all called to Jesus. I was so blessed to have her and like my dad'…

Posted by Arlett R. Hartie on Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Funny Quotes: Using Laugther to Chase Joy

|

Using Laughter to stay joyful.

Christmas is over.  I cannot believe it came and went so fast.  I had a nice Christmas.  It was a low key day spent with my favorite person, my mom.  Santa was good to both of us so clearly our names were nowhere near the naughty list.

In my family we have a saying “not the year of the bad Christmas“.  It was something my dad would say each year.  After a lovely Christmas he would say, “well, it’s not the year of the bad Christmas“.  Maybe he got it from growing up poor and being very aware that Christmas was not always merry.  Anyway, this year, like every year of my life was not the year of the bad Christmas.  However it was a challenging Christmas.  Last week I wrote about feeling in limbo and dealing with feelings of uncertainty related to some medical tests.  Luckily the the limbo ended prior to Christmas however the medical tests did not turn out the way I wanted.  So the joy I normally feel at Christmas was flanked by a medical procedure on Christmas Eve morning and more tests the day after.

This is life.  Often, the times when we want to be the happiest are also the times when we are faced with unpleasant news.  Then a decision has to be made.  Will we give in and let happiness fade away or will we dig in our heals and hold on tight to the joy we’ve been chasing?  I choose to keep chasing joy.  One of the ways I do this is through laughter.  Laughter does not make our problems go away but it makes us feel lighter and less weighted down.  It gives us a smile and a momentary escape from whatever is robbing us of joy.

When I am seeking laughter I will look for funny movies and sitcoms on TV.  I will also follow funny memes online or look up some funny quotes.  Here are a few funny quotes I found on brainyquote that put a smile on my face.

“It’s a well-known fact that tall people are evil.” ~ Kevin Hart

“I’ve always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler.” ~ Amy Poehler

“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” ~ Rita Rudner

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” ~ Robin William

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ~ George Burns

“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” ~ Steven Wright

“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.” ~  Zsa Zsa Gabor

Is there a place you go to find funy quotes online?  What do you do to keep chasing joy in the face of bad news or disappointment?  Is laughter the best medicine for you?

Give Yourself The Gift Of Kindness

|

The Gift Of Kindness

Christmas is less than two weeks away!

The year is over in less than three weeks!  Are you stressing?  Have you been racing around trying to get that perfect gift for you kid, spouse, parent???  Are you putting in long hours at work to make year end deadlines?  Have you been reflecting back on your resolutions and goals for this year and feeling disappointed?

Many of us are doing exactly these things, beating ourselves up and stressing ourselves out in a variety of ways at what is supposed to be a Joyous time of year.  I admit to beating myself up for not organizing my time properly these last two weeks, not mailing out a single Christmas card and stressing over not reaching some of my goals for this year.  So, I will be wearing my I Am Chasing Joy Holiday T-shirt a lot over the next few weeks to remind myself Tis The Season To Chase Joy.  But I am also going to focus on one of the best pieces of advice I have ever received and be kind to myself. I am giving myself the gift of kindness.

Sadly I do not remember exactly who gave me that bit of advice to credit them.  I remember it was said to me right after my dad died and I’d broken up with my boyfriend.  It was likely someone from my book club.  I doubt a co-worker would have reached out to me in that way.  This person  knew what I was going through and she said “Arlett, be kind to yourself”.

As I type this I have to admit life is really good and I am blessed.  I am so happy that I am not in that dark place that I was at the time the advice was given. However, the advice still fits.  Now is not the time to beat ourselves up or stress ourselves out.  Now is the time to be kind to ourselves and Chase Joy.  Give yourself the gift of kindness these last weeks of the holiday season.

Remember To Chase Joy

|

As many of you know this month I am participating in NaBloPoMo with Blogher.  Today I decided to answer one of their writing prompts.

What do you hope people remember about you after you’re gone?

Initially I was going to skip this prompt.  It sounded a little morbid.  But then I thought “after your’re gone does not have to mean after you have died. It can mean after you have gone as in left someone’s presence.  That, I think, is a much better and less morbid question.

What do you hope people remember about you after you have gone from their presence?

You may say who cares?  Why should I care what other people think about me?  Or, what other people think about me is none of my business.  I happen to agree that it is their business and no you should not be overly concerned with what others think of you.  Buuuuutttt….  feeling valued is an important aspect of having a more joyful life.  Knowing that your presence on this planet, at your job, within your family, withing your community, etc matters makes us feel valued and happier.

When you interact with people you want to leave the situation knowing that your presence mattered in a positive way.  What you don’t want them to think, as my dad would say, is “so long, so long, you rascal you!”  So don’t be a Joy Thief! When you are gone, don’t you want to have left someone smiling? When you are gone don’t you want people to feel glad that they talked to you?  When you are gone, don’t you want people to feel inspired by what you said or did?  I know I do.

When I am gone I want people to feel encouraged. When I’m gone I want people to remember that their greatest dreams and desires are worth pursuing.  When I’m gone I want people to remember that things can improve and get better.  When I am gone I want people to remember to Chase Joy!

What do you want people to remember when you have gone from their presence?

Paste your AdWords Remarketing code here