Today I was emailing with a friend and she mentioned wanting her daughter to grow up comfortable in her own skin. Of course I want that for her daughter, all my friends’ daughters, and my nieces and nephews. But the truth is I want it for me too. So much of this journey, Chasing Joy, is about learning to be happy with me and comfortable in the skin I’m in.
So when exactly did I stop feeling comfortable in my own skin? When did my birthday suit start feeling all itchy and uncomfortable??? I guess there was no single incident that caused me to lose that natural confidence that all kids are born with and start doubting and second guessing myself. More like random incidents that made me feel somehow embarrassed or inadequate.
Was it the time the DJ at my cousin’s sweet 16 party made fun of my weight in front of about 100 teenagers? I was 15. Was it when I was about 8, visiting my aunt and she quickly informed me that it was not my place to ask her who was on her phone? I was hoping it was my dad calling to say he was on the way to get me. Or was it the first time that the Dr. told my mom that I should be put on a diet when I was 12? I suspect that each of these incidents as well as other’s played a part in making me feel a little less comfortable with me.
But I suppose the incident that stands out the most occurred on a road trip. I was very young, I’m thinking pre-kindergarten. I was traveling with my Aunt (different one than mentioned above) and cousins. I don’t exactly remember where we were going. It was dark and we were all in one car. I was in the middle in the back because I was the little one. The radio was on and whatever was playing was so boring to me. So, I naturally asked if the station could be changed. My Aunt’s response was to ask me “how do you know I was not listening to that?” I don’t remember how I responded. I don’t remember what else she said. I do remember that the station was not turned and I felt ashamed. This was the first time that I remember feeling that it was not good to speak up. This was the first time that I remember feeling embarrassed. This was the first time I remember feeling that asking for what you want is selfish and inconsiderate. This is the first time that I remember feeling that it is better to be easy going and go with the flow than to speak up about what I want.
Now, I know that My Aunt and none of the adults mentioned here (except for the DJ he was just an ass) meant me any harm. I know they were all trying to help me to be healthy and have good manners. However, sometimes the lesson is lost when the delivery is harsh. I do not have any kids yet but I am blessed to be Auntie to four awesome kids. I never want to cause them to doubt that their feelings matter, feel insecure, ashamed, or otherwise uncomfortable in their own skin. I am careful with the words I choose when I feel the need to correct undesirable behavior not wanting the lesson to get loss in words spoken too harshly. They are confident girls and boys and I hope they stay that way. I want them to Chase Joy comfortably in the skin they are in.
As I list the things I want to do in pursuing my happiness, build confidence as I cross items of the list, find my voice by blogging with you, and otherwise Chase Joy I am becoming more and more comfortable in the skin I am in.
Are you comfortable in the skin you are in?
What kinds of things do you do to keep your kids or other young people in your life comfortable in the skin they are in?
This post will we linked up with Mamakat’s writer’s workshop 🙂
