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Goodbye and Good Riddance 2016

December 28, 2016 |

Dear 2016,

Each year I have written a letter to one of your predecessor reflecting on our time together and the experiences we shared. To be honest 2016 if you were a person we would not be friends. Yes we have shared some good times. I even gave you credit for those moments in a recent Instagram post. But none of that changes the fact that you 2016 are the year that took my mom. I don’t think I can forgive a betrayal such as that especially considering you also didn’t give me my bundle of joy. As a matter of fact you will now be sharing the title of worst year ever with 2009, the year that took my dad.

However, 2016, I have to give credit where credit is due. You have taught me an incredible life lesson. You have taught me that I can survive my worst fear can coming true. After my dad died my biggest fear was that my mom would also die before I met my Mr. Joy Chaser, got married and had a family of my own, thereby leaving me familyless. Welp that is exactly what has happened.

It sucks in many ways. At times it is painfully lonely. But you know what after seven years of Chasing Joy I have built a foundation for Joy that is so strong that I am resilient enough to not only survive but thrive while living through my worst fear. I have found a way to laugh, travel, invest in relationships, lose weight, succeed at work, and keep Chasing Joy through grief and while living in the midst of my biggest fear.

Thank you 2016 for showing me how strong I am and how much I have grown. Unfortunately, you still get no love from me.

Eff you very much!!!

~ Arlett

5 Questions To Ask To Prepare Yourself For An Awesome 2017

December 26, 2016 |

Happy Day after Christmas guys. Christmas has passed. It’s time to focus on the New Year, specifically time to prepare yourself for an awesome 2017.

I hope you had a great Christmas! As my dad would say it wasn’t the year of the bad Christmas. That in itself was an accomplishment considering this was my first Christmas without my mom. Highlights from my Christmas include making a Christmas Card featuring my cats and finishing out #Vlogmas with a crazy Faceb ook Live video featuring my cousins.

Now it’s time to set ourselves up for a great 2017. To do that we need to be intentional and focused. To help us figure our what to be intentional about and what to focus on, here are 5 questions to ask to prepare yourself for an awesome 2017.

Peanut and Buttercup Feeling Festive!

What are some of your fondest memories from 2016? Take note of what made it special, who you were with and what you were doing. This will give you insight into what kinds of activities give you joy and what relationships add to your happiness.
What was your low point? Take note of who showed up for you offering support. Also notice who you felt comfortable opening up to during that time. You’ll probably notice some overlap in the people from questions 1 and 2. These people should be your inner circle. These are the relationships that you should invest in in 2017.
What was your greatest accomplishment and why? This should give you some insight on what is truly important to you. This is the area of your life that you will want to focus your time and resources in in 2017.
What did it take to achieve it? Use your past success as a benchmark for future goals. Look at what worked and apply those techniques as you develop and work on goals in 2017.
What is the greatest lesson 2016 taught you? Sometimes our greatest lessons come from our successes. Sometimes they come from our failures. Sometimes these lessons just come from life events. No matter where your lesson came from take note of all that you learned and apply those lessons as you prepare for and throughout 2017.

Don’t you want to prepare yourself for an awesome 2017? How would you answer these questions? I am going to answer some of these questions myself this week on social media so make sure you are following me on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube.

It Starts With The Egg Book Recommendation For Those Trying To Conceive

December 9, 2016 |

I have a book recommendation for my friends who want to experience the Joy of becoming a mom or dad. It is called It Starts With The Egg. Actually its called It Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF by Rebecca Fett. I started reading it a few weeks back and began making some of the recommended changes. For example did you notice my hair is now in braids (well crochet twists to be exact) . I made that change because of a recommendation from the book. Check out the video below to see all of the tips and advice I have been applying.

it Starts with the Egg: How the Science of Egg Quality Can Help You Get Pregnant Naturally, Prevent Miscarriage, and Improve Your Odds in IVF by Rebecca Fett

Click here to get your own copy of It Starts With The Egg from Amazon.

This post contains affiliate links.

Getting Baptized After 25 Years, Joy!

December 7, 2016 |

On Sunday I experienced the blessing of getting baptized after 25 years. What do I mean by 25 years? Well, I’ll tell you.

When I was eleven I went with my aunts to Camp Meeting. Camp Meeting was a two week period where the Seventh Day Adventists Churches in the area all meet and have church together. One day I went to children’s church. During the service there was an altar call. I didn’t really understand what was happening. The person preaching was talking about how much God loved us and how Jesus died for our sins.

I felt very loved and emotional during the sermon. The person preaching said if you love Jesus to come to the front. so I went to the front. The next thing I knew an adult was asking me which church I attended so they could note it for my Baptism that would take place later that day. I was shocked. I was just following instructions. I loved Jesus so I went to the front, like they said. I had no clue that meant I was volunteering to be baptized.

I found my aunt’s and told them I’d been signed up to be baptized . They asked me if I was sure. I wasn’t! My parent’s were not there with me, specifically my dad who was the religious one. They took me to a pay phone (remember those?) so I could call my dad. He was not home. I decided not to do it.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t shake the feeling that

they had tricked me. How was I supposed to know going to the front like they said to do would mean I would be baptized.
I had done something wrong by not showing up for my baptism.

After Camp Meeting I was afraid to go to church. I thought they had a list somewhere with my name on it that said I’d failed to show up for my baptism . So began 22 years of me not feeling uncomfortable in church.

Even though I had not been a church goer in over 20 years I had maintained my faith, prayed and read my bible. I even planned to be baptized one day. I just needed to find a church where I felt comfortable. Fortunately, about two years ago my cousin suggested I visit Epic Church. I liked it! I felt comfortable attending service there regularly.

So a few weeks ago without being tricked, I signed up! I would finally be getting baptized after 25 years. What made it even more special was doing it on my mom‘s birthday.

So, if like me you had some experience that pulled you away from church don’t worry. God is still in your heart and he will work it out for you. Even if it means you’ll be getting baptized after 25 years.

The baptism service was nice and my family and friends came out to support me. I spoke a little about getting baptized in one of my #Vlogmas Facebook Live videos. Check it out below.

Have you been baptized? Have you ever had a similar experience of feeling uncomfortable at church?

Going Live for #Vlogmas!!!

December 5, 2016 |

Hi guys,

Sorry this post is a few hours late. I was busy getting Baptized yesterday and celebrating my Salvation with my family. I’ll tell you more about that on Wednesday.

Today is December 5th so we are less than weeks away from Christmas. I have mentioned in the past how the holidays can be difficult for me since I lost my dad. This year is even more challenging since losing my mom. But, I don’t want to be sad or down during what is supposed to be a joyful time of year. So, I decided to participate in #Vlogmas to help me say focused on Joyful things.

What is #Vlogmas? #Vlogmas is doing vlogs or video blogs every day in december up to Christmas. I actually started a day late on December 2nd. I am doing my #Vlogmas videos live on Facebook and sharing them on YouTube.

So far I have talked about Friendship, Faith, and Goals. I have some ideas of things to talk about this month but I definitely want to hear your ideas. What do you struggle with during the holidays? What do you think is important to discuss around the holidays?

Check out the video below to see my first #Vlogmas.

Six Charities To Support With Your Coins This Holiday Season.

November 30, 2016 |

Yesterday was giving Tuesday. if you did not do any giving yesterday dont worry. The giving season is just starting and you will have plenty of opportunities and charities to support this holiday season.

If you dont know where to start here are six charities to support this holiday season. These are charities that I have happily sent my hard earned coins to because I believe in their missions and have a personal connection.

American Cancer Society – The American Cancer Society works towards a world with no cancer by helping people stay well, get well and find cures. This is important to me because I have lost both of my parents to Cancer.

Free to Breathe – Free to Breath is a partnership of lung cancer survivors, advocates, researchers, healthcare professionals and industry leaders that are united in the belief that every person with lung cancer deserves a cure. Lung Cancer comes with a stigma because of people’s hatred of smoking. My mom had lung cancer and despite her having been a smoker she did not deserve to be sick and have her life shortened in a painful way. I have walked in the free to Breathe 5k and will do so in the futre. I support the cause.

Astrazeneca Hope Lodge – The hope lodge offers lodging at no cost for cancer patients who have to travel far from home to be treated in the Philadelphia area. I know from caring for my mom during her 3 years of treatment. We were blessed to live only about 5 minutes away from her cancer center. Can you imagin how hard it is for those who live in rural areas or small towns miles and miles away from their treatment center? Well the Hope Lode jumps in and fills that need. The Astrazeneca Hope Loge accepts money of course but they also accept household goods like the kind I collected for them at my last charity event.

VNA – The Visiting Nurse Association of Greater Philadelphia is the oldest and largest non-profit home health and hospice provider in the region, and one of the most innovative in the nation. The staff at this Hospice took care of both my dad and my mom during thier final days. Also they took care of me in a way and continue to reach out to me now 6 months after my mom passes. I will always support the VNA.

Pamoza International – Pamoza International implements Christian outreach and community development initiatives by bringing together (pamoza) privileged and underprivileged communities to transform the lives of children and families in Malawi, Africa. Pamoza is important to me because it was started by a family friends. I support and am inspired by the difference she is making in the world by giving back.

Your local church – Last but not least is your church. Most churces do a lot to serve the commuinties they reside with in. Often our churches are running at a defecite. The holidays is the perfect time to give to a place where we receive so much suppport spiritually and often physically.

Giving back is one of the pilars of joy becasue in givng to others we shift focus away from ourselves and onto the difference we can make with the world. It allows us to help others but to also feel valued ourselves. The present really is for the one doing the giving. While this post is on giving back financially there are other ways to give as well. However, as we get spend, spend, spend, over the next few weeks let’s throw some coins where they are needed. You can start with the charities listed above unless you have your own list.

Do you have a list of charities to support this holiday season?

My Nissan Sentra Gives Me Joy

October 10, 2016 |

Let me tell you about my car, My 2005 Nissan Sentra. That’s right I said 2005. It is green, or jade if I am being particular. It is a little car though four adults can fit comfortably inside as long as the shorter ones sit in the back. It is a four cylinder so not bad on gas. It does not have wifi, gps, or satellite capabilities. It does have a couple of dents, scratches, and a cracked break light. Also the seat belt connector on the drivers side always slides down to the bottom of the belt. I have to find it near the floor and slide it back up the belt before I can put it on and click it into place. What else can I tell you about my Nissan Sentra??? Oh, most importantly it runs just fine. It just passed inspection after a repair. On average for the last few years the car has cost me less than $800 a year in repairs. It is reliable.

Yes the car is now over 11 years old. I have had it exactly 11 years today as a matter of fact. My dad went with me on Columbus day to go buy it. That is one of my fondest memories. My dad was so proud of me and everything feel into place for me to buy the car with confidence. But that is not why my Nissan Sentra gives me joy.

My Nissan Sentra gives me joy because it reminds me of some of my good qualities. Qualities that I forget about or that I have started to doubt over the years. It reminds me that I am good with money. I saved up a very decent down payment for my car. I had a really good credit score for a 25 year old when I bought it. So I had a loan and certified check from my bank in hand when I went to buy it so I did not need the car companies financing. I paid the car off early and have no car payment Over the years I have found myself in debt a time or two, including now managing the cost of my fertility treatment. It is not a good feeling and makes me doubt my ability to be good with money. My car is a reminder that I am.

My Nissan Sentra gives me joy because it reminds me that I make good decisions. My home and car are the two biggest purchases that I have ever made. I did research and prepared as best as I could before buying either. While I am proud to be a homeowner it has not really turned out as great as I thought it would. I did not know how hard managing a house was. I also did not foresee the changes that have taken place in my neighborhood. Hindsight being 20/20 I would have done somethings differently. At times when dealing with homeownership stuff I doubt my decision making abilities. But then I look out at my car and see how well that has turned out. Not all of my decisions have been disappointing. I can make goo decisions.

My Nissan Sentra gives me joy because it gives me independence. I can get up and go wherever I want whenever I want. I don’t have to worry about an uber, SEPTA (public transportation in Philly), or family or friends for rides.

My Nissan Sentra gives me joy because it reminds me that I can stick to a plan. The main reason I got a Nissan Sentra is because one of my friends had one and it was super old and running well. I knew I wanted whatever car I purchased to last. I read some financial advice around the time of my car research that said you should not get a new car until the maintenance costs on your current car cost the same as or more than a care payment on a new vehicle. That was my plan from day one of car ownership. So here we are 11 years later. The car still cost way less than a repair. I admit I am itching for something new. But for now I calm the itch by reminding myself I don’t have a car note.

Realistically I know that I don’t have much time left with my 2005 Nissan Sentra. Eventually my plan to become a Single Mother By Choice will become a reality. I will need something that fits and is compatible with modern day car seats. But until then I will keep Chasing Joy in my 2005 jade green Nissan Sentra.

How old is your car? When did you decide it was time for a new one?

6 Ways To Survive Bad Days

October 3, 2016 |

How do we survive bad days???

Sometimes we go through things and periods in life that just suck. We can’t pretend its not happening or fake happiness. Trust me, I know. I have been through many of those times including break ups, losing my parents, miscarriage, and unsuccessful months trying to conceive. These things suck! However we still have to keep going. Here are 6 tips on how to survive a bad day or days.

1. Get out of bed. When times are hard it is hard to even get out of bed in the morning. Get up anyway. When you stay in bed all day you send yourself a message that you have nothing to live for. You reinforce the hopeless feeling instead of fighting against it. So get up. Get out of the bed. Even if you only make it to the couch it is a step in the right direction.

2. Shower and get dressed. Put on clean clothes. Not pajamas. Remind yourself that every day holds promise and at least you are dressed for the occasion. You are ready if the possibility of something fun should fall in your lap. Furthermore being cleaned and dressed will help you to fell more upbeat more hopeful. It wards off that why bother attitude that is common during rough times.

3. Go outside. Get some fresh air and most importantly some sun. Sunlight gives us vitamin D. Vitamin D can boost your mood. As a matter of fact whenever I notice I’ve been feeling down I increase my Vitamin D supplements. (Consider that a bonus tip).

4. Take note of any medications you may be taking. Having been on the Trying to conceive bandwagon for about 18 months now I have taken a few fertility medications. Sometimes when I am feeling down it is because of the medications. As the medications are necessary I have to take them but it does make me feel a little better to understand why I may be feeling down or more sensitive. If your medications are causing you to feel down that is important info for your doctor.

5. Read a book. When reality sucks books can provide a great escape. My favorites are books that make me laugh. Mysteries are also good because I can get lost in trying to figure out who done it.

6. Start a project. Sometimes just having a purpose can get us out of a funk or, make our funk a little easier to deal with. Starting this blog was my project after losing my dad. Having something Chasing Joy related helps me a lot. You do not have to start a blog to have a project. Some people knit. Others do DIY projects. Figure out what kind of project will help you. You may have to try a few things to figure it out. Don’t give up.

There you have it 6 things to do to help you through bad days and hard times. No matter what get up, get dressed, and go outside and LIVE! Eventually you will feel better. Nothing in life lasts forever, including bad times.

How do you get through rough times or bad days?

Using Groupon Goods To Bring Joy To My Home Without Breaking The Bank

August 29, 2016 |

This is a sponsored post for Groupon. All opinions expressed herein are my own.

I have owned my home since 2005. However, I never really took full ownership of the entire house. Now I am making the space my own and using Groupon Goods to bring joy to my home.

Okay, so here is what happened. I purchased my home when I was 25. I had did some research on real estate and decided I wanted to get a duplex, live in half, and rent out the rest. I ended up renting out the bottom floor to my parents. My plan was to live there for 5 years then move (because of course I’d be married by 30 and have a single family home with my man), rent out the upstairs apartment, and leave my parents with the downstairs apartment to keep an eye on the property. Fast forward 11 years later I have lost my mom and my dad, am still living here and am very much single.

Because I did not have long term plans for the property I did not do much in terms of making it my own. I did a little bit of decorating on my floor but I did nothing downstairs. When I decided to become a Single Mother By Choice my mom was on board. We decided to stop living as though we were in two different apartments. We started sharing the whole house. My mom agreed to share her living room with me. I turned my upstairs living room into my bedroom freeing up my old bedroom for my future bundle of joy. I actually painted and decorated my new bedroom to make the space Joyful for me. But, I did not do anything to the downstairs other than move my couch downstairs. All of the decor was in my mom’s style.

Now that my mom has passed it is time for me to fully make this house my own. This includes all of the rooms on both the first and second floors. I sort of have a plan and have started to make some changes. The living room no longer has two couches. I moved the 2nd one into the dining room. If I am not entertaining I plan to use this room as my home office to work on Chasing Joy stuff. The dining table will be my desk and I can sit on the couch if I want to be more comfy.

I’ve made progress but, I still have a lot of work to do in terms of colors, decor, and odds and ends. The main thing is I don’t want to spend a lot of money (see last week’s post on tightening my spending). Since I know I can use Groupon Coupons to save money at thousands of stores I decided to check out the Groupon Goods site to see what other deals I could find.

I found tons of deals! There were discounts on decor items like curtains and sofa covers. I saw some things that I would want to go in my home office, like a Charging Station for my phone, IPad, etc… or a personalized sign. Shower Speakers and a Rock Salt Lamp would be cool in the bathrooms! I even saw a few things for the kitties that were at a discount . I definitely want Peanut and Buttercup to be comfortable in my space.

Your home should be your sanctuary. It should reflect your personality. It should be a place of comfort and a safe space both physically and emotionally. It should be a source of Joy. Feeling good in your space is an important part of self care that I should stop overlooking. I have gone too many years living in my home without finding Joy in it. Enough is enough. I will figure out my style and colors, then I will use Groupon Goods to bring Joy to my home without breaking the bank.

Have you really made your home your own? Is it a source of comfort and Joy? Or, do you need to Bring Joy to your home like I do? Also, what do you think of Groupon Goods? Do you shop there?

P. S. keep up with Groupon Coupons by following them on FACEBOOK and TWITTER.

This is a sponsored post for Groupon. All opinions expressed herein are my own.

How Can I Chase Joy When My Brothers Are Being Killed?

July 8, 2016 |

It’s Friday but I don’t have a baby making update this week (nothing new to report). Actually I’ve been quiet on the blog and social media this week with the exception of a few moments of joy in the coach store and post workout. The truth is I have just not known what to say or write. I mean how can I Chase Joy when my brothers are being killed????

In case you missed my smiling face in my header, have never been to my IG, Facebook, or YouTube sites let me inform you that I am black. I had a black dad. I have black brothers. I have black nephews. I have black friends. I LOVE black men and will likely marry one. I hope to one day have a black son. I am not even pregnant yet and I am afraid for him along with every other black man in my life, family, and community (and by community I mean Black men living in America). Honestly I am afraid for myself as well but even more afraid for them. I feel like it is open season on killing black men and it hurts.

Not all police are bad. I’d even venture to say that most are good. However, when I see flashing lights the amount of fear that I feel is unnatural and unhealthy and unfortunately it is not an overreaction when you see these videos over and over and over again. I, like too many other Black Americans have my own personal experiences with police that increase these feelings of distrust. I grew up in a police district where several officers were arrested for selling and planting drugs on citizens, mostly young black men and boys. I have also been in the car twice driving through white neighborhoods with a black man at the wheel and been followed by the police. I was a little girl when it happened with my dad and a grown woman when it happened on a date. When I pair my own personal experience with what I am seeing in the media I have just been at a loss for words. How can I encourage you to Chase Joy when my brothers are being killed?

What is happening now is not new. I grew up with my dad warning my brothers, as little boys, not to run in the street after dark because the police will think you are running from a crime you committed. Now with social media and cameras everywhere we are all getting to see it. Like I said most police are not bad but there is obviously a systemic issue with how police are trained. Specifically how they are trained to manage their fears in hostile and dangerous situations. Even more so the heightened sense of fear and that seems to be prevalent when the subject of an officer’s attention is black needs to be addressed. This need to go above and beyond diversity training. I am not a sociologist or a criminal justice subject matter expert so I don’t have the answer to this problem. But I know things have to change.

How can we Chase Joy when my brothers are being killed? The short answer is we can’t. Being black in this country and possible in the world means that we live with a certain level of fear and insecurity that surrounds us like an invisible and ever present Joy Thief. The long answer is that we have to find a way. Regardless of the painful things we see on TV and experience in our everyday lives we have to strive to have happiness and Joy in our lives. So my advice is to be fully present in those moments of happiness wither they take place at the Coach store, your family bbq, or watching your kids in the pool. Remember your self-care, workout and make healthy choices. Practice your faith and follow your heart when it comes to how you chose to speak out for change and justice.

I’ll leave you with this. I read Our Daily Bread at work before I start my day. Today’s included the following scripture “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” Mathew 5:44. I am feeling pretty persecuted right now so I will be praying.

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