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Free Chasing Joy Meet Up This Friday

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We are having Free Chasing Joy Meet Up to work on our end of year goals. Here are six reasons why you should be there. This Friday we are having Free Chasing Joy Meet Up to work on our end of year goals.

Here are six reasons why you should be there.

  1. The end of 2017 is fast approaching and I know you want to finish strong. Maybe you had a New Year Resolution that you forgot about. Or maybe you have been diligently working on something but need to feel excited about It again. Add some new energy to your goals at the meet up!
  2. Perhaps you didn’t set any goals this year and have just been going with the flow but now we’re entering the last quarter and you want to get focused. It’s never too late to get focused and strategic about the things you want to accomplish. Get off to a good start at the meet up!
  3. You are a forward thinker and already planning for 2018.  You know what you want to accomplish next year and are ready to jump start and start working on this 2018 goals in the last quarter of 2017.
  4. This will be a easy way to connect with like minded joy focused women.
  5. The corner bakery has good food, free WiFi, and a good atmosphere to hang out with your blogger friend (Me).
  6. This meet up is free!  If finances were not favorable to attend the Chasing Joy Spa Day or the Chasing Joy Brunch & Learn then now is your chance to come to a Chasing Joy event without hurting your wallet.  However being prepared to get an ice tea or coffee beverage would be good to not take advantage of the Corner Bakery’s hospitality.

I could keep going but I think the above six reasons should cover why you should come to the Free Chasing Joy Meet Up.

I am hosting this little meet up because I need to refocus and set some goals to finish 2017 strong.  My niece actually gave me the idea as we were discussing her goals as a new college student and mine as an entrepreneur.  I explained SMART goals to her and she is supposed to update me soon on how she made her goals SMART.

They say the difference between a wish and a goal is a plan. Making goals SMART (specific, measurable, actionable, realistic, and time sensitive) is a way of creating a strong plan.  Creating SMART goals is not always easy. Talking it through with like minded Joy Chasers can help and make it more fun.

I hope to see you at the Free Chasing Joy Meet Up on Friday 9/22 at the Corner Bakery on City Line Ave.  I will be there from 4pm to 7pm.  This is a casual meet up so feel free to  come and go anytime during those hours.  Let me know if you will be coming to hang out with me.  Feel free to bring a friend.

We are having Free Chasing Joy Meet Up to work on our end of year goals. Here are six reasons why you should be there.

PS. If you are active on Facebook make sure you join the Chasing Joy Joy Chaser’s FB group.  If you do you will get a personal invite to all meet ups.

No Joy When Life Is So Hard You Can’t Get Out Of Bed

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No Joy When Life Is So Hard You Can’t Get out of Bed.

No Joy When Life Is So Hard You Can't Get Out of Bed

A few days ago I saw on post on Facebook that said something like, at some point every woman has the experience of when she does not want to or can’t get out of bed in the morning. With today being one day after the 8th year anniversary of my father’s passing away it felt like a good time to share my own experience with not wanting to get out of bed.

I have shared this story several times at Chasing Joy events but I don’t think I have ever actually written about it before today. I know this isn’t a joyful topic but it is very important to me that you all know that Chasing Joy is not about feeling happy-go-lucky everyday. Chasing Joy is about making the decision to live a happy life and working to build resilience even when life knocks you down. So, I’m going to tell you guys about when life really knocked me down and I did not want to get out of bed in the morning.

I can’t remember the exact date but I know it was either late fall or early winter of 2009. My dad had passed away on August 27th of that year and I had been having a really hard time with the grief. During this time I was also in a relationship with a man that I loved very very much. Unfortunately, things were not going well! I didn’t really know what was wrong but I knew that things between us we’re not good. We weren’t arguing or anything because I’m not a person that has a lot argument. However, we were not spending much time together anymore. Also the times that we were spending together were filled with tension. I was beginning to have some doubts about my important in his life and was beginning to doubt the longevity of the relationship.

This was a lot to go through! Either of those two things by themselves is enough to make a person who’s normally fairly content feel really sad. But the combination of missing my dad and doubting my relationship was becoming too much for me. Now, I’d always been very close to my mom and I talked to her a bit about my relationship stuff but I also didn’t want to burden her. I lost my dad. She had lost her husband and partner of over 40 years. Even as I was consumed with my own grief I was worried about her’s. So you see I didn’t really feel comfortable talking to her about how said and pained I really was.

I have always always loved sleeping in. Most of my long-term friends know not to even like call me before noon on the weekend. So my sleeping late was not unusual. However, what was unusual was my reason for sleeping increasingly later and later on days when I didn’t have to go to work. You see carrying on with this heavy burden of grief over my dad, worry for my mom, and the sadness over the inevitable end of my relationship was getting to be just way too much. It was becoming laborious and painful to just be awake.

So one late fall or early winter day I woke up on a Friday, when I did not have work, and I just turned over and went back to sleep. I woke up thirty minutes to an hour later and did the same thing. All morning I did this over and over and over again. This went on well past noon.  I remember thinking for the first time I wish I could just stay asleep. The pain that I was experiencing while I was awake was just becoming too much for me and I just wanted to stay asleep so that I could Escape it. I was experiencing my I can’t get out of bed moment.

The next thing I remember thinking after that very dark thought of wishing I could just stay asleep was s*** that’s the same thing as wishing I didn’t wake up. That’s almost suicidal. I better call someone.

I did get out of bed that day. Thank God for smart phones. I grabbed my cell phone and started Googling therapist I came across one with the website that was appealing to me and called the number. An answering service picked up and I began to leave a message explaining that I thought I needed to see a therapist. Before I could go into why, I was sobbing into this answering machine. The therapist called me back later that day and agreed to see me despite my not having the right insurance.

Honestly that was the beginning of my Chasing Joy. My relationship did end. A few months thereafter I started writing this blog. That was almost 8 years ago.

I consider myself very blessed and lucky to have had the wherewithal to call a therapist that day. That is the closest that I’ve come to ever being suicidal. I was lucky. Prior to losing my dad and these relationships troubles I was not experiencing any mental health issues. So I was able to recognize the shift that had taken place and knew that it was important to get help. Now let me be completely honest here. The absolute main reason that I called that therapist was because I imagined how much pain my mom would have been in if she lost me as well.

I’m sharing this today because I want you all to know that it is not uncommon to have really really low points in life. You may experience loss, grief, heartache, disappointments, etc. that leave you in so much pain that it’s hard to even function and be awake. You may say to yourself I can’t get out of bed. What I want you to know is that you are not alone. I have been there and I have gotten through it. Do you know what that means? That means you can get through it too. I am not special. I am an ordinary woman who’s experienced some pretty typical though difficult life events. But I got help and I made a decision that happiness was worth pursuing. I started Chasing Joy. You can do the same!

If you happen to be going through a time right now where being awake and functioning through your day is becoming unbearable or too difficult please reach out to someone. A good place to start if you have health insurance is with your doctor. You can also look on the back of your health insurance card to see if there is a phone number for mental health assistance. The suicide hotline is also available. The number is 1-800-273-8255. Please know that people love you and will be hurt by your absence just as my mom would have been hurt by mine. Get help! Remember that in time things change. Keep chasing Joy.

Have you had an I can’t get out of bed experience? How did you get through it? Did you seek therapy?

Chasing Joy in prAna Active Wear

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Chasing Joy in prAna Active WearThis is a sponsored post for the prAna. All opinions expressed herein are my own.

Believe it or not I  don’t like exercising.  It is hard. Sometimes it hurts while you are doing it.  If you do it really well you get to be sore and achy after as well. Let’s not even mention the sweating, smelly post workout clothes, and extra laundry. Despite all of this I have managed to have a consistent workout routine for most of my adult life. I once even worked out for 100 days in a row. A little while ago I shared some tips on Instagram and Facebook on how to develop a consistent routine.

 

A post shared by Arlett R. Hartie (@chasingjoy) on


Number 1 is have cute workout clothes that you want to wear.  This is so important, especially when you are new to working out or trying to start working out again.  When I get cute new workout clothes I cannot wait to go to the gym or go out walking so I can wear them.  That’s exactly how I felt a few weeks ago when I got my outfit from prAna.

prAna makes active clothing that can take you from casual time with friends, to the gym, or out walking and hiking without a wardrobe change.  When I visited the site I liked what I saw but I was not really sure if their clothes would fit my curvy plus size body.  Honestly, I was a little nervous when I found out I was included in the bloggers selected to review the line. The clothes looked so cute online.  I hoped they’d fit and look cute on me.

Well I was not disappointed.  The cute teal outfit I chose fit and looked awesome on my curves.  I went with the teal because I loved the bright color.  I feel more confident about my body than when I was younger.  So, I don’t feel the need to blend in with dark colored workout gear. I don’t mind standing out and that teal color definitely does that.

Another reason I chose this particular outfit was because of the detailing on the yoga capri pant.  That simple little design kicks the capri pant up a notch from just something to wear to the gym to a fun capri tights to wear anywhere.

Once I tried the outfit on and saw that it fit I could not wait to test it out with a workout.  We have had some really hot days in Philly this summer and that day was one of them.  It was so hot that I had to wait until almost sunset to go out walking.  So, I decided to get dinner first and then walk it off.

CHASING JOY IN PRANA ACTIVE WEAR

Wearing my cute prAna workout outfit I was fashionable enough for dinner out at Grand Lux without having to change clothes.  I simply put on a sparkly shirt over my teal workout tank.  It looked super cute and appropriate for the restaurant.  prAna says their clothing is great to wear anywhere “from city streets to mountain peaks” they can add restaurants to the list as well.  The clothing is created to be fashionable, comfortable and versatile.  My outfit definitely fit that description.

CHASING JOY IN PRANA ACTIVE WEARWhen I did finally get to my workout I liked that everything stayed in place.  I walked about 3 miles that day.  My shirt did not ride up and my pants stayed in place.  I hate when an outfit does not fit properly and you are constantly pulling at.  That was not the case with my prAna outfit.

I am a new prAna fan.  In addition to their clothing being cute, functional and versatile it is echo friendly.  All of the items given to us bloggers are either made of organic cotton or hemp. A lot of prAna’s items even use recycled materials. If your not sure why organic cotton or hemp is a big deal check out these videos.

If you are ready to start a new workout routine or get back to regular workouts then start buy getting a cute new workout out fit from prAna.  You will be excited to wear it. It will function properly and it will be Eco friendly.  Win! Win! Win!

If those three wins are not enough here is a 15% off coupon code so  you can save a few coins

Use code S17BLAR for 15% off

 

CHASING JOY IN PRANA ACTIVE WEARWhat do you wear to workout? Do you feel better about exercising when you have cute workout clothes? What are you thinking of buying from prAna?

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of The bLink Marketing Network and prAna. The opinions and text are all mine.

Comments submitted may be displayed on other websites owned by the sponsoring brand.

July Weight Loss & Healthy Eating Challenge Update & SMART Goals

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Weight Loss It’s time for an update! Last week I told you guys that I joined a weight loss healthy eating challenge. It’s been a full week now that I have been meal prepping, working out daily, and drinking tons of water.

Before I go into my week 1 results let me first share that this has indeed been a challenge.

I went to the dentist earlier this week. This is important because I hate going to the dentist. I normally reward myself after my check up with a treat. Specifically, a food treat. I’d usually go to The Cheesecake Factory and get a slice of Cheesecake to go. Or, I’d stop in one of the other restaurants and get something special.  I couldn’t do that this time because of this healthy eating & weight loss challenge. It was super hard to resist and get out of my old pattern. But I did. I reminded myself that it’s called a challenge for a reason. So I just needed to woman up, soldier it, and treat myself in some other way. So I got something from the Lush store instead of a treat.

 

Another day another challenge. . 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 ********************************** I hate going to the dentist. It hurts, gives me anxiety and costs $$$. Normally after an exam I would treat myself to something yummy from one of the nearby restaurants. This time I did not. . 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 ********************************** I really wanted a treat but stayed focused on thia challenge. I told myself if it were easy it would not be called a challenge. . 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 ********************************** Instead of using good as a reward I treated myself to a body bar from @lushcosmetics. It has sparkles! Now I don’t want to trade 1 bad habit, eating as an award, for another, shopping as an award. How do you “treat” yourself??? . 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 ********************************** #ChasingJoy #SelfCare #weightLossChallenge #HealthyEatingChallenge #Lush

A post shared by Arlett R. Hartie (@chasingjoy) on

Another challenge I faced was just not wanting to eat the meals that I prepped. I think I mentioned before that I have a hard time sticking to planned meals because the things that I think I want and Sunday are often not what I actually end up wanting later in the week. So far this has rang true for this Challenge.  By Wednesday I definitely didn’t really want my prepped food. But I basically stuck to the plan about 80% and did okay. This week I’ll be adding some of the things I was craving this week.

My hormones ended up being another challenge this week. On Saturday I woke up completely wanting to quit this challenge. I didn’t want to meal prep anymore. I didn’t want to stick to the plan. I didn’t want to focus on the water. I wanted the day off from working out. I just didn’t want to do any of it anymore. But, I realize that how I was feeling didn’t make sense. I can look in the mirror and see that the hard work was paying off. Also the scale was moving in the right direction. There was no real reason for me to want to just abandon the challenge.

I thought a little bit and realize that what was really going on.  I had stopped taking a birth control pill that I have to take some time as part of my fertility treatment and the shift in my hormones was causing me to feel down, anxious, and ready to give up. So I had to remind myself of something a therapist once told me. Sometimes feelings are just feelings and we don’t have to act on all of them. So, I decided to just keep going with the challenge.  I acknowledged those feelings but I didn’t need to do anything different based on them. By the way I did a quick video on this in the Chasing Joy Facebook group so check that out if you’re a member and if you’re not a member click here to join us.

As you can see it has been a challenge indeed. But I have made it through week one and I have no intention of giving up. I will continue on through weeks two and three. Even though this was called a July healthy eating weight loss challenge it’s really just 21 days. So they’re just two weeks left. What will keep me going and encouraged is my results from Week 1.

 So here’s how I did, I lost a total of 3.75  inches. Most of it came from my waist and hips which is awesome. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of confidence in my ability to measure myself so these numbers could be off. However, my clothes feel looser so so they can’t be too far off. I also lost 2.8 pounds.  This is also great because at the fertility clinic they really only care about the pounds.  They could care less about inches because the pounds are what they used to calculate the BMI and certain fertility treatments have certain BMI requirements. You can find out more about that in my baby making update videos.
So overall it’s going well and I’m proud of myself for sticking through Week 1. I’m thankful for you guys as support on Facebook and Instagram where I’ve been sharing my meal prep and some of my meals.
For the next two weeks of a challenge I am going to make some SMART goals.  I know I am more likely to achieve my goals if I make them SMART. So goal one will be to read my affirmation three times a day. I mentioned that I created  an affirmation last week but I have not been consistent with reading it and saying it out loud. Smart goal number two is to stick to my plan and prepped meals exactly on July 23rd. The reason for this is I am hosting a barbecue on July 22nd. I’m planning to give myself a day off from my prepped meals but I don’t want it to turn into a week off or a complete derailment from the plan. Therefore, I’m going to focus on July 23rd being a great on plan day. Here are the smart details.
Goal 1 – Affirmation
Specific -Yes, read my weight loss/ healthy eating challenge affirmation 3 times a day
Measurable -Yes, three times daily
Actionable – Set phone alarm for 3 times a day as a reminder to say affirmation.  Times set for work and non workdays
Realistic – Yes
Time Sensitive – Yes, Through 7/29
Goal 1 – Stick to Meal Plan 100% on 7/23
Specific – Yes, Have all planned meals as prepped on 7/23
Measurable – Yes
Actionable – Prep all meals for 7/23 on or before 7/21
Realistic – Yes
Time Sensitive – Yes, one day 7/23

I love getting advice from you.  Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to have an easier time sticking to my prepped meals? Do you have any other advice related to transitioning to a healthier diet and sticking to a weight loss challenge. I also love words of encouragement and support so don’t forget to leave some in the comments below along with your advice.

Baby Making Update: ERA Results

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ERA ResultsERA Results are in!!!

The pace is slowly picking back up on this trying to conceive train after my break to go to Cuba.  My ERA Results are in and I am starting to focus on trying again.  I have 3 embryos on ice so there is no giving up. Even though I seriously considered it. So, I’ll be back in stirrups before the end of the summer.

Just to recap ERA stands for Endometrial Receptor Array.  The test is used to determine how many days of progesterone a woman needs before transferring a frozen embryo.  Typically the transfers are done after 5 days of progesterone but some women need a bit more.

I had the test two weeks ago.  They took two biopsies one after 5 days of progesterone and one after 7 days.  These biopsies really hurt although I did confirm a theory on how to make it less painful.  The key is not having an empty bladder.  Anyway, after the tests I was nervous that the results would show that I needed even more than 7 days of progesterone. That would mean I’d have to do the test again. Luckily that was not the case and I do not have to do the test again.

I am happy with my ERA Results.  The test indicated that I need more than the 5 days of progesterone.  Now I know that pain was worth it.  Check out the video below to see exactly how many days of progesterone I need.

Did you have to take progesterone while you were pregnant or trying to conceive?  If you did IVF did you need more than 5 days of progesterone before your embryo transfer?  Did you do the ERA test?  If so what were your results?

Six Ways to Say No to Everything That Steals Your Joy

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Ways to Say NoSix Ways to Say No to Everything That Steals Your Joy

It’s time to start saying no to everything that steals your joy.  I know I know that is easier said than done.  Why is such a small word so hard to say?

This weekend I started listening to the audio book The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F*ck.   I’ll probably write an entire blog post on the book but, I will share now that the author, Sarah Knight, has a theory about why saying No is so hard. Here theory is that we don’t want to say know because we 1. don’t want to be a bad person or 2. we don’t want other people to think we are a bad person.

I think Ms. Knight is spot on.  We don’t want to be a bad person or have others think we are because we let them down.  But the thing is:

1. we are not responsible for other people’s opinions of us,

2. we have to know for ourselves that we are not bad people,

3. we have to say no sometimes so that we have the time, space, finances, etc. to do the things we need to do and the things that give us joy.

I was reminded of this during a productivity training I attended yesterday.  We are not as productive as we need to be when our schedules are full of things that don’t need to be there. Especially things that steal our Joy.

Lucky for me between the audio book and the productivity training I got some solid examples of ways to say No.  I know that saying No will get easier with practice but it is super helpful to me to have language for saying No.  So I sat and tired to think up a bunch of different ways to say No.

Here is what I came up with:

  1. No – No is a complete sentence.
  2. No thank you – The thank you softens the no a little. This is good for when you don’t want to sound harsh but you also don’t want to give an explanation
  3. I cannot attend but thank you for the invitation and including me. – I like this one for event and outings.  You are saying no but you are also expressing gratitude.  I like to say no like this when I want the person to continue to invite me to things despite saying no to the current invitation.
  4. I can’t fit that into my schedule. It sounds great though. I Hope it goes well. – This is a good one for when you want to do something but you legit don’t have time.  Instead of over committing say no.  Acknowledging that that the opportunity sounds great and wishing the person well shows that you care about what the person is doing despite the fact that you have to decline.
  5. Unfortunately I can’t do that right now. However I can do…. – This was a great idea that came up in the training.  Sometimes we want to help someone but we honestly can not do what they are asking.  Instead of just saying No you can say no and give them an alternative.  Give them another option of how you can help them on your own terms.
  6. I am really not in to… but I wish you great success. – This is a good way to say no when you no longer want to be invited to take part in a certain activity or event.  You are giving enough of an explanation so that the person will know not to invite you again.  However you are still wishing them success and showing that you care about them despite your lack of interest in whatever they are asking you to do.  I actually used this one recently.  I was invited to a party featuring a psychic/fortune teller.  Participating in something like that does not align with my spiritual beliefs.  But the person who invited me is a good friend so I did not want to be cold or distant or too harsh with my response.  I said.  No, I am not into psychics.  I will find out my future as it happens.  Have a fun time at your party.  No feelings were hurt and I doubt she will invite me to a fortune teller party again.
So,  How do you say No.  Do you use any of the examples above?  Can you give any more suggestions on ways to say no?

Chasing Joy By Wearing Flats For New Year’s Eve

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Wearing Flats For New Year's EveI know it is the end of March but I want to tell you about my wearing flats for New Years Eve.  I know I am breaking all of the good blogger rules by sharing this post now.  You see blog posts are supposed to be consistent with things like the calendar and holidays.  So, this post really should have been shared back in January.  Actually the first week of January would have been perfect. However, obviously, I had other things (Chasing Joy’s 7th Birthday, and Launching the Joy Makeover program) to share back then.  But don’t worry.  What I am talking about is very much relevant because it has very little to do with New Year’s Eve.  My wearing flats for New Year’s Eve just happened to happen on this holiday.

Ok let’s travel back in time 3 months.  For New Years Eve I made plans with a girlfriend to go out and have a fun time.  We decided to go to a Silent Philly Party. To make the night more fun, safer, and less stressful we decided to rent a hotel room near the party venue and to Uber there and back.  I had enough Marriott points for a free night and we’d be splitting the Uber tab so this made sense financially as well.  The only thing causing me any real stress was my footwear.

A few weeks before New Year’s Eve I saw the red skirt that was partially shear and flared when you twirled.  I love it even though it was not something I’d normally wear.  A few days before New Year’s Eve I returned to the store and purchased it.  I then found a sparkly top to go with it. But what would go on my feet.  I know that a fancy outfit like this should have some fancy high heels to complement it.  Unfortunately, thought of the fancy high heels immediately caused stress and anxiety to rise within me.

You see I love the look of high heels.  Some are so beautiful they are like pieces of art.  Now I have been blessed in many many countless ways, however I was not blessed with the ability to wear high heels without pain.  Actually many many different styles of shoes and even sneakers manage to hurt my feet.  In addition to the pain that a pair of fancy high heels would bring there would also be unsteadiness a likely stumble and the possibility of a fall. Sigh…

Now understand, I do wear high heels sometimes.  But the circumstances have to be right:

  1. The shoe has to be comfortable enough
  2. I have to know I will be able to sit down
  3. The event must not require a lot of walking

My New Year’s Eve plans did not include any of the above.  I did not own a fancy high heel that would be comfortable enough to last the night.  Buy a new pair was an option but I wouldn’t know if they would be comfortable enough either. I did not know if the venue would have seating. Lastly, the night would not require lots of walking. It would, however, require lots and lots of dancing. Planned to dance my way right on in to 2017.   This night was not a high heels kind of night.

My decision was made but the anxiety was still there.  Why was my wearing flats for New Year’s Eve bothering  me so much???  I looked at myself in the mirror after getting dress and tried to figure it out.  Now I am not a fashionista or style maven or any such thing but I do believe that looking nice, well put together, stylish even is important.  How we feel about ourselves in general has a lot to do with how we feel about what we see in the mirror.  But I loved what I saw in the mirror.  Then it occurred to me I was worried about what other people would think of my outfit.

Ugh… I felt disappointed in myself.  There I was, a Joy Strategist who warns other’s about the danger of comparison comparing my outfit to what I though other people’s outfits would look like.  I write about creating the life you want for yourself and I was feeling stressed because my choice of footwear would not meet other’s expectations.   I  was a couple months away from 37, an age we can all agree falls into the Grown Ass Woman category, and I was feeling anxious about what others thought of my shoes.  SMH!

I gave myself a good taking to (in my head as to not worry my girlfriend LOL). Snap out of it!  I reminded myself what was important to me about this night.  The most important thing was for me to have fun.  2016 was a hard year and I wanted to bring in 2017 in a Joyful and fun way. I had set everything up (choice of party, lodging, and transportation) so that I could max out on fun without stress. My outfit should complement that not complicate it.   How I looked was not the important thing.  How I felt was.  I twirled in my skirt and felt great.  Would I have been able to twirl in fancy high heels without breaking my neck?  Probably not.

Once I understood where my anxiety was coming from and talked some sense into myself I felt so much better.  We went out, looked great, and had a fantastic time.  All while I was wearing flats for New Year’s Eve.

Now this happened on New Year’s Eve but this could have been any event really.  There are a couple of life lessons here. One, do not make other people’s opinions weigh more than your own.  Two, understand what your priorities are and set everything else up to compliment them including your attire.

Have you ever caught yourself walking in uncomfortable shoes (literally and figuratively) to impress others?  What do you think of my wearing flats for New Year’s Eve? Would you have done it?

My Cats Helped Me Understand Why I Am Single

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My Cats Helped Me Understand Why I Am SingleToday I had an epiphany. My cats are helping me understand why I am single.

Recently I have been having a hard time with my singleness. Even though I have decided to pursue becoming a single mother by choice that does not mean that I do not want a partner. I have been accepting applications for my Mr. Joy Chaser for a while now and have not been able to fill the position. I think my singleness has bothered me a bit more since losing my mom. The desire for someone to share important milestones in my life as well as mundane daily occurrences has intensified since I do not have her to share those moments with. Anyway, I have found myself questioning why I am single, why God wants me to be alone and not have a lifelong partner like everyone else.

This brings me to how my cats helped me understand why I am single. I have two cats. Peanut is my mature black and white male tuxedo cat. Buttercup is my crazy orange and white female adolescent kitty. Having recently been fixed she is no longer a kitten. They are cute and silly and have their own Instagram account. You should definitely follow them.

Yesterday Peanut did not greet me in the morning nor come to his bowl for breakfast. I went to check on him and found him looking sad. He had a little mucus (so gross) in the corners of his eyes and in general seemed under the weather. I called the vet and they could not see him for a few days. Since he has a history of bladder blockage, they told me to keep him and Buttercup separate so that I could monitor his food and bathroom habits.

This morning Peanut seemed to be feeling a lot better (hopefully, I will be able to cancel the vet appointment). Despite him seeming better, I wanted to be sure he was out of woods. Since I had to go into the day job, I had to separate the cats. I locked Buttercup on the 2nd floor and kept Peanut on the 1st. They are used to having run of the entire house so I felt bad in keeping them isolated. However, I knew it was for their own good. I need to know if Peanut is using the bathroom. If he does have a cold or virus t is better for Buttercup not to catch it from him. In addition, if he is not fully recuperated it is best that they do not interact as he could lash out.

A little while later while at work I thought of the cats and wondered how they were doing. I was feeling a little guilty thinking that they are probably feeling lonely locked on separate floors. That is when the epiphany came. Maybe God is keeping me isolated for my own good. God allows us to experience love so that we can attempt to understand how he loves us. As much as we love our significant others, parents, children, or in my case cats it is just a little itty bitty teeny tiny example of what His love for us is like. I love my cats enough to keep the apart and to temporarily disappoint and even upset them because it is for their own good. Of course, God would do the same for me!

Perhaps God is keeping me separated from my future Mr. Joy Chaser because he, I, or both of us are spiritually, financially, emotionally or otherwise unwell. Maybe he, I, or both of us need to be fully healed so that we do not end up lashing out and hurting each other. Perhaps he, I or, both of us simply need more time in our own space.

I am not capable of understanding why God has kept me single for the last 8 years any more than my cats can understand why I locked them in separate parts of the house. As I think about how much I love them and know that God loves me so much more I know that this period of singleness, including the feelings of loneliness that sometimes come with it, is for my greater good. Therefore, I will keep on growing, improving, and Chasing Joy until God brings my Mr. Joy Chaser to me.

That is how my cats are helping me understand why I am single. Pets are awesome! They are constantly helping us and even teaching us if you are open to the lessons. Do you have any pets? Has your cat or dog given you any epiphanies or taught you any life lessons?

New School Year Resolutions

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New School Year ResolutionsI can’t believe tomorrow is September first.   This summer is going way too fast.  School has already started or will be starting in a few days in most of the country.  Even though I don’t have kids yet and am not taking classes a new school  year still makes me feel like a fresh start.  Its kind of like having a second New Year so why not make some New School Year Resolutions.

Did you set any New Year resolutions back in January?  I honestly don’t even remember if I set any.  I will need to check my December and January blog posts to see.  But it really doesn’t matter.  I’m going to make some New School Year Resolutions based on what’s important to me right now.  If you want to revise your January resolutions for your New School Year Resolutions by all means do it.  This is your fall fresh start too!

Here are a few of my New School Year Resolutions

  • Get to church once a month.  Church has never been an easy place for me to go.  I had mad a lot of progress in that area in the last couple of years. But honestly I have had a hard time getting back into the swing of things since my mom died.  That was one of the things we did together most of the time.  But, I know how important faith practices are to Chasing Joy so I will keep working on it.
  • IVF! The plan is for me to have IVF by the end of the year.  That means I need to do a few things so I have some mini resolutions
    • Weight Loss – I have to have a BMI below 40 because of the anesthesia during the egg retrieval.  I have lost about 10 lbs and have another 10 to go.
    • Workout without hurting myself – I upped my workout intensity to speed up my weight loss.  I ended up hurting myself barely being able to walk for a few days.  This has completely stalled my weight loss.  So lesson learned.
    • Take my supplements on time – There are more than a couple of supplements and medications that I am taking to improve my egg quality, quantity, and chances for successful pregnancy.  I am good about taking them every day.  But I usually forget to take them at work and end up taking them all in the evening.  That’s not how it’s supposed to go.
  • Launch the Chasing Joy project that I am working on for you guys!!!
  • Stop being late for the day job.  My whole day goes better if I get there on time.

Does the New School Year make you feel like making a fresh start?  What are your New School Year Resolutions?

Finding Joy in Naming A Kitten

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Naming A KittenIn case you missed it, there has been a new addition to my household.  No, not a baby, I’m still working on that.  This is a new furry addition.  I picked her out a week or so ago before my trip (I still need to tell you guys about that) and I brought her home last friday.

So far things are going pretty well.  I was nervous bringing in a new kitty into Peanut’s home.  However, I was optimistic because only a couple of years ago Peanut shared his home with two other furry buddies, a dog named Hurt and another kitty named Pinto.  They all got along well, for the most part.  Actually since Peanut has become an only pet he has become more needy and more aggressive.  I felt like he needed a playmate to keep him company and to run around with.  Also Peanut  used to never be home alone between me, my parents, and the other pets.  Now that it is just me and him he is on his own a lot.  So I decided to get him a little sister.

Naming A Kitten

Baby cat hanging out in the kennel while big cat works out his attitude over her arrival in the other room.

If things continue to go well I will give you cat lovers a post on how to bring a kitten into the home with an older male cat.  In the meantime check out this video of Peanut letter her know who’s boss and that he was tired of playing. The fact that his claws were not out tells me he was not trying to hurt her.

 

 

Now for the answer to the question you’ve all been asking me. What is her name?  Let me start by saying thanks for helping me. Naming a kitten can be tough. I love all of the suggestions you guys sent me on FB, Instagram, via text, and email.  I wanted a name that would go well with Peanut so that when I called for them it would sound cute.  One name was suggested more than any other. That name was Jelly.  While it would be cute to call for Peanut and Jelly I didn’t go that way.  The most interesting suggestion was Megan.  While Megan is an awesome name for a person it just doesn’t seem right for a kitty.   Two names that I really liked but I didn’t choose Hazel (short for hazelnut) and Pumpkin.  I know enough about the names that I didn’t choose.  Now for the name that I did choose!  Peanut’s little sister’s name is Buttercup!!!

Naming A Kitten

Both kitties getting along at dinner time.

Naming a Kitten is not easy. What do you think of her name?  Have you ever introduced a new kitten into a home with an existing older cat?

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